Gabe

"The healthier we get, the more emotional healing we do, the less extreme our emotional reaction / response spectrum grows. The growth process works kind of like a pendulum swinging. The less we buy into the toxic shame and judgment, the less extreme the swings of the pendulum become. The arc of our emotional pendulum becomes gentler, and we can return to emotional balance much quicker and easier. But we don't get to stay in the balance position. Life is always rocking our boat - setting our emotional pendulum to swinging. By not taking life events and other peoples behavior so seriously and personally, by observing our process with some degree of detachment instead of getting so hooked into the trauma drama soap opera victimology that is a reaction to our childhood wounds, we learn to not give so much power over our emotions to outside influences and events.

I have choices today in regard to how I am relating to myself, to other people, to life. I am able to accept the things I cannot change much more quickly, and change the primary thing which I have the power to change - that is, my attitude toward the things I cannot change - so that I do not get caught up in a victim perspective. By not buying into the illusion that I am a victim - of myself, of other people, of life - my emotional swings stay on a much evener keel and I experience a much gentler emotional spectrum in my day to day relationship with life."
~Robert Burney
from joy2meu.com

"trauma drama soap opera victimology " what a phrase, yeah?

Hopefloats

What a mouthful... "trauma drama soap opera victimology" WOW...but how powerful!

Sadly, there are people that live this way. I for one refuse to play the victim role. Besides, I have no shoes to match.

For real...playing the victim keeps us blown about by every wind. (you may remember that thread Gabe "The DRAMA addict"... great threads I think.

Anyway, thank you for this. I am printing it out and keeping it in my recovery file..
Blessings!!
Hopefloats

minnie

Gabe, this is very true for me. I sometimes wonder whether it is because I'm not "putting myself out there" enough, so that I am not really being tested. But I don't think so.

I believe that it's because I have had such a fundamental shift in my priorities and view of the world that things that were once important just don't come onto my radar. It's not that I manage my emotions - because the emotions just don't crop up, if that makes sense. I am far more pragmatic and realistic and far less idealistic and full of expectation.

Life is much simpler.

Gabe

And that is SO important.
Minnie, my priorities have shifted too.
I need to watch myself though.
I am exposed to drama more often these days than not.
And my knee-jerk reaction to "buy into it" instead of to "not participate" is still alive and well.
Stupid knees.

Viper

Wow! That says a ton! And knee jerk reactions? Somedays its big effort to respond, not react. Thanks Gabe.

Doug

Good thread Gabe. Another "sticky" good one. Thanks!

Five

Yes, yes. I more well managed, and more at peace.

Gooch

This is a great way to describe what happens as we heal.

I remember having anxiety over the fact that I still had emotional extremes, and thought there was something wrong so I went to the doctor and he gave me a prescription for Prozac. It detached me so far from my emotions that a red flag went up for me when I found myself consoling a friend whose parent had died, while having no emotional reaction to the situation whatsoever.

No thank you I would rather be labeled a "heart on sleeve" type than go through life without my feelings.

Given time and my natural process, my feelings aren't so much like a superball bouncing all over the place anymore.