lying to myself came to a HEAD
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 46
lying to myself came to a HEAD
responsibility thrown out the window 7 years ago coming in may
grieving and physical illness set motions where the beast stayed
selfish and pityful fill my days
lying in bed of old vomit poop and urine craze
banned from other chat places from my attitude and ways
friends and family gave up on me ashamed
alone with nothing to my name
invisible and dying
swimming in my shame
grieving and physical illness set motions where the beast stayed
selfish and pityful fill my days
lying in bed of old vomit poop and urine craze
banned from other chat places from my attitude and ways
friends and family gave up on me ashamed
alone with nothing to my name
invisible and dying
swimming in my shame
:ghug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 46
had a reallly bad morning worse than other mornings im begininig to accept my powerlessness over my disease and this is making me torn and upset its wrecking my high and interrupting my daily routines somehow i got a bit more done than i have in weeks, im doing dishes and am in process of washing sheets havent showered and dont wanna yet maybe thatll come stilll using but not having any freedom in mind nor escape due to my desires changing which is making me mad and uncomfortable the more i seem to come here the more i cant get my ultimate rush despite the pain during it that creates a bad experience paranoia and my fear of being attacked more readily by the devil has led me all morning to placing oil all over my house and i got some obsessions goin on leads to some real bad freak out sessions but im not going to kill myself today thats a good sign for me for right now
thank you for showing me you care and those who are in my face now and then with word and prayer for me and my kid!
thank you for showing me you care and those who are in my face now and then with word and prayer for me and my kid!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I totally understand the high not being there any more.
I'll never forget the last time I shot up meth, and there was no rush, no high, just raw screaming emotional pain that I could not turn off.
My bottom was right around the corner.
Don't give up hope. I do care. People loved me until I learned to love myself. I will always be grateful for that. Also feel free to PM me any time you want to talk.
I can feel your pain in your posts. :ghug2
I'll never forget the last time I shot up meth, and there was no rush, no high, just raw screaming emotional pain that I could not turn off.
My bottom was right around the corner.
Don't give up hope. I do care. People loved me until I learned to love myself. I will always be grateful for that. Also feel free to PM me any time you want to talk.
I can feel your pain in your posts. :ghug2
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