Five

Top 10 Ways I’ve Changed
- a relection of the past year
From a longtime SMART Recovery member.

10. I have quieted the noise in my head- the irrational beliefs
and demands that played like tapes- the self-downing, criticism
that I tried to escape from, and replaced them with self-love, with
recognition of my inherent worth, with words of encouragement,
support, nurture.

9. I allow myself, through self-acceptance, to
express preferences and set limits with fewer demands, less
fear of rejection. I now believe that I am worth the risk that those
I love might leave, or even stop loving me, but I recognize that I am not
responsible for their feelings and responses.

8. I allow myself to feel -- not distort or exaggerate or render dull --
even unpleasant emotions. I experience them, explore them, am at
peace with them, and I know that feelings are not awful, unbearable or
disastrous. I know that feelings don’t have to be suffocated for me to make it through the day and night. I’ve learned how to replace self hatred with
self recognition and acceptance, replace fear and worry with
confidence, replace pressure, frustrations, shoulds and demands
with preferences, desires, and permissions.

7. Now I look about me, look into others’ eyes, not afraid that they
will see my shame, guilt, or fear that they can see into me and know my
secrets. Now I look into their eyes and know they see my inner
strength, my confidence, my peace, now know that what I see in
their eyes is a reflection of how I see me: a self-assured
individual with an enthusiasm for life.

6. I listen to my body, aware that physiological changes may be the
first conscious indicator of distress, recognize when the early
signs of stress and tension may be building, look for the demands that
I may be placing on myself or others.

5. I accept others, much more cognizant of the individual’s
unique beliefs, thoughts, approaches, interests, influenced
and created by his/her own history, experiences. I understand that
there usually is no right or wrong answer, approach, solution, or
lifestyle.

4. I recognize the past, the history, and the part it is playing today,
I am better able- at least eventually- to evaluate what still is
relevant, what is rational, what is useful, helpful in moving in
the direction I want to go.

3. I experience gratitude and express it, place my focus on the
positive, the pleasurable, what goes right. I’ve moved from “don’t sweat
the small stuff” to “appreciate the small stuff”, for it is those
things that make up the better part of my day. I’ve discovered that
gratitude is regenerative: the more I express it, the more I see
it, the more I express it.

2. I understand the importance of balance, of taking the time to
relax and breathe, to step off the merry-go-round each day and
reflect, observe, note, read, or just be.

1. I have found my freedom, something I now know was there within me all
along: freedom to choose how to live, the ability to 'live deep',
recognize that with knowledge, hard work, patience, practice, and persistence, comes self-empowerment, self-management, self-acceptance, love of self, love of others, and love of life,

Carol
June 11, 2000