mariechi

I was facing the consequences of going to work drunk. Latest strategy failed me. I was deep in disgust with myself. Mortified. I had let this THING risk the lives of people on the road, my own livelihood, the livelihood of my colleagues, the happiness of everyone who cared for me.

I was (am) waiting for a place at the center.

I was trying to gain insight. How had I gotten here? When had it happened? How could I have let it go on? How had I kidded and deluded myself like this?

I was researching. I found I was abysmally ignorant about alcoholism. I knew I had it, but knew little about it.

I realized I couldn't change the past, no matter how crushingly I wanted to. I knew I had to find a way to face the world again. I knew I had to forgive myself, not easy. I hope to be forgiven by others. I'll work to be worthy of it. But whether anybody else forgives me, I knew I had to forgive myself. If I didn't, it wouldn't matter if they did.

I was searching the web for recovering alcoholics who went on to achieve decent, respectable lives. I stumbled on a thread here at SR.

And here I am.

CarolD

Thanks for sharing part of your story with us.

As you have already noticed ....their are many of us
who are winning over our alcoholism.

Yes! we can and do recover
Forward we go...side by side

blinds8

Yeah, I agree totally that it's important to forgive yourself.

43395

Excellent! Now you have to understand that the disease is called alcohol-ISM, alcohol is but a sdymptom it's the -ISMS that cause the problem. If you are a 'real alcoholic'descrobed in the 'Big Book' , Alcoholics Anonymous, your mind and body is different than that of a 'normal social drinker'. When you put alcohol into your body it doesn't metabolise as quickly as others, it builds up, sends messages to the brain saying,2 Give me some more", you take another drink, the proceess repeats itself, on and on until o0blivion. Therefore the problem is in the mind, most alcoholics are physically,mentally and spiritually bankrupt, which is where the 12 steps come in and you start to broaden your spiritual self by seeking, the God of your understanding, which may not be mine or anyone elses', he/she or it is yours, then you can make a good begining to recovery which can only improve, guaranteed. Wherever possible detach, detach,detach,Shakaymuni.

Lisa7

Forgiving yourself is always a good decision