Marijuanna Maintenence
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by chip
Thanks for sharing, Nutz.
I missed a nights sleep. I stared at the ceiling all night. I'm still clean and sober. I went to a meeting today, and cried like a baby in the car on the way home. My wife just smoked a joint outside as I ate my lunch. The familar smell drifted through the kitchen as she came in.
chip
I missed a nights sleep. I stared at the ceiling all night. I'm still clean and sober. I went to a meeting today, and cried like a baby in the car on the way home. My wife just smoked a joint outside as I ate my lunch. The familar smell drifted through the kitchen as she came in.
chip
So far, your story is amazing. I love your recovery and I love watching you grow with the help of your AA group and your HP. You're in for a life you never dreamed of..
In tough times, hit your knees my friend. He willl help you.... hit more meetings, call ppl, post, pray... whatever... Just don't pick up NO MATTER WHAT and it WILL get better.
Maybe you can grab another meeting tonight?
Hang in there...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Requiredfeild-
Thanks for the words of encouragment. The weekends are always hard on me.
I grabbed a bit of a nap on the couch. I'm hitting a meeting a day. I WILL NOT PICK UP. I'm praying almost constantly. I had a headache, but it's gone. I'm disturbed by the feelings of anger and rage which well up....
I won't pick up, and I'll be back here later tonight.
This will all pass, and I will get used to a better life.
chip
Thanks for the words of encouragment. The weekends are always hard on me.
I grabbed a bit of a nap on the couch. I'm hitting a meeting a day. I WILL NOT PICK UP. I'm praying almost constantly. I had a headache, but it's gone. I'm disturbed by the feelings of anger and rage which well up....
I won't pick up, and I'll be back here later tonight.
This will all pass, and I will get used to a better life.
chip
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
Chip,
All I can do is share my ESH with you.
We're getting well, it's a progression, first it was just with the alcohol.
I too live with another addict/alki.
I've spent many, many nights just crying
We're battleing gambling at the moment.
I sugguested Chapter 16 of the AA Big book , becuase
it helped so much. Life is a lot more complicated than just not drinking.
Chapter 16 pionts out a lot of issues, drugs, relationships, co-dependency.
Perfectionist..etc.
The doctor pass on his ESH. And a lot of insights/solutions to my problems.
It's also very funni to read it, becuase I can relate to the insanities.
Laughter is a great healer.
"the more I work with her, the sicker she got"
"it's not that I don't love her It's that I love her too much"
" I have a mind of midaz, everthing I see truns into gold"
" I had to treat Max (wife) like a new comer"
"working the 12 steps under my own roof..mmm that's hard"lol
" I focus on her good quilities, rather than her bad."
Yes...simple but very, very hard in the heat of the moment
or when it's stair at us in the face. "SHE is a sick person"
What has help me lately is, I'm working on loving myself.
I can only work my own program.
I got clean and sober for me. Not for her, a job,money..etc
"to thy own self be true"
This relationship and previous relationship I've been in , in recovery.
It's awszome, when each partner work one's own program.
It amazing how everything just gets better, and better.
Like heaven on earth.
It truns into sheit when when we start getting into other's program.
All I can do is share my ESH with you.
We're getting well, it's a progression, first it was just with the alcohol.
I too live with another addict/alki.
I've spent many, many nights just crying
We're battleing gambling at the moment.
I sugguested Chapter 16 of the AA Big book , becuase
it helped so much. Life is a lot more complicated than just not drinking.
Chapter 16 pionts out a lot of issues, drugs, relationships, co-dependency.
Perfectionist..etc.
The doctor pass on his ESH. And a lot of insights/solutions to my problems.
It's also very funni to read it, becuase I can relate to the insanities.
Laughter is a great healer.
"the more I work with her, the sicker she got"
"it's not that I don't love her It's that I love her too much"
" I have a mind of midaz, everthing I see truns into gold"
" I had to treat Max (wife) like a new comer"
"working the 12 steps under my own roof..mmm that's hard"lol
" I focus on her good quilities, rather than her bad."
Yes...simple but very, very hard in the heat of the moment
or when it's stair at us in the face. "SHE is a sick person"
What has help me lately is, I'm working on loving myself.
I can only work my own program.
I got clean and sober for me. Not for her, a job,money..etc
"to thy own self be true"
This relationship and previous relationship I've been in , in recovery.
It's awszome, when each partner work one's own program.
It amazing how everything just gets better, and better.
Like heaven on earth.
It truns into sheit when when we start getting into other's program.
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
(((Chip)))
I applaud your efforts. I think you are doing the right thing for you to feel clean and sober.
I've never been much for pot, but if I were, I'm sure it would have been difficult to give up. Good luck...
I hope you and your wife do start dating again, get in touch again. Who knows, maybe in time she will decide it would be a good idea for her to quit.
I applaud your efforts. I think you are doing the right thing for you to feel clean and sober.
I've never been much for pot, but if I were, I'm sure it would have been difficult to give up. Good luck...
I hope you and your wife do start dating again, get in touch again. Who knows, maybe in time she will decide it would be a good idea for her to quit.
Knucklehead
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Originally Posted by chip
Thanks for sharing, Nutz.
I missed a nights sleep. I stared at the ceiling all night. I'm still clean and sober. I went to a meeting today, and cried like a baby in the car on the way home. My wife just smoked a joint outside as I ate my lunch. The familar smell drifted through the kitchen as she came in.
chip
I missed a nights sleep. I stared at the ceiling all night. I'm still clean and sober. I went to a meeting today, and cried like a baby in the car on the way home. My wife just smoked a joint outside as I ate my lunch. The familar smell drifted through the kitchen as she came in.
chip
I remember when you first joined, I was a week or two sober. I made it to 21 days, and said screw it after cancelling my dial-up and then having technical difficulties getting my computer hooked up to cable. I was incredibly frustrated, plus had no access to SR or LifeRing or anything, and I used it as an excuse to go back to drinking and toking. Anyway... I think you have come along ways, and deserve a little pat on the back for your efforts. I'm glad you are here at SR!
DK
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: out there...
Posts: 2,653
I was a chronic pothead. Smoked daily from a wake and bake til I nodded off at night.
My drinking bought me dwi's and a couple posession charges. in 88' I decided I had to quit drinking but went through a treatment program and they educated me to the unlikley proposition of a marijuana maintenance. I heard about it at AA, but started doing NA meetings during that time period because I felt I fit in better with the heads.
After 3 years of trying to adapt the 12 steps to my ideas ( wit lousy results), I wound up doing a bid for a predicate felony DWI. I decided to give the total abstinance approach a real try and work the steps to deal with the rest of my baggage.
I have diagnosed ADD and marijuana was a coping mechanism for my inconsistent attention mechanism. Being in recovery and trying to be honest with myself to the best of my ability, i tried the professional approach to dealing with the ADD. Saw a psychiatrist in 94 - 95 and was started on Ritalin. After a 4 month trial with that I felt like it reduced my ability to be spontaneous and creative. I was totally frustrated with the professional approach, but the ritalin period did give me an opportunity to experience a different style of social interaction and the feedback I got from friends has helped me to monitor and adapt my behaviours.
About a year ago I went through a period of strugling with concentration and focus problems, and after discussing it with my family physician tried the newer ADD medication Straterra. It seemed for me to be a more effective management tool than anything else I have tred.
Just my opinion and from my own personal experience, get a handle on the abstinance thing first, before adressing the ADD too deeply. Our brains need a while to adjust to the revised conditions and lack of external chemical modifiers when we first get clean and we may go through many different symptoms that may or may not duplicate a multitude of psychiatric/mental disorder diagnosis. I don"t feel that my mind was anywhere near it's normal operative mode on a consistent basis until i was clean about 6 or 7 years. On that note each of us may experience differing progress rates, so I wouldn't suggest that 6 or 7 years is the make or break rate for everyone. Some might find a faster restoration process, while some might find it takes them longer to find a "balance". In my recovery I have also discovered I suffer from aseasonal depression. Living in the northeast, between late november and early march, i can fall into a funk that nearly incapacitates me. I stay vigilant and trust that my friends will offer me feedback, and if necessary request that my doctor give me a prescription for a temporary mild antidepressant. I view all medications as temporary solutions, and or assistances to help me through physical and mental circumstances where spiritual, behavioural, and acceptance techniques don't quite get me beyond suffering.
Since I have been without insurance as of last June, I curently am completely med free. I have noticed a few symptoms of my ADD have returned, which are complicating my productivity at work. Since i haven't been there long enough to qualify for insurance, I have advised my supervisor and asked for some consideration and assistance managing the environmental distractions.
I can surely relate to the difficulties in trying to get over the desire to catch a pot buzz, especially when it is a social bonding activity with family and friends, although during the period of 88 to 91 when I was doing my darndest to stay clean, I found the longer I was without pot, the less I enjoyed the buzz when I got back to it. The initial feeling was still great but within a minute of toking, I began to dislike the lethargic, sense numbing feeling, and couldn;t wait for the buzz to lift.
Good for you on your decision to go for the total recovery package. I think you'll find at some point it's worth every bit of effort.
My drinking bought me dwi's and a couple posession charges. in 88' I decided I had to quit drinking but went through a treatment program and they educated me to the unlikley proposition of a marijuana maintenance. I heard about it at AA, but started doing NA meetings during that time period because I felt I fit in better with the heads.
After 3 years of trying to adapt the 12 steps to my ideas ( wit lousy results), I wound up doing a bid for a predicate felony DWI. I decided to give the total abstinance approach a real try and work the steps to deal with the rest of my baggage.
I have diagnosed ADD and marijuana was a coping mechanism for my inconsistent attention mechanism. Being in recovery and trying to be honest with myself to the best of my ability, i tried the professional approach to dealing with the ADD. Saw a psychiatrist in 94 - 95 and was started on Ritalin. After a 4 month trial with that I felt like it reduced my ability to be spontaneous and creative. I was totally frustrated with the professional approach, but the ritalin period did give me an opportunity to experience a different style of social interaction and the feedback I got from friends has helped me to monitor and adapt my behaviours.
About a year ago I went through a period of strugling with concentration and focus problems, and after discussing it with my family physician tried the newer ADD medication Straterra. It seemed for me to be a more effective management tool than anything else I have tred.
Just my opinion and from my own personal experience, get a handle on the abstinance thing first, before adressing the ADD too deeply. Our brains need a while to adjust to the revised conditions and lack of external chemical modifiers when we first get clean and we may go through many different symptoms that may or may not duplicate a multitude of psychiatric/mental disorder diagnosis. I don"t feel that my mind was anywhere near it's normal operative mode on a consistent basis until i was clean about 6 or 7 years. On that note each of us may experience differing progress rates, so I wouldn't suggest that 6 or 7 years is the make or break rate for everyone. Some might find a faster restoration process, while some might find it takes them longer to find a "balance". In my recovery I have also discovered I suffer from aseasonal depression. Living in the northeast, between late november and early march, i can fall into a funk that nearly incapacitates me. I stay vigilant and trust that my friends will offer me feedback, and if necessary request that my doctor give me a prescription for a temporary mild antidepressant. I view all medications as temporary solutions, and or assistances to help me through physical and mental circumstances where spiritual, behavioural, and acceptance techniques don't quite get me beyond suffering.
Since I have been without insurance as of last June, I curently am completely med free. I have noticed a few symptoms of my ADD have returned, which are complicating my productivity at work. Since i haven't been there long enough to qualify for insurance, I have advised my supervisor and asked for some consideration and assistance managing the environmental distractions.
I can surely relate to the difficulties in trying to get over the desire to catch a pot buzz, especially when it is a social bonding activity with family and friends, although during the period of 88 to 91 when I was doing my darndest to stay clean, I found the longer I was without pot, the less I enjoyed the buzz when I got back to it. The initial feeling was still great but within a minute of toking, I began to dislike the lethargic, sense numbing feeling, and couldn;t wait for the buzz to lift.
Good for you on your decision to go for the total recovery package. I think you'll find at some point it's worth every bit of effort.
Have we seen a person fail...
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: S.S. Marie, Ont. Can.
Posts: 717
Crossroad.
Chip: You are making the right choice. Recovery is about being clean and sober. Check out "Doctor Alchoholic Addict" in the second edition of the Big Book. I tried the MR maintenance program myself. Didn't work. Ask your HP to help you minute by minute if you have to. Don't worry about what your wife will do. God will look after her also. I just recently experienced a tough crossroads myself and I have been clean and sober since March 21, 1990. A fellow member gave me a card with the following poem. I enclose it for you buddy. Hope it helps. I hang out in the bikers in recovery thread.[IMG]
[/IMG]
Rarly
[/IMG] Rarly
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Thanks for the responses and the encouragment. I posted a reply here, and couldn't read the past few responsed untill I posted. You people are helping me more than you will ever know. I thank you with all my heart.
Nurz- Ch 16 is a very important chapter for me in the BB. I've read and re-read it. I find when I get a pot craving, picking up the BB instead of a toke is the way to go.
Todayzmuse- Thanks. The wife and I still hang out sometimes when she tokes. It doesn't bother me as much now that I've taken up puffing a tobacco pipe....
Captian- I live in Canada, and pot is almost legal. I have recieved a jail sentence in my checkered past, but it was for dealing in large quantities.
Doorknob- keep on going! You are doing the right things. Thanks for the encouragement. We all need each other's help!!
Gooch- Thank you for sharing your story with me. I find hope in your words. You provided some valuable insight into ADD and pot. I think I might have been in denial a bit about needing to give up weed....and my ADD might be an excuse I've used to smoke it.
Harley- That is a wonderful poem. I'm letting God steer me down the road of life now.
Things are going good. I'm done thinking about Marijuanna as a maintence tool for my recovery. I'm all done smoking it. It's time to move on. I'm so glad I'm clean and sober today.
peace out,
chip
Nurz- Ch 16 is a very important chapter for me in the BB. I've read and re-read it. I find when I get a pot craving, picking up the BB instead of a toke is the way to go.
Todayzmuse- Thanks. The wife and I still hang out sometimes when she tokes. It doesn't bother me as much now that I've taken up puffing a tobacco pipe....
Captian- I live in Canada, and pot is almost legal. I have recieved a jail sentence in my checkered past, but it was for dealing in large quantities.
Doorknob- keep on going! You are doing the right things. Thanks for the encouragement. We all need each other's help!!
Gooch- Thank you for sharing your story with me. I find hope in your words. You provided some valuable insight into ADD and pot. I think I might have been in denial a bit about needing to give up weed....and my ADD might be an excuse I've used to smoke it.
Harley- That is a wonderful poem. I'm letting God steer me down the road of life now.
Things are going good. I'm done thinking about Marijuanna as a maintence tool for my recovery. I'm all done smoking it. It's time to move on. I'm so glad I'm clean and sober today.
peace out,
chip
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