penguin7

My husband was an alcoholic when I married him. 20 years later, our son is an alcoholic now and it's breaking our hearts. I just found this forum today and I need it to help me get thru this. I want to just kick him out, but my husband will not do it. He can buy beer, and he sits around drinking. I can't stand it! He will get really drunk and then cry to us that he just can't stop and doesn't know what to do. I feel that we have enabled him to be this way, expecially my husband. I told him I do not want our son drinking around the house but he says as long as he doesn't drive, which he does, which then irritates me more. How can I help him? I know that he has to help himself, I have been thru this with his father. However, my husband used to drink Jack & Coke, and after being dry for over 15 years, he now feels he can have a beer if he wants it. Trouble is, the beer is now always in the house and my son just helps himself. Part of me just wants to walk out, but I love them so much and I want to help them.

least

Welcome to the SR family! :ghug3 I'm sorry that your husband isn't being more helpful and is actually enabling your son to drink. If it were me and he went out driving while/after drinking I'd call the local police and report him and the license plate number of the car he's driving. A dui stop might be incentive for him to get help, and to get it before he has an accident and causes damage and/or injury.

Can you not explain to your husband the crucial importance of NOT enabling him to drink?? It would be so helpful to you and especially your son if your husband would stand with you against your son's drinking. Can you not enforce a no-drinking rule in your house or will he just ignore it?

I wish you the best. Do take a look at our friends and family forum for lots of experience and good advice.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

keepinon

Sounds to me like you need to regain your sanity and get support.Get thee to an Alanon meeting where they have both! Helps me immensely.

Kmber2010

Penguin, huge huggs to you for all that you are going through. I totally agree that YOU need support and need to focus on you. Please check out the link that Least posted.

You did not cause nor are responsible for the alcoholic my friend. What you must have is support for yourself.

All the best and I hope that you find peace.

43395

There are many true statements about alcohol-ISM, it is a family illness, that may sound trite but it effects all around it, and I've witnessed that at first hand, parents and partners who gave everything and in doing so almost lost their sanity and all they possessed, secondly , it is a disease of ignorance, to those who suffer it and those who surround them. I make two points on this although there are many, for those who like me are a,'real alcoholic' the effect of alcohol is such that no matter their circumstances, who they are, what they've got alcohol will instantly make everything alright! Secondly, the alcohol is but a symptom, it's the -ISM's that do the damage, what are they? The little arrows that zoom through the air everyday, hitting you,me and everybody , the alcoholic thinks that they are all aimed at him, we all know that's just not so.
Equally so there are two sins in recovery, to interfere with anothers recovery and to interfere with your own recovery, I'm not saying you are an alcoholic, no,no,no but having at one point been in a similar position with my then partner I went to Al-Anon, it was wonderful like having rocks removed from my brain and lights switched on in the darkness of my mind, I'd highly recommend that or something similar,take care. Mike W.