gneiss

I'm finally venturing out into the rest of SR, this is cool.

I found SR at pretty much the lowest point of my drug and alcohol problem. On a Sunday evening BF and I went for a meth run. We were completely drunk, and didn't have a reliable source nearby so we had to drive the 50 miles or so to some old friends of his who had some killer. And what better way to do it than backroading? If you're unfamiliar with that, you take as much beer as you think you'll need for the drive and stick to dirt roads as much as possible (welcome to redneck territory). Have no idea how we didn't get pulled over that night. We went back for more the next morning. When we started to come down from that we had not slept in 2-and-a-half days. Obviously we were in no shape to drive and we knew it. So we contacted a local buddy and he hooked us up with some crack. Coming off that we got about 3 hours of sleep, but obviously it's not like you're going to sleep much with that many stimulants in your system. We called the old buddy 50 miles away and he delivered a pretty hefty amount of meth to us, and we also got some coke. We smoked/snorted that over the next few days. I think all week we slept about 5 or 6 hours total, ate maybe 2 times, and drank nothing but beer. The last night and day were HORRIBLE. I had never been high for a week straight like that. I started hallucinating from the sleep deprivation, and at one point I was so scared by my hallucinations my BF had me pinned on the couch trying to keep me from hurting myself or him, and spent an hour or so talking me down. The next day a friend came over with some weed. It was Sunday, we'd been up for a week straight and weeks before had purchased tickets to go see my favorite band about 70 miles away. We had to sleep so we could be ok going to the concert, so we smoked the weed. BF took to it pretty well, the people who brought the weed over were fine with it because they weren't otherwise high. I think my brain was at the end of its rope though. I did the usual weed thing, giggling and feeling like I was in a bubble and whatever. But after that I flipped out. I literally could not understand the English language anymore. I have never been more scared in my life. I was sitting on the couch and BF was next to me, trying to calm me down. He could tell it wasn't working out for me but I couldn't tell him what the problem was because I could not understand words anymore, and I was starting to think it was permanent or something. He talked me through it until the pot started to wear off and it was ok. We never got any sleep but drove to the concert anyway, drank a couple beers there just to feel normal again. When we got home we were still on meth so we drank more beer and tried what was left of the weed and passed out for about 15 hours. When I woke up sometime late Monday morning I knew it was time to stop. I was too scared, and I couldn't say no to the drugs--realized I had not been able to say no for a long time, even though I thought I could-- I only wanted more more more more more. So I went online and looked for secular recovery programs and SR came up in my search.

SeekSobriety

Wow, thanks for sharing your story. I am so glad you made it to SoberRecovery and I know that you have the strength to change your life around for the better. There is a better way of living that does not involve destroying our minds and being enslaved to the drugs and alchohol. I am telling you that from my experience of being clean for 6 and 1/2 months. I never thought that would happen but it has and I do not miss the "old life" at all. I can finally think on my own and choose my own destiny instead of being enslaved to the addictions.

All the best,
SS

Deb045

Thanks for sharing your story-it reminds me of where I've been in addiction, the many times over and over again--the insanity-its alot of work getting loaded with no rewards just fear and confusion--I went into treatment over 2 years ago hoping to get my life back-I've not had to pick up any drugs or alcohol since then. I'm slowly getting some stability back in my life everyday I get a reward for the efforts I put in to it by getting to experience LIFE good and not so good days. My worse day sober is way better than my best day loaded.

Gypsy Feet

Haha, I almost puked a little! I quit meth 14sh years ago, and although I've "lost" most of those horrible memories, your last week sounds a lot like mine. We are so much smarter, why the hell did we poison our systems like that? Well anyway, thanks for sharing=)