What I don't miss. . . . . . .
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
9:30 on a Saturday night
never done 3 weekends in a row without drinking, nor 18 days without a drop...not for almost 10 years anyhow.
And to be honest I need this thread tonight because it's been hard the last couple days. So instead of thinking about what I miss for a change let me dig up a few things that I don't miss.
I don't miss waking up Sunday morning feeling like crap, knowing 75% of my day is going to be spent in bed. Anxious that I may have said something to someone the night before (but don't remember). Ashamed that I have nothing better to do than get drunk at a bar on a Saturday night.
I don't miss driving home wondering if there is a cop nearby. Wondering this is going to be the night I get that DUI that everyone with a problem gets eventually.
I don't miss that lonely feeling about going home from a bar, thinking "this is the last time I go here. No one here is my friend. No one here cares about you and you don't care about them"
I could go on but I figure I'll save it for the very near future. This should be enough to help me sleep tonight.
And to be honest I need this thread tonight because it's been hard the last couple days. So instead of thinking about what I miss for a change let me dig up a few things that I don't miss.
I don't miss waking up Sunday morning feeling like crap, knowing 75% of my day is going to be spent in bed. Anxious that I may have said something to someone the night before (but don't remember). Ashamed that I have nothing better to do than get drunk at a bar on a Saturday night.
I don't miss driving home wondering if there is a cop nearby. Wondering this is going to be the night I get that DUI that everyone with a problem gets eventually.
I don't miss that lonely feeling about going home from a bar, thinking "this is the last time I go here. No one here is my friend. No one here cares about you and you don't care about them"
I could go on but I figure I'll save it for the very near future. This should be enough to help me sleep tonight.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
after my workout at the gym today, I went down stairs to the locker room and opened the door. Right away I could smell him. I couldn't see him but I could literally smell him. He was close, around the corner, very close. And there he was. I didn't know him, I didn't know his name, but I knew where he just came from.
The bar. My bar. There's no mistaking that smell. Only now I hadn't smelled it in so long I nearly choked on it. I would have smelled him coming from 50 feet.
On the eve of my 1 month anniversary (not the pretend month, the almost month, the "yes, but" month) but the actual one month of not a drop of booze....I do NOT miss smelling like that.
The bar. My bar. There's no mistaking that smell. Only now I hadn't smelled it in so long I nearly choked on it. I would have smelled him coming from 50 feet.
On the eve of my 1 month anniversary (not the pretend month, the almost month, the "yes, but" month) but the actual one month of not a drop of booze....I do NOT miss smelling like that.
What is don’t miss is...sucking in my breath and holding it in when kissing my kiddos coming home after school. Was too scared that there might be residual alcohol smell coming from lungs due to a miscalculation on how much more vodka I could drink and still metabolize it by 3:30 pm. How shameful and exhausting it was to try to manage my drinking.
NOW....I can hug/kiss and grab them and tickle and laugh with them right after school, all the while breathing in and out with abandon. How glorious and freeing.
NOW....I can hug/kiss and grab them and tickle and laugh with them right after school, all the while breathing in and out with abandon. How glorious and freeing.
Love this post...
Love this post because, since I started it under my previous user name of 43395, only after a brief absence, as a result of a misunderstanding for which I received an apology to remerge as Redmayne where I remain to this day. Of its obvious appeal to many and as in a few days time,the 15th of Feb., I will have been 'safe,sane and sober' for ten years.
The miracle of which, in recovery is not to be found in its longevity but in the fact that prior to my sobriety date for many, many years I didn't think I could go a day without drinking...now it never crosses my mind,ever!
My than,ks to everyone who, over the years,has shared their experience , strength and hope to help me and others including themselves recover
The miracle of which, in recovery is not to be found in its longevity but in the fact that prior to my sobriety date for many, many years I didn't think I could go a day without drinking...now it never crosses my mind,ever!
My than,ks to everyone who, over the years,has shared their experience , strength and hope to help me and others including themselves recover
Trying again
Closed down the bar and had people over partying til 3 on a work night again
Had to call in to work again
Kept upstairs neighbor up all night, now he is not at work either. Horrible guilt. Having to apologize to him and feel embarrassed at blasting music and having a 3am cooking session
I won’t miss telling myself I will not drink, only to let myself down repeatedly
Putting on a face with my parents in person and on the phone that I am ok
Collecting bags and bags of beer cans to return to liquor store due to being so ashamed that the neighbors know how much I drink either by seeing the cans...or worse, the whole street hearing the local can collector raiding my recycling bin at 7am
Meaningless nights at the bar
The terror right before checking that my car is outside in the morning
Wondering what that pain is, why can’t I feel my arms and legs. Is that from drinking? Am I going to die?
Seeing the other regulars at the bar and having that somehow normalize the behavior
Eating dinner at 11pm or later because “why would I want to eat and kill the buzz when there’s still beer and wine left to drink?”
Justifying buying the bottle of wine because “we need it for the recipe...we won’t drink all of it”..Oh yes we will. Every. Single. Time.
I will not miss keeping this horrible secret
Not wanting anyone to see my face. Not wanting me to see my face
Feeling like I am stuck in a never ending loop
Thank you
Closed down the bar and had people over partying til 3 on a work night again
Had to call in to work again
Kept upstairs neighbor up all night, now he is not at work either. Horrible guilt. Having to apologize to him and feel embarrassed at blasting music and having a 3am cooking session
I won’t miss telling myself I will not drink, only to let myself down repeatedly
Putting on a face with my parents in person and on the phone that I am ok
Collecting bags and bags of beer cans to return to liquor store due to being so ashamed that the neighbors know how much I drink either by seeing the cans...or worse, the whole street hearing the local can collector raiding my recycling bin at 7am
Meaningless nights at the bar
The terror right before checking that my car is outside in the morning
Wondering what that pain is, why can’t I feel my arms and legs. Is that from drinking? Am I going to die?
Seeing the other regulars at the bar and having that somehow normalize the behavior
Eating dinner at 11pm or later because “why would I want to eat and kill the buzz when there’s still beer and wine left to drink?”
Justifying buying the bottle of wine because “we need it for the recipe...we won’t drink all of it”..Oh yes we will. Every. Single. Time.
I will not miss keeping this horrible secret
Not wanting anyone to see my face. Not wanting me to see my face
Feeling like I am stuck in a never ending loop
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
I love being able to go straight to the auto-checkout line at the supermarket because I don't have any alcohol with me.
A couple of years ago a law was passed that says if you have any booze you have to go to the regular checkout lines. I'd have to stand there with a single bottle of wine waiting behind 4 people with shopping carts stocked full of groceries.
I don't miss that one bit!
A couple of years ago a law was passed that says if you have any booze you have to go to the regular checkout lines. I'd have to stand there with a single bottle of wine waiting behind 4 people with shopping carts stocked full of groceries.
I don't miss that one bit!
I can well remember...
I can well remember, regrettably turning up just before opening time a my local supermarket one bright, sunny morning to see3 - 4 people ahead of me, not normally seen there. Who immediately the doors opened brushed everyone aside and dashed to the aisles displaying the booze who when I caught up with them with my modest shopping basket of groceries were all clutching huge bottles of cheap cider or super strength lager ton their chests and remembering my own early morning trips to shops that opened at 6am to sell booze and all the horror that lay in wait for me and thinking,'There but for the grace of God go I.'
It was a very humbling experience...
It was a very humbling experience...
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