mikefreak

If you had NEVER taken that first drug/ drink? I think I would have stayed in the military & would have advanced myself in the medical field & done something useful with my life instead of being an alcoholic/pot head for 33 years. Could have had another career in the National Park Service ( benefits, you know), but was too drunk to go to the physical. Wen tto the local University & partyed so much I wouldn't make half the classes & flunked out after one semester. So many wasted opportunitys shot to hell. I Could'nt be considered a success by ANY standard, though by the grace of God I am at least comfortable & don't miss too many meals. STILL, it just mortifys me how I just PI**ED AWAY all of those years...............

mercurial me

Great post. I turn 32 in x11 days. I've got a nice house, great g/f, etc. However, I've underachieved in my career and pissed away tens of thousands of dollars over the past 10 years using alcohol.

I've only got x4 sober days in right now but throughout the day I do wonder what life would have been like if I wasn't an alcoholic. I remember my first drink and I was like-"where have you been all my life?" Booze did work for me in a sense for a lot of years but now as I face liver failure and other health problems I've realized at the end of the day I've just mortgaged my body.

I need to stay sober now to live and asked whether I would choose to repeat the last x10 years of my life my only response would be

"What choice?" - I was born and bred an alcoholic and that's what's formed my life. Having said that, I wish things had turned out differently

43395

"Life is what happens whilst you're thinking about it," said John Lennon, in my case , even when I wasn't drinking,in alcoholic terms I gave up the prospect of a brilliant military career to save a marriage that failed anyway. I left two other careers not because I was or wasn't drinlking because I became totally disillusioned. I didn't hurt anyone or damage the firm or institution and nobody ever said that they were sorry to me. I mean let me be honest, I was a drinlking alcoholic for thirty odd years, no question but not a lot, a few people let me down who had been promoted to the level of their own incompetence and were totally misplaced, and being a typical alkie, I walked out, you can't tell alcoholic what to do!

Today I'm sober and I remember what it says on p.164 of the,'Big Book', 'sweep away the wreckage of the past', it's good to look back, BUT DON'T STARE. I didn't pxss my life away, I never asked to be an alcoholic, I've had a life full of experiential learning, and I'm certainly a much better person now, as a recovering alcoholic, I know who I am. There is an old Arabian saying,'A man who knows himself, knows God,' I know me and I certainly know the god of my understanding, making spiritual progress fills my daily life, so I have no regrets about what might or might no have happened in the past, as some people say they were all different lives. Mike W.

snikrep

prob still be in school lol!

LeanaJo

If I hadn't taken that first drink in 1998, when I was stationed in Korea, I'd would had never came here to Arizona (which I hate living here. Can't wait til we move back east, to be honest with you) and probably would had never separated from my husband (which I did for 4 years in 2002). And would had never gotten arrested that the 1 and only time I did, last year, for disorderly conduct (a loud fight with my husband while I was drinking).

These things would had never happened if I didn't take that first drink in 1998.

wow1323

Yeah, I used to beat myself up about all the wild times, but I stop myself now even if I start to think about it. What happened, happened. You must feel it then let it go. Walk over the bridge of regret. I believe it is never to late to go after your dreams. I am and I'm no spring chicken. I never give up. I did the whole poor me crap. The what if's, it is painful. Do it and then stop. Today is a brand new you. You can do anything you want, just do it. I like the look, but DON"T STARE COMMENT. My dad always says "move forward"

sailorjohn

I have a friend that's NEVER-according to him-taken a drink or touched a drug and he's enmeshed in an utterly dysfunctional relationship with a practicing alcoholic, I know her pretty well also-watched her collect a 1 year token AND give an open talk-found out later from him that she'd been drinking the whole time. Not a pretty picture.

And then there's me, won't get into my story but had I never 'developed' active alcoholism, might not have realized how screwed up my thinking was/is, and would just be a garden variety loon, albeit a clean/sober loon.

These days, I concentrate on how grateful I am to be a recovering alcoholic.

least

I will never know what might have been, but I know what might be if I make it so.

CarolD

Hmm....don't know where I heard this but.....

"Everyone builds castles in the air
only alcoholics decorate and move in"

Me? my life has been and is exactly the way God planned.
In retrospect....my expectations rarely unfolded the way
I thought they would. I get amused over the twists
and turns....it's been lessons in ego deflation and humility...

Let's all enjoy another day of positive recovery

Onewithwings

It would probably be generally the same. I have a great life for a 23 year old addict of nearly 5 years. However, it would have much less drama, and I would be able to work on the things I love more. My 2 year old wouldn't have to be in daycare, since that was mandated by CPS due to my addiction and relapses.

Maybe I would have more hobbies, or be better at the ones I have now.

I would be closer with my husband, because he would know he can trust me. As it stands now, I am monitored pretty closely for a lot of things.

But also-- I wouldn't be working a potentially life-changing program, and I wouldn't have met the folks in NA, who are the first people I've been comfortable around in a long time.

Skeets

On day 15 of sobriety and feeling good...but...

If I hadn't taken that first drink in 1999 I wouldn't have so many embarrasing memories. Memories I don't need to mention - certainly not my finest hour(s). However, I feel that I have learned a lot over the years about myself and have so many reasons to stay sober. I do not resent myself for being an alcoholic but when I drink I have resentment. When I stay sober I don't worry about the past, its a great feeling! Can't wait to wake up tomorrow another sober day.

CarolD

Skeets.....
Welcome to our recovery community
Congratulations on heading into a sober future

Dee74

I think everything I've ever done, good or bad, has led me here to this moment - I'd hate not to be the me I am now

D

tallcactus

I'm with Carol.
My life is excately as God has planned.
I believe that your life is already written before your born.
I also believe that we have to learn life lessons.
Wonder what the next lesson will be and where it will take me.

Bamboozle

I've played that game. And the game of how much more money I'd have...

Meh.

The only thing I can do is move on. What helps me is hearing stories about other people and how messed up their lives are. I don't mean the stories here, I'm talking about the stuff people say outside of SR. I've got problems, but dang. With all I've heard, there are days I'm grateful to have the problems I do.

SJTChiSox

I honestly have no idea. I started using so long that I never really developed much of an "adult life". I graduated college while living at home and using, worked after for two years while using. I've really only spent 2 or 3 years out of my parents home and am 27. I finally moved out and am in Chicago and loving it.

One foot forward is all I can do now. I know that my life will get better if I don't use or drink. That is something I have to drill into my head. That should stop me from ever using again, but this disease is so powerful and cannot be underestimated.

MeKeith

I don't regret my first drink, but I never want to go back to it either. When ever I drift into "what if" thinking, I remind myself that it took alcohol to bring me to a point of submission necessary to let go of my will and enjoy a relationship with God. It's funny how blind we can be when we are focused on ourselves instead of Him and helping each other. Not only is it funny - but it's dangerous as our outlook becomes distorted and negative leading to further spiritual separation and closer to our next drink. Nope, I don't regret my first drink as I sit here and now writing this, I am at the exact point in my life as is His will - not mine.

Dee74

Welcome to SR MeKeith

D

Saliena

If I didn't have that first drink... I would still be exactly where I am now. Because sooner or later I would have... and my life would have taken the same path. Don't get me wrong I have a great life, good friends, a wonderful and loving husband. I don't regret all the money I spent, the DUI I got, the friendship that were won or lost with drinking... I did some really embarassing things while drunk... but, guess what... it all went into the forming the perfectly imperfect creature that I am today. So, for all those leason (no matter how hard they were at the time)... I am grateful for.

Saliena

givethanx

10 years sober today/who know's if I didn't stop to take that first drink I might have been run over by a bus.