AfterForever

I can't remember being or feeling any lower, shittier or just plain old uselessness than I did last week at this time...

Although I've gone through this all before, I've never physically or mentally felt that way...To be honest suicide seriously crossed my mind for the first time in my life...

I needed a way out...I made an appointment and went to a drug and alchohol addiction center on Monday night...

It turned out to be a group therapy type of thing which to be honest is not for me...I am generally a closed and very private person...Speaking about my problems and issues in front of strangers just isn't something I think I can do...

I was sitting here at my PC yesterday...I decided to see if I could find an open forum and here I am...

I'm hoping that talking with you and hearing and experiencing some of your stories will help drive me in the right direction...

I do believe this is my last chance...I just don't think my wife can take any more and I really can't blame her...

This is my last chance...I need to use it wisely...

Astro

Throughout my first five months of sobriety I felt that way, low and suicidal. My spouse was done with me, I felt like the worst father in the world to my kids.

I started going to AA on day one, and haven't felt the need to pick up a drink since then. It sounds like you don't like the group support thing, so I'll just encourage you to find something that works for you, please keep reaching out for help. I couldn't do this without the help and support of other people.

It's been over 4 1/2 years since my last drink. Trust me, it gets much, much better. Glad you're here, welcome to SR.

AfterForever

Thanks, I seem to find it a little easier opening up a bit over the net...

keithj

Howdy and welcome, After!

Bummer of missed providence. I was just on Long Island last week, and if your post had come a week sooner, I would have loved to sit down and speak with you about my experience with chronic alcoholism and what I did to recover.

I know well the feeling of that last chance. Unfortunately, I felt that feeling more than once. I tried everything to quit drinking, After. Doctors, counselors, outpatient and inpatient treatment.

What worked for me was sitting down with a recovered alcoholic and taking the actions that they took in order to recover. I couldn't figure it out on my own, and AA gave me an opportunity to find that person who could show me a spiritual solution to my problem.

I didn't know I wanted or needed a spiritual solution, but I was hopeless and I had tried everything else. It turned out to be the greatest thing that ever happened in my life. No joke.

Let me know if I can help.

AfterForever

I have actually thought long and hard of turning to God for help. But I feel after all I have done and said over the years I do not deserve his help.

keithj

A very common feeling amongst the alcoholics I see in AA. I approached AA from an atheist perspective, but a lot of guys come in with that same feeling as you. They mistakenly think they have to 'get good' before God can help them. Experience has shown that this just isn't true.

I'd encourage you to read about the forums and ask lots of questions. A lot of people have gotten sober by different methods. AA is simply what I know to work. I've been around AA for a while, and I've never seen it fail with someone willing to thoroughly work the program.

Astro

I've been around AA for a few years, but honestly I feel like I'm a newcomer to Christianity and religion. It's only within the last year that I feel like I've truly turned my life over to God and experienced the gift of life He has for me. You might poke around the Christian forum, I really appreciated this post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2429051

I might've misunderstood the lyrics, but I took it to mean that God doesn't leave any of his flock behind, and that includes me. Christ died on the cross for my sins, He died so the rest of us could live and be forgiven. Maybe I don't deserve His help, but He gives it to me anyway. It fills me up spiritually to know that and to have faith in Him.

AfterForever

Thanks a lot...I am really finding this forum and all of the members very helpful and it is truly appreciated...I never really had anyone to talk to that traveled in similar shoes as i have...As much as family wants to support you, they can never understand the true difficulty that keeping on the right track is...Again, thank you...

AfterForever

Well, I passed a week...Feeling pretty good today...Finally got a few hours sleep last night...Thanks again for all your support...

Carol Star

For me God did not work for me but worked with me. If I put in 100% He/She puts in100% Surrender To Win. I love AA/NA . We are not alone. You don't have to share. The steps were designed to lead you to a spiritual awakening. Trust the process. It works if you work it.

FanofJoeMcQ

So glad you found this place. You can also try to go back to the group therapy place and request one on one counseling. It helped me tremendously.

SSDC

Here I am as a brand spanking new member. The last time I did dope was yesterday. I'm having a hard time getting out of the dope loop. I feel like a useless piece of ****. I feel like whenever I make progress I **** it up or something ***** it up. I am grateful to find a website like this. I don't know what else to say right now.

Astro

Glad you found us SSDC, you don't have to say anything but I hope you'll keep reading and when you're up to it please post an introduction. We love to get to know new members.

stacey70

I have been clean and sober for eight years, started in jail, then inpatient, out patient and then 12 step groups, church, and on to being there for others as much as possible. If your willing to do as much as it takes, then its there for you to get, you cant save face, and your butt at the same time. I couldnt take my life the way it was any more,so i surrendered, means i had to listen, my thinking just got me (hell), so if its uncomfortable you should do it, go find an AA meeting and share whats going on... I promise they will love you tell you can love your self... god bless you

stacey70

christ died for us, this brought us grace from the father. the definition of grace is : "an undeserved gift" thats why its called the good news