Sober - but emotionally dead
 

When I found this forum, I had been clean and sober for many years, but I was emotionally dead because of certain changes in my life I resisted. The career I had successfully built for years had hit an all time low and I had financial problems.

I became very negative, sarcastic and hateful. I was in constant conflict with my family and friends. I felt nobody understood me and nobody cared about my many ailments I had started to nurture in order to seek attention. My mother, sister and brothers refused to go down that road with me. They had done it when I was a juvenile delinguent and refused to be co-dependants to my negativity once again.

The pain was intense and I felt like dying. That´s how I found SR. I was angry at my own AA group, because ever the victim, I felt they didn´t understand what was going on inside me. I looked at AA groups on the net and SR gave me support and strength to start over again.

For me, the magic of AA is that each time I go to a meeting or log on here, someone is sharing exactly what I need to hear. It gives me the chance to look at my problems in a new way and to do something about it. This magic has helped me to start a new life, heal the rift I had with my family, start my career again and to take full responsibility for myself.

Negative thinking has a life of it´s own. It is also bad for your health. For me, the solution has been to let go. I let my family and friends go and worked on myself. The problem was there. Not with them. When I was ready to become a responsible family member, they were there and welcomed me back with open arms.

Of course there are dysfunctions and they irritate me, but I have a choice. I can get angry or I can choose to let it go. The same goes for everyone else in my life, friends, people at work and partners.

Many thanks for the support and warmth I´ve felt here.

Love and light,

Great post, Lilya - thanks for sharing. :)

Negativety has always been an issue.
 

Negativety seems like it has such a gigantic following. It takes a person and if left unchecked basically by the person themselves will become a way of life for them. It's such a slow and gradual happening that a lot of time's it remains unnoticed to even family until all of a sudden all are tired of dealing with it. You are very strong in your will and desires enough to recognize the symptoms and pull yourself out to a level that will sooner or later if not all ready take hold and become a living attitude. By living I mean, thoughts won't start at a negative side where in the past had to be dragged to a possitive side. They will start from just a thought with niether good or bad but the quest to give the topic a chance to be good at least. Soon after that all thinking will just start at a postive level. Alcohol takes your morals, and logic and distorts it to where the mind thinks it unnesesary to use, maybe cause it hurts at times. Thats life. A person becomes unwilling convinced that it's easier to drink than not. That way of thinking in itself can become the addiction. Try keeping your mind on a positive and steady course no matter what anyone says or does and I think you'll find that lifes conflicts will never be a matter again. Cool testimony.

Thanks
 

Awesome Post that is what I have been battling thanks for your help.