Searching my soul for answers
Searching my soul for answers
and the Internet. I was getting that "craving" and was getting frightened, but angry at the same time. I am into my third month of sobriety, and I found this site while searching for answers to why my craving was being so stubborn. Then it came to me, because I am allowing it. You are only treated as you allow yourself to be. That's what I thought. I tortured myself and especially loved ones with my alcoholism for years and years, why not torture myself and eveyone without drinking? Wrong. That's where I realized my pattern of thinking has to change. I am simply switching it off - out of my head. Thanks for listening and helping me.
im sitting in an internet cafe, not knowing why im here, i was looking at porn, at pictures of sunsets, at my msn, nothing was working, substances arent working, nothing is working, i just feel ****** up, angry, trapped and in a state of abandoned disarray. fearful and angry together. im just really angsty right now but glad i can share that.
I hear you Utopia. As I had posted yesterday, that's exactly how I felt and it happened again today. I hope you are feeling better today.
Today, I actually was walking around looking for my lighter, which turned out to have been in my hand the entire time I walked in circles, which pissed me off. I found myself sitting in the kitchen, no tv on, radio or anything, just staring and thinking. Enemy number 1 for me.
Then comes the thoughts of family and everything I think is x10. Nothing seems to be a small problem or "incident." No, I have to turn it into a volcanic erruption. It's wierd, it's like I am having withdrawals again or something. I am simply trying so hard to find that "happy" part of the day that I am ruining the fun in the process. GEEZE. Depressing post huh? Sorry.
Today, I actually was walking around looking for my lighter, which turned out to have been in my hand the entire time I walked in circles, which pissed me off. I found myself sitting in the kitchen, no tv on, radio or anything, just staring and thinking. Enemy number 1 for me.
Then comes the thoughts of family and everything I think is x10. Nothing seems to be a small problem or "incident." No, I have to turn it into a volcanic erruption. It's wierd, it's like I am having withdrawals again or something. I am simply trying so hard to find that "happy" part of the day that I am ruining the fun in the process. GEEZE. Depressing post huh? Sorry.
HI Meteoriod
Have you ever heard of "PAWS" it stands for Post Acute Withdrawl Syndrome. The symptoms appear between 3 & 6 months after you stop using. It is almost like going through the initial withdrawl, a little less severe. You have to be on your guard during this period it has been known to cause relapse. I know, had an extended relapse 5 months into sober-ville, it really sneaks up on you. I'm sure someone here has more info.
Work Hard and Enjoy Life..NED
Work Hard and Enjoy Life..NED
Thanks Ned.
Actually, someone else posted PAWS info too. I checked it and it seems to apply somewhat. I am still feeling that way all day today and tonight. Yes, I can see how it can cause a relapse. There is no peace from it. It's actually worse to me than withdrawals because it's been several days of this now. I am doind something about it.
Wish you the best!
Wish you the best!
im sitting in an internet cafe, not knowing why im here, i was looking at porn, at pictures of sunsets, at my msn, nothing was working, substances arent working, nothing is working, i just feel ****** up, angry, trapped and in a state of abandoned disarray. fearful and angry together. im just really angsty right now but glad i can share that.
Da Bear
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