Feeling a little helpless
 

When I found this site, I was feeling kind of helpless over the situation that Im currently in.

I have been married to my AH (whose drug of choice is cocaine--IV user) for close to 13 yrs. Over the course of our marriage we have pretty much tried everything to help him overcome his addiction. I now know that it will never be, because I dont think he really wants to change. So now Im at a crossroads as to what I need to do....leave or just stay and just distance myself from him. I now that I cant control anything he does nor can I change him. But I DO need to work on myself to make ME better.

I cant talk to my friends about it nor my family....for fear of being thought of as weak for choosing to stay in this relationship--I have my reasons, reasons Im sure they would not understand--but I know that Im not weak in any way shape or form...even though at times I do feel that way. But as I read in a post on here (cant remember off the top of my head who wrote it) that its empowering in a way to know that you are MAKING the choice to stay and not being FORCED to stay.


Butrflykisses:flowers1:

Great avatar you have, and it's my second post to this forum too.

Let me share my experience as a guy who got a boot out the door from his now ex-wife after 11 years of putting her and our children through hell. It was exactly what I needed to get me into recovery after 27 years of alcoholism and denial. I've heard other men say "Looking back, I wonder what took her so long", and now I understand what that means.

You don't sound helpless at all. What you do have is the awareness that you can't change or control him, but you know that you have the choice to stay or leave, and you know that the most important thing right now is to take care of yourself.

Stay strong (you're anything but weak) and take your life one day at a time. At times it scares me not knowing what tomorrow will bring, but I know that my higher power gives me the strength to make it through each new day in recovery.