Dan

Sincerity.

Many AA groups have adopted the custom of holding hands while saying the Lord's Prayer. We have also seen more hugging than in the past, even between the most unlikely members.

Are these new practices good or bad? In accordance with AA tradition, we have to leave such questions to the group conscience.
One thought, however, is that such physical actions do not necessary mean that any true spiritual bonding has taken place. The old-timers who never held hands or hugged still had a great closeness in spirit and in feeling.

We must also consider that we may be violating the privacy of the person who doesn't wish to hold hands or hug. If such a person chooses to stand outside the handholding circle, he or she may be cast in the role of dissenter. Would this be fair?

Handholding and hugging may be here to stay, but let's not make them out to be more than mere physical expressions. The program of the heart is still first.

I'll remember today that true bonding is spiritual, not physical.

From the book Walk in Dry Places.

Five

"Many AA groups have adopted the custom of holding hands while saying the Lord's Prayer. We have also seen more hugging than in the past, even between the most unlikely members".

Is that a touch of humour I detect in a Hazledon publication!!!!!! Can't be.

Nice post. Was never a fan of the hugging thing.

Ann

As a hugging advocate, I am cautious and respect the personal wishes of anyone I hug.

I came from a hugless family, where love was assumed and not necessarily expressed in words or actions. Hugging today is something I welcome very much and expresses sometimes what words cannot.

I think the key is appropriateness, the hug should respect the nature of the friendship, and also the willingness of the person being hugged.

And holding hands during the prayer is also something I have found comforting, a closing of the circle if you wish. Again, I guess it's a personal choice and I would never shun anyone who chose not to.

Hugs (optional)
Ann

lulu70

I am a hugger. But I only hug those people with whom I have a "hugging" relationship, if that makes sense. That said, I believe ALL people need human contact in order to thrive, and not just in a spiritual sense. Therefore, if I ever see any of you out in the real world, and you look sad, lonely, or frightened. I will be there with my arms open wide......

Big hugs to all of you--

Justme57

I had a big problem with the hug thing when I first went to AA. generally I found that MOST people respected my personal space, but there were the few who would leap 3 rows of chairs to hug me , and I HATED it! I came from a very cold family, and hugging was quite foreign to me , and made me very uncomfy.

Now that I have a bit more sober time, I find I have developed " hugging friendships " with SOME people, but there are still some I do not hug.

I had this same problem with a church I was invoved in once, so it is not exclusively AA.

Recently, I was guilty of hugging a new person, and as soon as I did it , I felt wrong, it obviously invaded his space, I apologised to him, and told him that I was aware I had invaded his space, we have since become friends ( of the non-hugging type) I was pleased to have been aware of my mistake, and able to tell him that .

HUGX LOL
Lee

Don S

Bad idea during flu season. And as for the Lord's Prayer....

Don W

I think the reason that hugging has developed in AA is because it is done more in general. In side or out of a meeting I see many hugging. For men this has even been more evident to me. You need only watch a sporting event to see this. Players and spectators in the stands think nothing of it. I am a patient at the V A Hospital in Bedford, Mass. And I can tell you that there is much more hugging among Veterans that I've seen in past. Like Ann I was brought up in a family that any affection never mind hugging was void. That of course excluded the sexual abuse, some thought that hugging was OK. Even the church I go to has expanded from shaking hands to hugging during the service. I think I can only speak for myself but, in my case it was part of the culture I was brought up in. Those days men didn't cry, and men didn't hug other men. Yet, I've seen grown men cry at meetings, after being hugged by another man. I don't think it is so much "me" thinking it is OK to hug someone but, "me" thinking it is OK to be hugged. As far as Flu season? That never bothered us when we passed a joint or bottle around. I just hope that the fear of being hugged, doesn't give someone an excuse not to go to a meeting. And this isn't exclusive to AA. I went to a Smart Recovery meeting at the V A Hospital and after the meetings everyone shook hands and hugged. Should we not shake hands either, that is a form of hand holding.

Five

Hugging is okay, its when you get a terrible trucker trying to kiss you on the lips that you really should get to a SMART meeting.

As for the lords prayer: I used to RAP it.

Don W

Know what you speak of, those truckers.

bahookie

Can I just pipe up here and say that the first time I went to an AA meeting I was hugged to within an inch of my life.

I found it quite bewildering, but decided within about 10 mins that I liked it

She doesn't go anymore, but I've developed my own hugging circle

J
xxx

Dan