Marijuanna Maintenence
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Marijuanna Maintenence
I'm at war with myself.
I quit drinking on September 24, 2005. I continued to smoke pot. I see the two things as being separate....but the behaviour is linked. I was practicing a "marijuanna maintenence" approach...using pot to alieviate some of my inner pain, and using it as a substitute. I know it stagnates my ability to grow into recovery and grow spiritualy.
Today, for the first day in over 10 years, I've decided not to smoke. I asked my HP to help me, and I called my AA sponsor to talk about it. I've been hiding my habit from my AA and SR circle of friends.
This is a horrible situation for me because it's so complicated. My wife smokes, and up untill today, it was a real bonding actvity. She doesn't know how to react, and although I tell her I will not judge her, she feels funny about continuing to smoke.
I'm not even %100 sure if I can bear going without. I'm not convinced it's a bad thing to smoke up. I just think could get in the way of my recovery.
Why did I decide not to smoke today?
1) It's been building up to this for some time now. I've been feeling guilty about smoking.
2) I'm tired of hiding it. I met someone today who was sober, but smoking for 3 years and he regrets not quitting earlier.
3) I don't know what is wrong with me...why do I feel I need to escape? Shouldn't I be trying to deal with life on life's terms?
4) It's unhealthy to smoke, it's dirty, smelly, expensive, and it eats up time which I could use to accomplish other things.
5) IMHO, "marijuanna maintence" is an attempt to find an "easier softer way"....and it isn't *real* sobriety.
6) I want what the oldtimers in AA get....real sobriety. I don't think they achieved what they did by smoking pot.
Why do I want to smoke today?
1) I'm obviously "addicted"
2) My wife is lonley, and it was one of the few things we do together which we enjoy. It's an intimate thing.
3) My thoughts are racing, and MJ helps me "slow down". I feel like I have undiagnosed ADD, and pot helps alieviate the symptoms.
4) We buy premium, clean, organic bud from an honest friend. I feel like it's a plant...not a real "drug".
5) I live in Canada, and our government and society is very tolerant of pot smoking...it's "almost" legal.
It's too easy for me to sit on the fence with this issue.
Tonight I got the impression that my wife isn't ready for me to quit. I'm happy with myself for going today without smoking, being honest with my sponsor, and posting this here. I hope I can go without tomorow as well. I still consider Sept. 24th as being my "dry date". If I'm sucessful at quitting pot, today will be my "clean date".
I wish this wasn't so complicated for me.
Does anybody have any thoughts to share, to help me in my battle?
chip
I quit drinking on September 24, 2005. I continued to smoke pot. I see the two things as being separate....but the behaviour is linked. I was practicing a "marijuanna maintenence" approach...using pot to alieviate some of my inner pain, and using it as a substitute. I know it stagnates my ability to grow into recovery and grow spiritualy.
Today, for the first day in over 10 years, I've decided not to smoke. I asked my HP to help me, and I called my AA sponsor to talk about it. I've been hiding my habit from my AA and SR circle of friends.
This is a horrible situation for me because it's so complicated. My wife smokes, and up untill today, it was a real bonding actvity. She doesn't know how to react, and although I tell her I will not judge her, she feels funny about continuing to smoke.
I'm not even %100 sure if I can bear going without. I'm not convinced it's a bad thing to smoke up. I just think could get in the way of my recovery.
Why did I decide not to smoke today?
1) It's been building up to this for some time now. I've been feeling guilty about smoking.
2) I'm tired of hiding it. I met someone today who was sober, but smoking for 3 years and he regrets not quitting earlier.
3) I don't know what is wrong with me...why do I feel I need to escape? Shouldn't I be trying to deal with life on life's terms?
4) It's unhealthy to smoke, it's dirty, smelly, expensive, and it eats up time which I could use to accomplish other things.
5) IMHO, "marijuanna maintence" is an attempt to find an "easier softer way"....and it isn't *real* sobriety.
6) I want what the oldtimers in AA get....real sobriety. I don't think they achieved what they did by smoking pot.
Why do I want to smoke today?
1) I'm obviously "addicted"
2) My wife is lonley, and it was one of the few things we do together which we enjoy. It's an intimate thing.
3) My thoughts are racing, and MJ helps me "slow down". I feel like I have undiagnosed ADD, and pot helps alieviate the symptoms.
4) We buy premium, clean, organic bud from an honest friend. I feel like it's a plant...not a real "drug".
5) I live in Canada, and our government and society is very tolerant of pot smoking...it's "almost" legal.
It's too easy for me to sit on the fence with this issue.
Tonight I got the impression that my wife isn't ready for me to quit. I'm happy with myself for going today without smoking, being honest with my sponsor, and posting this here. I hope I can go without tomorow as well. I still consider Sept. 24th as being my "dry date". If I'm sucessful at quitting pot, today will be my "clean date".
I wish this wasn't so complicated for me.
Does anybody have any thoughts to share, to help me in my battle?
chip
alconaut
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Motor City
Posts: 729
Hey, Chip.
I know there's a lot of controversy surrounding medicinal use of marijuana.... you say you may have undiagnosed ADD.
One good thing about coming off of pot is that after you clean your system up some and your mind isn't in a drug-induced fog, you can see a doc and get a professional diagnosis.
Good luck to you on your decision to quit.
I know there's a lot of controversy surrounding medicinal use of marijuana.... you say you may have undiagnosed ADD.
One good thing about coming off of pot is that after you clean your system up some and your mind isn't in a drug-induced fog, you can see a doc and get a professional diagnosis.
Good luck to you on your decision to quit.
A Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: MID-MICHIGAN
Posts: 221
Hello Chip, my name is Dean , and I am an alcoholic and and addict. My view for me on Marijuana is I can handle it and I love smoking it, but I find myself around people and substances I can't control myself with and I will end up using or drinking again. So I choose today not to smoke and by doing so daily I now have 15 month's clean and sober.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 206
Hey Chip........
I don't have any experience here. However, I just wanted to say I think you are headed in the right direction. Even if MJ isn't "that bad", at the very least, it's still smoke in your lungs right? And, smoke in your lungs isn't a good thing is it?
In MY opinion, the benefits to NOT smoking seem to FAR outweigh the benefits to continuing. Considering that, how could quitting be bad?
Best of luck to you Chip!!
I don't have any experience here. However, I just wanted to say I think you are headed in the right direction. Even if MJ isn't "that bad", at the very least, it's still smoke in your lungs right? And, smoke in your lungs isn't a good thing is it?
In MY opinion, the benefits to NOT smoking seem to FAR outweigh the benefits to continuing. Considering that, how could quitting be bad?
Best of luck to you Chip!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
"with booze you lose...but with dope there's hope"
I've been getting through my sudden cold turkey withdrawal from alcohol with every tool I had at my disposal. MJ really helped me drop the bottle. It's been over 100 days now, and I need to take a good hard look at my recovery plan. I feel like I've outgrown MJ as a "helper"...even though I love smoking it.
I'm with Dean about being able to "handle" pot. I'm never around people or substances which I can't control as a result of my MJ habit.
Why do I feel I need to alter my mood? Why do I feel I need to "escape"? Why does MJ seem to "help" me? Does it really "help"?
I need to take some steps back from it to address these questions. I seriously can't see my self giving my %100 to my HR and AA....while smoking joints everyday.
Before quitting MJ yesterday, I had weened my habit down to 1 small joint in the mid afternoon, and one joint at bedtime. This by no means is a "normal" thing to be doing, and it certainly doesn't go with my goal of sober living.
MJ is different from booze. Apparently, it's "non-addictive"....yeah right!! I feel like sh*t right now, and it's mainly because I'm functioning on 3 hours of sleep. I had some serious insomnia last night, and every cell in my body seemed to be screaming for a joint. This minor withdrawal is a walk in the park compared to what I went through when I quit drinking. It's still a withdrawal, and it still sucks.
It would be nice if one day I could enjoy MJ in a more casual recreational way....this may very well be a pipe dream of an addictive personality. I can't help but entertain the thought of only smoking on weekends etc....
However, when I think about what my goals are for my AA program...MJ cannot be a part of my life while I'm serious about doing the 12 steps.
My wife seems less upset about it today. Last night she was very upset because she "hardly ever sees me, and our joint sharing is the only time we sit and talk". I actually pointed out to her that it seems like although I'm ready to quit, she isn't ready for me to quit. It seems funny to me that I should continue to put something into my system for the sake of "mutual time together". I told her that I don't expect her to quit, and I should be able to sit and talk with her while SHE smokes a joint. I'm not sure how I would really feel about this....especially right now when I'm in such mental anguish. I told her I might just try quitting during the weekdays, and smoke with her on weekends. In reality, if I get though this withdrawal BS, I will probably want to stay away from MJ.
The honest truth is this: Right now I want to smoke a joint, but I don't want to smoke a joint.
I'm a sick, sick guy. I wish I didn't have the problems I have. I wish I could be free of this. I wish my wife didn't smoke or care....
I chose a gal who was cool with my past lifestyle. Now that I'm changing....friction is occuring in the relationship because I'm not the guy she married. She is really in the way of me being able to just walk away from MJ in a clean break. I will have to either tolerate being around it while abstaining or continue to use it. It's horrible because I run a bar for a living. I'm also around booze all the time, yet abstaining. How much can I take???
On both feilds of booze and smoke...my urges are very urgent because a slip would be so easy......within my immediate reach.
I pray to my HR to take these worries away. I put my life into God's hands. This is too much for me to bear alone. If I am going to slip up......it will be a joint that I will choose over a drink. For me, "Marijuanna Maintenence", now means that it will be my slip up of choice if I do get myself so worked up that I break.
"With booze you lose, but with dope there's hope"
chip
I've been getting through my sudden cold turkey withdrawal from alcohol with every tool I had at my disposal. MJ really helped me drop the bottle. It's been over 100 days now, and I need to take a good hard look at my recovery plan. I feel like I've outgrown MJ as a "helper"...even though I love smoking it.
I'm with Dean about being able to "handle" pot. I'm never around people or substances which I can't control as a result of my MJ habit.
Why do I feel I need to alter my mood? Why do I feel I need to "escape"? Why does MJ seem to "help" me? Does it really "help"?
I need to take some steps back from it to address these questions. I seriously can't see my self giving my %100 to my HR and AA....while smoking joints everyday.
Before quitting MJ yesterday, I had weened my habit down to 1 small joint in the mid afternoon, and one joint at bedtime. This by no means is a "normal" thing to be doing, and it certainly doesn't go with my goal of sober living.
MJ is different from booze. Apparently, it's "non-addictive"....yeah right!! I feel like sh*t right now, and it's mainly because I'm functioning on 3 hours of sleep. I had some serious insomnia last night, and every cell in my body seemed to be screaming for a joint. This minor withdrawal is a walk in the park compared to what I went through when I quit drinking. It's still a withdrawal, and it still sucks.
It would be nice if one day I could enjoy MJ in a more casual recreational way....this may very well be a pipe dream of an addictive personality. I can't help but entertain the thought of only smoking on weekends etc....
However, when I think about what my goals are for my AA program...MJ cannot be a part of my life while I'm serious about doing the 12 steps.
My wife seems less upset about it today. Last night she was very upset because she "hardly ever sees me, and our joint sharing is the only time we sit and talk". I actually pointed out to her that it seems like although I'm ready to quit, she isn't ready for me to quit. It seems funny to me that I should continue to put something into my system for the sake of "mutual time together". I told her that I don't expect her to quit, and I should be able to sit and talk with her while SHE smokes a joint. I'm not sure how I would really feel about this....especially right now when I'm in such mental anguish. I told her I might just try quitting during the weekdays, and smoke with her on weekends. In reality, if I get though this withdrawal BS, I will probably want to stay away from MJ.
The honest truth is this: Right now I want to smoke a joint, but I don't want to smoke a joint.
I'm a sick, sick guy. I wish I didn't have the problems I have. I wish I could be free of this. I wish my wife didn't smoke or care....
I chose a gal who was cool with my past lifestyle. Now that I'm changing....friction is occuring in the relationship because I'm not the guy she married. She is really in the way of me being able to just walk away from MJ in a clean break. I will have to either tolerate being around it while abstaining or continue to use it. It's horrible because I run a bar for a living. I'm also around booze all the time, yet abstaining. How much can I take???
On both feilds of booze and smoke...my urges are very urgent because a slip would be so easy......within my immediate reach.
I pray to my HR to take these worries away. I put my life into God's hands. This is too much for me to bear alone. If I am going to slip up......it will be a joint that I will choose over a drink. For me, "Marijuanna Maintenence", now means that it will be my slip up of choice if I do get myself so worked up that I break.
"With booze you lose, but with dope there's hope"
chip
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by chip
"with booze you lose...but with dope there's hope"
My wife seems less upset about it today. Last night she was very upset because she "hardly ever sees me, and our joint sharing is the only time we sit and talk". I actually pointed out to her that it seems like although I'm ready to quit, she isn't ready for me to quit. It seems funny to me that I should continue to put something into my system for the sake of "mutual time together". I told her that I don't expect her to quit, and I should be able to sit and talk with her while SHE smokes a joint. I'm not sure how I would really feel about this....especially right now when I'm in such mental anguish. I told her I might just try quitting during the weekdays, and smoke with her on weekends. In reality, if I get though this withdrawal BS, I will probably want to stay away from MJ.
My wife seems less upset about it today. Last night she was very upset because she "hardly ever sees me, and our joint sharing is the only time we sit and talk". I actually pointed out to her that it seems like although I'm ready to quit, she isn't ready for me to quit. It seems funny to me that I should continue to put something into my system for the sake of "mutual time together". I told her that I don't expect her to quit, and I should be able to sit and talk with her while SHE smokes a joint. I'm not sure how I would really feel about this....especially right now when I'm in such mental anguish. I told her I might just try quitting during the weekdays, and smoke with her on weekends. In reality, if I get though this withdrawal BS, I will probably want to stay away from MJ.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Skinner- That is some good advice. I believe she is doing what she needs to do when I'm not around. I'm seriously considering picking up a pack of smokes so I can smoke something if we take a "break" together.
I want to start "dating" my wife again, and spend more time eating at fancy restaurants....rather than smoking MJ in the woodshop. We are adjusting to some major changes, but in the end, I feel it is for good. I want to live a CLEAN and SOBER life...at whatever cost. I hope we can work it out so our relationship improves. I'm willing to go the extra mile.
Since I posted last, I've become stronger in my resolve to quit MJ. I think I'm in the clear. My HP is helping me, and I WANT to be clean of all intoxicants and mood altering substances. I will go to bed tonight, and tommorow will be day 3.
chip
I want to start "dating" my wife again, and spend more time eating at fancy restaurants....rather than smoking MJ in the woodshop. We are adjusting to some major changes, but in the end, I feel it is for good. I want to live a CLEAN and SOBER life...at whatever cost. I hope we can work it out so our relationship improves. I'm willing to go the extra mile.
Since I posted last, I've become stronger in my resolve to quit MJ. I think I'm in the clear. My HP is helping me, and I WANT to be clean of all intoxicants and mood altering substances. I will go to bed tonight, and tommorow will be day 3.
chip
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by chip
5) IMHO, "marijuanna maintence" is an attempt to find an "easier softer way"....and it isn't *real* sobriety.
6) I want what the oldtimers in AA get....real sobriety. I don't think they achieved what they did by smoking pot.
6) I want what the oldtimers in AA get....real sobriety. I don't think they achieved what they did by smoking pot.
I think you last question, "Does anybody else here, on SR smoke MJ...as a "maintenence program"? I won't bite, please share." is a tough one. Many people have strong opinions - both ways - on this issue. My hope on this (as with any issue) is that it can be discussed with not just honesty, but with compassion and diplomacy.
I can only share my experience. Quitting drinking, but using drugs and the reverse - quitting drugs, but drinking never worked for me. Always, without exception, that method of "recovery" brought me back into full blown addition. One lead to the other without fail.
It wasn't until I became willing to go to ANY lengths to recover that I put down all mood altering drugs (and alcohol is a drug). I learned that a drug is a drug is a drug and that using any of them not only meant that I was not sober, it lead me back into full blown addiction/alcoholism as described above.
For me, I am not clean unless I am sober and I am not sober unless I am clean.
Again, I support your willingness and determination here Cliff and I support you and wish you all the best in your recovery.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I had a dear friend who was sober over 18 years and was in the end stages of Primary Progressive MS and none of the pain killers prescribed were giving her any relief at all, and I am talking heavy duty oxycontin, fentenyl pateches, morphine, etc.
The only thing that gave her relief at the end was MJ.
Was that maintainance? I don't know, but I do know that it gave a very wonderful person some much needed relief from some horrendous pain, so that her passing right before Xmas of 2000 was easier for her.
I personally never cared for it as it dulled my senses more than alcohol ever did and made me sleepy. I used coke and speed and uppers so that I could drink more.
When I finally was able to stop drinking, I also stopped using all other mind altering chemicals that I used to use.
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
The only thing that gave her relief at the end was MJ.
Was that maintainance? I don't know, but I do know that it gave a very wonderful person some much needed relief from some horrendous pain, so that her passing right before Xmas of 2000 was easier for her.
I personally never cared for it as it dulled my senses more than alcohol ever did and made me sleepy. I used coke and speed and uppers so that I could drink more.
When I finally was able to stop drinking, I also stopped using all other mind altering chemicals that I used to use.
JMHO
Love and (((((to all))))),
Occasional poor taste poster
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
Originally Posted by chip
Does anybody else here, on SR smoke MJ...as a "maintenence program"?
Member
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Join Date: Sep 2005
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Posts: 1,019
Wow, thanks for the responses. I think it is important to affirm each other as we fight our battles.
In my town, there is a small group in AA who claim "marijuanna maintenece" works for them. I just found out about this after I made my decision to quit. I feel I was using in the same way. I really believe that this is a good option for some, but for me, it was a "band aid" solution. I want the real deal. I want to have what the old timers have....quality sobriety.
Dave- If it works for you, that is good. We are both from Canada, and our society is much more liberal with regards to the sweet leaf. I was doing what you where doing, but I've been feeling guilty and ashamed of it. Also, I think I'm just outgrowing it. I think the most important thing for us Alkies is to stay away from drinking. Now, if I'm ever at teh end of my rope...and all else fails...I'll pick up a joint instead of a drink. I think MJ is a pretty innocent thing. I just want to improve my concious contact with my HP...and I feel like I've been clouding things with MJ.
Laurie- That is a very touching story. I think it is wonderful that MJ could be of help to sombody in their final stages of life. I'd call it maintenence, because it was helping this individual's quality of life as she passed on. Thank you for sharing this story.
Jazzman- Thanks for sharing that. I've come to a point where I don't really enjoy the buzz anymore either. It's funny, a couple years ago, when I was a "hippie"...I went through a period where I would feel really weird and parinoid when I smoked weed. I asked my hippie girlfriend what she thought, and she said "it's not the weed, it must be some kind of burden you are bearing". Even today, I think she was right. I don't see anything wrong with weed.....but I've got some stuff wrong with me. I need to fix what is wrong with me, and my pot smoking is a diversion.
Phinneas- I'm willing to go to any lengths. I tired to find an easier and softer way, but I couldn't. I tired to hold on to my own ideas, but I need to abandon these. When I'm smoking a bunch of pot on the weekends, I might as well be drinking because it is the same behavioiur....just a different substance. It may be a *harmless* substance (as I believe it is harmless), but it is a substance nontheless. Perhaps it's good for some, but not for me. I'm a true alcoholic, and I have to deal with my disease. "bandaid solutions" are no longer good enough for me.
chip
In my town, there is a small group in AA who claim "marijuanna maintenece" works for them. I just found out about this after I made my decision to quit. I feel I was using in the same way. I really believe that this is a good option for some, but for me, it was a "band aid" solution. I want the real deal. I want to have what the old timers have....quality sobriety.
Dave- If it works for you, that is good. We are both from Canada, and our society is much more liberal with regards to the sweet leaf. I was doing what you where doing, but I've been feeling guilty and ashamed of it. Also, I think I'm just outgrowing it. I think the most important thing for us Alkies is to stay away from drinking. Now, if I'm ever at teh end of my rope...and all else fails...I'll pick up a joint instead of a drink. I think MJ is a pretty innocent thing. I just want to improve my concious contact with my HP...and I feel like I've been clouding things with MJ.
Laurie- That is a very touching story. I think it is wonderful that MJ could be of help to sombody in their final stages of life. I'd call it maintenence, because it was helping this individual's quality of life as she passed on. Thank you for sharing this story.
Jazzman- Thanks for sharing that. I've come to a point where I don't really enjoy the buzz anymore either. It's funny, a couple years ago, when I was a "hippie"...I went through a period where I would feel really weird and parinoid when I smoked weed. I asked my hippie girlfriend what she thought, and she said "it's not the weed, it must be some kind of burden you are bearing". Even today, I think she was right. I don't see anything wrong with weed.....but I've got some stuff wrong with me. I need to fix what is wrong with me, and my pot smoking is a diversion.
Phinneas- I'm willing to go to any lengths. I tired to find an easier and softer way, but I couldn't. I tired to hold on to my own ideas, but I need to abandon these. When I'm smoking a bunch of pot on the weekends, I might as well be drinking because it is the same behavioiur....just a different substance. It may be a *harmless* substance (as I believe it is harmless), but it is a substance nontheless. Perhaps it's good for some, but not for me. I'm a true alcoholic, and I have to deal with my disease. "bandaid solutions" are no longer good enough for me.
chip
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
There's so much to address in this thread and I gotta be out the door in 7 minutes so hopefully I can keep it short and sweet yet still carry the message..
I was addicted to pot for over 15 years and I was a weekend drinker (sometimes the weekend started on Thurs though)... When I got sober (4.4.05) I got SOBER. No drugs or booze... (granted I still smoke cigs and drink coffee). Since I've had this time to clear up and take an honest look at my using, today I know that when if I had not been smoking pot all day, everyday I prob. would have been drinking, but there was no way I could drink everyday and still be functional. Chip, I think you're beginning to realize that you can't smoke weed and be recovering. I think you're finding out the nature of your disease and beginning to wonder if you're placing the pot before your HP. It sounds to me like you really want to quit and every reason you're giving yourself not to is just your addiction talking. Use the TOOLS you've been given in AA and it will be just like quitting drinking, one day at a time. As for your wife... stop thinking, call your sponsor, speak at meetings, pray, and don't pick up. What someone else does is out of your control. This, your life, is about Chip and his HP. It sounds awfully selfish, but getting sober is about life and death and we have to be selfish. You don't know what can happen. Everything I've heard from the podium about marijuania maintainence is that they eventually went back to drinking. And I know you don't want that..
Congrats for getting honest about your smoking and having the courage to tell us and your sponsor. If I were you, I would get another 24 chip.. and never look back...
I was addicted to pot for over 15 years and I was a weekend drinker (sometimes the weekend started on Thurs though)... When I got sober (4.4.05) I got SOBER. No drugs or booze... (granted I still smoke cigs and drink coffee). Since I've had this time to clear up and take an honest look at my using, today I know that when if I had not been smoking pot all day, everyday I prob. would have been drinking, but there was no way I could drink everyday and still be functional. Chip, I think you're beginning to realize that you can't smoke weed and be recovering. I think you're finding out the nature of your disease and beginning to wonder if you're placing the pot before your HP. It sounds to me like you really want to quit and every reason you're giving yourself not to is just your addiction talking. Use the TOOLS you've been given in AA and it will be just like quitting drinking, one day at a time. As for your wife... stop thinking, call your sponsor, speak at meetings, pray, and don't pick up. What someone else does is out of your control. This, your life, is about Chip and his HP. It sounds awfully selfish, but getting sober is about life and death and we have to be selfish. You don't know what can happen. Everything I've heard from the podium about marijuania maintainence is that they eventually went back to drinking. And I know you don't want that..
Congrats for getting honest about your smoking and having the courage to tell us and your sponsor. If I were you, I would get another 24 chip.. and never look back...
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Hello Requiredfeild-
Thanks for the words. I'm still pot free, and I do want to keep that way.
I'm confused about what to do about my sobriety date. I'm considering having a dry date, and a clean date (separate). I cannot forget or neglect the hard work I went through to quit drinking. I've been dry for over 3 months. I refuse to dis-count those 3 months of growth. At the same time, I guess it isn't pure sobriety because I smoked pot (a mood altering drug).
I have very liberal views about MJ, and I'd argue that cigarettes and coffee are mood altering drugs as well. I really think it is a grey area. You're right; I was placing MJ over my HP...and that is why I must quit it. It is not because I was getting all messed up on MJ instead of booze. I was smoking it to relax and focus, but I wasn't "abusing" it. In fact, if I were to compare my MJ use to drinking...it would be like I was a "normal" drinker who has one drink a day.
Regardless of definitions and opinions, I have quit and I will continue not to smoke. I won't turn in my chips or change my sobriety date. I did pick up a 24 hour chip for quitting weed....only as a symbolic guesture. I'm not totaly sure what the rules about this are, but Sept 24 is my "dry" date, and Jan 3rd is my "clean" date.
I'm getting all worked up about the sobriety date thing. It actually pisses me off a bit. I look at the chip system in the light of the 3rd tradition, and I'm only in AA because of my drinkng problem. I ended up quitting weed because I'm not drinking, and I want to continue not to drink....beyond the 3 months I've already got.
chip
Thanks for the words. I'm still pot free, and I do want to keep that way.
I'm confused about what to do about my sobriety date. I'm considering having a dry date, and a clean date (separate). I cannot forget or neglect the hard work I went through to quit drinking. I've been dry for over 3 months. I refuse to dis-count those 3 months of growth. At the same time, I guess it isn't pure sobriety because I smoked pot (a mood altering drug).
I have very liberal views about MJ, and I'd argue that cigarettes and coffee are mood altering drugs as well. I really think it is a grey area. You're right; I was placing MJ over my HP...and that is why I must quit it. It is not because I was getting all messed up on MJ instead of booze. I was smoking it to relax and focus, but I wasn't "abusing" it. In fact, if I were to compare my MJ use to drinking...it would be like I was a "normal" drinker who has one drink a day.
Regardless of definitions and opinions, I have quit and I will continue not to smoke. I won't turn in my chips or change my sobriety date. I did pick up a 24 hour chip for quitting weed....only as a symbolic guesture. I'm not totaly sure what the rules about this are, but Sept 24 is my "dry" date, and Jan 3rd is my "clean" date.
I'm getting all worked up about the sobriety date thing. It actually pisses me off a bit. I look at the chip system in the light of the 3rd tradition, and I'm only in AA because of my drinkng problem. I ended up quitting weed because I'm not drinking, and I want to continue not to drink....beyond the 3 months I've already got.
chip
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by chip
Hello Requiredfeild-
Thanks for the words. I'm still pot free, and I do want to keep that way.
I'm confused about what to do about my sobriety date. I'm considering having a dry date, and a clean date (separate). I cannot forget or neglect the hard work I went through to quit drinking. I've been dry for over 3 months. I refuse to dis-count those 3 months of growth. At the same time, I guess it isn't pure sobriety because I smoked pot (a mood altering drug).
I have very liberal views about MJ, and I'd argue that cigarettes and coffee are mood altering drugs as well. I really think it is a grey area. You're right; I was placing MJ over my HP...and that is why I must quit it. It is not because I was getting all messed up on MJ instead of booze. I was smoking it to relax and focus, but I wasn't "abusing" it. In fact, if I were to compare my MJ use to drinking...it would be like I was a "normal" drinker who has one drink a day.
Regardless of definitions and opinions, I have quit and I will continue not to smoke. I won't turn in my chips or change my sobriety date. I did pick up a 24 hour chip for quitting weed....only as a symbolic guesture. I'm not totaly sure what the rules about this are, but Sept 24 is my "dry" date, and Jan 3rd is my "clean" date.
I'm getting all worked up about the sobriety date thing. It actually pisses me off a bit. I look at the chip system in the light of the 3rd tradition, and I'm only in AA because of my drinkng problem. I ended up quitting weed because I'm not drinking, and I want to continue not to drink....beyond the 3 months I've already got.
chip
Thanks for the words. I'm still pot free, and I do want to keep that way.
I'm confused about what to do about my sobriety date. I'm considering having a dry date, and a clean date (separate). I cannot forget or neglect the hard work I went through to quit drinking. I've been dry for over 3 months. I refuse to dis-count those 3 months of growth. At the same time, I guess it isn't pure sobriety because I smoked pot (a mood altering drug).
I have very liberal views about MJ, and I'd argue that cigarettes and coffee are mood altering drugs as well. I really think it is a grey area. You're right; I was placing MJ over my HP...and that is why I must quit it. It is not because I was getting all messed up on MJ instead of booze. I was smoking it to relax and focus, but I wasn't "abusing" it. In fact, if I were to compare my MJ use to drinking...it would be like I was a "normal" drinker who has one drink a day.
Regardless of definitions and opinions, I have quit and I will continue not to smoke. I won't turn in my chips or change my sobriety date. I did pick up a 24 hour chip for quitting weed....only as a symbolic guesture. I'm not totaly sure what the rules about this are, but Sept 24 is my "dry" date, and Jan 3rd is my "clean" date.
I'm getting all worked up about the sobriety date thing. It actually pisses me off a bit. I look at the chip system in the light of the 3rd tradition, and I'm only in AA because of my drinkng problem. I ended up quitting weed because I'm not drinking, and I want to continue not to drink....beyond the 3 months I've already got.
chip
It's what life and sobriety is all about. No one can tell you what your sobriety date is. You'll come to figure that out in due time. Just keep giving yourself a chance like you did with drinking, and you'll prob. begin to see your smoking in a completely different light. It's funny, I went to AA b/c I was a pothead, I wasn't an alcoholic. It didn't take long of not picking up a drink and identifying at meetings to realize that my conception of an alcoholic was way off, in a way that my denial wanted it. Forget about time. Months, days, years, chips... whatever. It adds up to experience and regardless of whether you smoked, drank, whatever.. Today, you've got ONE day of sobriety and whatever amount of experience. So just try to keep it simple for one day. Just don't pick up... Bring the body and the mind will follow and more will be revealed when it's supposed to be. Anytime you start thinking this to death, hand it over. Take a 1st, 2nd, and 3rd step. Use the tools...
If you're ever interested there are online MA meetings:
http://www.marijuana-anonymous.org/Pages/meeton.html
It woudn't hurt to check em out. Listen, and try to identify and just don't pick up no matter whether you think you do or don't have a problem.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
I'm equally addicted to alcohol and marijuana. They've always gone hand in hand, except for times I was trying to not drink. I quit both again today. I haven't been drinking enough to experience much withdrawal from alcohol, but probably won't be able to sleep for several nights from putting down the pot. For me, sober and clean are interchangeable. I can't be one without the other.
DK
DK
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
This has been an incredible journey of self discovery and growth. Since I first started lurking on SR, I've come miles from where I was.
I decided to count Jan 3 as my sobriety date. When I'm honest with myself, I realize that I was dry.... but still practicing my alcoholism with weed instead of booze. I supose it could have been gambling, porn or whatever. The bottom line is that getting all excited about dates and times is a waste of my time. I'm not doing this to see how long I can go. It's my pride which makes me want to hold on to the sept 24 sobriety date. I'm going to let go of that.
Some people in my AA group would have a problem if I still claimed Sept 24 as my sobriety date, after admiting that I smoked weed. That alone is a good enough reason for me to change my date. I do care what others think, and I don't want to be thinking about what they think everytime I get a chip, or talk about my experience. Sure, it is a personal thing, and I'm personaly convinced that my new date is more appropriate. Even if I wasn't convinced, I'd consider changing to avoid building a barriour between myself and others in my group.
I took a 24 hour chip, and I'm starting over. I figure the 3 previous months where "practice" for the real thing. I'm not out here to collect chips anyway. I'm here because I'm ready to find a better way of life.
Thanks requiredfeild and doorknob for your responses. I'm going to stay clean and sober....today at least.
chip
I decided to count Jan 3 as my sobriety date. When I'm honest with myself, I realize that I was dry.... but still practicing my alcoholism with weed instead of booze. I supose it could have been gambling, porn or whatever. The bottom line is that getting all excited about dates and times is a waste of my time. I'm not doing this to see how long I can go. It's my pride which makes me want to hold on to the sept 24 sobriety date. I'm going to let go of that.
Some people in my AA group would have a problem if I still claimed Sept 24 as my sobriety date, after admiting that I smoked weed. That alone is a good enough reason for me to change my date. I do care what others think, and I don't want to be thinking about what they think everytime I get a chip, or talk about my experience. Sure, it is a personal thing, and I'm personaly convinced that my new date is more appropriate. Even if I wasn't convinced, I'd consider changing to avoid building a barriour between myself and others in my group.
I took a 24 hour chip, and I'm starting over. I figure the 3 previous months where "practice" for the real thing. I'm not out here to collect chips anyway. I'm here because I'm ready to find a better way of life.
Thanks requiredfeild and doorknob for your responses. I'm going to stay clean and sober....today at least.
chip
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
That's cool Chip, to take a new 24 hour chip.
To be true to yourself. Me....I needed a little coaching and encouragement.
The folks here at SR help me thru it. It was a gap that a need to get back
into recovery here at home.
Some were short and direct.lol
Others stood by my side and let me make my own decisions.
Don't you just love sponsors like.lol They never tell you exactly what to do,
or what was right or wrong for me, but rather set me free.
Be responsiable for my own decisions and actions and grow up.
I relasped after 11 years, but you know...I was thinking.lmaf
I only got drunk for a couple of weeks and nothing bad had happened to me.
It's just a slip, it was as far as me falling down and picking myself.
But it was eating me up inside. After all, I was only going to NA at the time.lol
But by coming clean or be honest to my home group.
I gain so much from that experience. What was peaple going to
think or say about me and on and on....all the fears.
I earned that new 24 hour chip.lmaf
It ment more to me than my 10 years chip.
It became a foundation of my recovery ,now.
TAKE COUAGE and face my FEARS, and my HP would be there.
It was the reconnection of a relationship that I was basically crying for.
Anyhow, there's plenty of reference of MJ in the AA big book.
Chapter 16 pretty much is short and sweet about drugs and a lot of other
issue.
It's also great that your becoming aware of the ISM.
The actual dissease itself that manifest itself in many, many forms
not just through alcohol.
To be true to yourself. Me....I needed a little coaching and encouragement.
The folks here at SR help me thru it. It was a gap that a need to get back
into recovery here at home.
Some were short and direct.lol
Others stood by my side and let me make my own decisions.
Don't you just love sponsors like.lol They never tell you exactly what to do,
or what was right or wrong for me, but rather set me free.
Be responsiable for my own decisions and actions and grow up.
I relasped after 11 years, but you know...I was thinking.lmaf
I only got drunk for a couple of weeks and nothing bad had happened to me.
It's just a slip, it was as far as me falling down and picking myself.
But it was eating me up inside. After all, I was only going to NA at the time.lol
But by coming clean or be honest to my home group.
I gain so much from that experience. What was peaple going to
think or say about me and on and on....all the fears.
I earned that new 24 hour chip.lmaf
It ment more to me than my 10 years chip.
It became a foundation of my recovery ,now.
TAKE COUAGE and face my FEARS, and my HP would be there.
It was the reconnection of a relationship that I was basically crying for.
Anyhow, there's plenty of reference of MJ in the AA big book.
Chapter 16 pretty much is short and sweet about drugs and a lot of other
issue.
It's also great that your becoming aware of the ISM.
The actual dissease itself that manifest itself in many, many forms
not just through alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Thanks for sharing, Nutz.
I missed a nights sleep. I stared at the ceiling all night. I'm still clean and sober. I went to a meeting today, and cried like a baby in the car on the way home. My wife just smoked a joint outside as I ate my lunch. The familar smell drifted through the kitchen as she came in.
chip
I missed a nights sleep. I stared at the ceiling all night. I'm still clean and sober. I went to a meeting today, and cried like a baby in the car on the way home. My wife just smoked a joint outside as I ate my lunch. The familar smell drifted through the kitchen as she came in.
chip
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