feeling lonliness and a void in my life

Old 05-27-2007, 11:16 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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feeling lonliness and a void in my life

I found this site because I was lonely and feeling like I don't belong anywhere any more. I am still in a stage of searching. I got sober in 1999...from family intervention. i went to treatment. I went to 12 step meetings for a while at the recommendation of treatment center. I went to meetings about a year and a half to 2 years. not really taking things seriously. i was more interested in the men i met there and dating than working on my recovery. after all i drank out of lonliness most of the time.

the relationships didn't work out....surprise! and I relapsed. after that relapse and failed relationship I was ashamed to go back....didn't want to hear we told you so either! everyone told me don't get involved the first year. i decided to move close to family. so I made a fresh start and moved. I spent time working, taking classes, with family, surfing the internet, etc. very isolated socially. i avoid getting close because i hide the past. i didn't go out drinkiing when invited from co-workers and classmates. i would go to lunch but that's it. didn't reveal much about myself. didn't date. didn't want to date drinkers and didn't know any sober. I have visited churches but just didn't feel comfortable and felt like they wouldn't approve if they knew the past.

this past year I did date someone and he was a social drinker. i decided it had been long enough that i could try to drink moderately. i also accepted some invitations from classmates to go to dinner/drinks. i can say that i have had some success with moderate drinking but it feels dangerous to me. i have been careful what invitations i would accept because i know the danger. for example, i haven't gone out to a club when invited. i just went to dinner. the friends i have were very moderate drinkers (2 at most and then they stop). i felt more focused on the drinks than the conversation. how much did they have, how much did i have, would we order more?

anyway now i'm deciding where do i belong. i'm tired of living a life of isolation. i'm tired of being single and alone without a network of friends and support. i want to be around some people i can connect with and truly be myself. no hiding my past or pretending to be someone im not. i feel like there is a fine line between my going out and having a couple of drinks and falling back into my old drinking. all it would take is to go out with someone that does cross that line and i'd likely follow. i need to be ok with myself before i can have a relationship again. i'm considering 12 step meetings again but its so hard for me to go. i'm not sure where i belong. i just feel i have isolated myself and convinced myself that i don't belong with any group. yet, if i wasn't an alcoholic i shouldn't have any problems going out and accepting any invitations to do so right? yet i hold back because i sense the danger.

what would i say if i went back to a meeting? i stayed sober on my own for years although lonely but now i've been playing with fire drinking moderately...for sense the danger and know i need the support of others in recovery to fill that void, lonliness and not feel the need to go out and "test the waters". isn't that enough reason. its like i don't feel i qualify to go back there because i haven't gone out and gotten drunk on a binge.
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Old 05-27-2007, 11:51 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by serina View Post
... its like i don't feel i qualify to go back there because i haven't gone out and gotten drunk on a binge.
Meetings are not because we drink...they are supports so we don't drink.
Solutions before the problem returns.
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Old 05-28-2007, 03:25 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hi Serina,

I identified strongly with your post re the searching, and the social isolation. Go back to meetings, and latch on to women. I recommend a women's meeting once a week if at all possible. My home group is women-only and this is where I share the deeper stuff. If you take a risk, and open up, you'd be surprised at the support you'd get.

I also got involved early on in a relationship, relapsed, and had to come back - twice. So I understand. Don't let your pride hold you back - it's not worth it. PM me anytime.

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Old 06-06-2007, 03:00 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Alive
Posts: 168
I've not been sober long enough to offer any really helpful advice, but, others here will and have lived it enough to offer real help. I can say, glad you are here and thanks for sharing. You are not alone any more. Julie
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Old 06-26-2007, 07:51 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Milford Texas
Posts: 1
Thumbs up On the right track

You are on the right track.
I think you should go back to the meetings.
You are not there for "What they think"
You are there for you, and you only!
I think you are doing really well, and I respect your honesty.

I myself just found an NA meeting, 12 miles from my house, and after
8 years clean - minus drinking, I think I'm going back!

Good luck my friend
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Old 06-26-2007, 08:08 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
No more merlot, more mamma
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Hills, Ct
Posts: 2,139
"the friends i have were very moderate drinkers (2 at most and then they stop). i felt more focused on the drinks than the conversation. how much did they have, how much did i have, would we order more?"

Right there. Normies don't count drinks, don't think about the next one. There's a section in Carolyn Knapp's book "Drinking:A love story" that talks about this. I completely identified with that, and with you.

Please take Rowan's advice and find a woman's meeting. Concentrate, in a good way, on YOU. Getting sober again. Reach out, make sober friends.

I've also made it a point to tell new friends that I don't drink. So far, nobody has stopped calling! And, I've met other people who are in recovery that way. You might be surprised!

Hang in there!

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