Moving on and choosing life ~ without AA
 

Hello to all.

When I first joined SR, I was considering attending some AA meetings, but have decided not to. This is a personal choice, and I have discovered other means of support as a path to recovery. AA publications do include some of that means of support. WHY I have not chosen AA's program as a means to achieving permanent sobriety is irrelevant, as I am secure in my decision.

Though no one has outright stated this, the prevailing impression I have when I read here is that one is doomed to failure without AA. This has planted a seed of defeat in my mind, because of the predominant AA overtones and "push" (for lack of a better term) for posters to attend meetings. Am I in the wrong place?

I would be grateful for some positive feedback and the experiences of other posters who have chosen alternatives to AA as a means to recovery, as well as from AA members who support other means of recovery.

Thanks for reading my post.

Here's an excerpt I found from Dean's World

Pretty interesting reading!



First off, I'll note that any person or organization should be open to criticism. Criticism is a good thing, not a bad thing, at least when it's honest and not merely antagonistic. Besides, I've often praised AA. I've even created an alcohol abuse archive with most of what I've written on the matter, and you can see for yourself that some of it is very positive. I merely note that AA's not for everyone--and by the way, so did AA's founder Bill W. For some people, AA is the only thing that works. For others, it's a poor fit. We ought to be able to acknowledge that without being angry or defensive about it.

I have another issue, though, and that is that every time--every single time--I say anything to question what they tell you at AA meetings, suggest that not everyone drunk needs AA, or say that there are things that bother me about the AA credo, I get scads of angry letters, defensive comments, and insinuations about my character. I can no longer count the number of times in the last five and a half weeks that I have been told that I am:

1) In denial
2) Think I know everything
3) Think I'm smarter than other drunks
4) Not truly committed to recovery
5) Will fall off the wagon soon
6) Am hurting alcoholics by discouraging them from seeking AA

I'm bracing myself for still more of all of the above just for posting this article.

Then again, whenever I say anything skeptical of AA, or mention alternatives such as Women for Sobriety, Moderation Management, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery, books on quitting without AA, or people who claim that A.A. caused them problems, you know what else I get?

1) Emails from people who left AA because they hated it, and got sober anyway.
2) Emails from women thanking me for turning them on to Women for Sobriety because they liked it so much better than AA.
3) People who found that they could, after all, moderate their drinking, and were angry that AA told them they could never moderate.
4) Emails from AA members who've been with the organization for over 10 years, but who encourage me. "Whatever works, do it, and call or write me any time if you need help," they tell me.

I have found the last group to be the most inspiring, by the way.

Then, there are some other letters I've gotten from the people still struggling with alcohol. I've gotten several that go a lot like this:

"I can't stop drinking, but I hate those AA meetings so much. They just make me feel worse. I've decided I'm constitutionally incapable of change. I'm powerless before alcohol, and I'd rather drink than go to any more of their meetings. I hope you can save yourself, it's too late for me."

I've also gotten mails that just say things like, "I'm having trouble with alcohol too, thanks for sharing your struggle and not being afraid to ask questions or explore alternatives." Indeed, I got another one just like that last night.

It's a little humbling, because people are asking me for advice and I'm still stumbling a bit in the dark myself. Then again, I haven't had a drink since February 26th, so I guess that's worth something. More to the point, I think an awful lot of people are simply not comfortable with group meetings, or have issues with the 12-step approach, and are glad to see that there are alternatives that can be explored.

The fact of the matter is that there are alternatives to AA which seem to work a lot better for some people. I haven't set foot in an AA meeting in more than a month. I have no intention of attending anther one, either, because I simply don't like them. But I have used the services of a psychologist who is herself an alcoholic who has not had a drink in 15 years--and who herself does not endorse AA. The woman's got her Ph.D. and treats drunks and addicts for a living. But no AA for her, and not for most of her clients either.

Being honest with yourself is the most important thing. That's one thing I'll never argue with the AA folks about. But beyond that, we need to stop treating this or any other treatment plan like it cannot be questioned, cannot be improved upon, or cannot be a negative thing for some people.

Again, by the way, I've gotten chills down my spine from people who've told me, "I'm constitutionally incapable fo change. I can't go back to those meetings, I just can't."

Straight out of the AA credo, that line about "constitutionally incapable." Ditto the people who say they're "powerless" and have therefore given up. Yes, AA's defenders will say they're misinterpreting those words, but I say, maybe the real problem is they need to hear some different words. Let's not give them, or me, a hard time for seeking out alternatives if one approach isn't meeting their needs.

I ask my question again: is the goal to get people into AA, or is it to help them?

Impressions and perceptions...
They get the best of me sometimes.

I'm a member of AA, Autumn. A grateful one, most days. And terminally curious about any recovery method. Some of the most meaningful friendships I enjoy here on these forums are with members who are seeking, or have found, alternatives to AA that make a difference in their lives.

At any rate, it's unfortunate you have felt less than understood here.
Sometimes, a member that seems to always be pushing meetings simply has nothing else to offer, you know?
And there are certainly members that are more abrasive than others.
Again, a reflection that SR is a little slice of society, albeit in 2D.
You're not the first, and certainly won't be the last. Can I make a suggestion?
Stick around long enough to sample all of the menu here at SoberRecovery.

I don't push AA as the only way but I would push AA as a way I know that works. I wasn't directly involved with AA but those who helped me find understanding that had me stop drinking were from AA. I found the steps of recovery and growth through reading the bible and bible studies. I also found that the steps used by most recovery groups, match up with what I found in the bible.
Recovery methods on my list would look like this...

#1-Christian based... for those who are accepting of a Christian way of life and accepting of Jesus.
#2-AA for those willing to work a known program that has worked for many others.
#3-What ever you find that works for you..even if you do it totally on your own with no program at all.

As far as the goal of stopping drinking....
the most important program is What ever works for you If you find something doesn't work, you still have the option of seeking known programs at that point.

Thanks Christina, for your post. It was enlightening, informative and uplifting.

Your intelligence and open-mindedness are most welcome to me.

No need to feel as if I'm hiding in the shadows....

Thanks for your unbiased input, DD. It is most welcome, and with time, I will explore all that SR has to offer.

Fantastic post. Thanks for your support.

As you look over the opinions and experiences of others... take what you want and leave the rest.
You can always come back and look things over and take more later. It isn't a one trip to the buffet and your done. You can go back as many times as you want.

Hi Tink, and thanks for sharing.

I am inventing my own program also.

Glad to see that yours is working for you, and congrats on your continued sobriety.

Your post is an inspiration to me!

Thanks for taking the time to respond Best, and for all your input as well. I'm glad you have found what works for you.

:)

Hi Autumn,

I am not an AA person either. There are many reasons why I choose the recovery path that I follow. I have been sober for 5 years now and depend on SR as a source of information and inspiration. PM me anytime if you feel like talking.

My comments below are exactly that, comments. I am a ex-addict that has no training whatsoever.

There is always self will. I do find helpful posts here at SR. Posts by Don S. come to mind.

I am not an alcoholic, but a recovered pot fiend.

AA dosen't have the coner on the market for recovery,
but the door are always open.
You are free to come and go as you choose.
I'm a member , when I say I am.

Attending AA dosen't stop me from being associated
or being a member of other orginizations or groups.
Or simply....living. AA has no opinion on outside issues.

If one finds oneself being sent by the system court.
It's between the indiviual and the court, not AA.
You can get anybody to sign a courtcard...but most newcomers are
so wacked and are not aware of it.
AA do not run recovery home nor any other institutions.

However.....I'm sick and I need help and surpport
I have a CHIOCE and freedom.
Nobody can live my life for me or make the hard chioces for me.
That takes me out of the victomhood syndrom.
Therefore no one can work my recovery for me, no matter
what methed, steps, procedures, guidlines, instructions.
It's my responsiblities, my failures, my glories, my defeats, my vitories.
Whatever it is......It works, if you work it.
I don't need to get drunk over it, nor I need to get drunk if
I choose not to attend or seek help from AA.

I am never alone.

I choose AA..
mmm just to remind me , there's nutty peaple just like me.lol
Makes me feel right at home.
How do I know they're nutz just like me ???
aneswer:.....they understanding me or know what the hell am saying,
feeling, thingking.lol

On a good day, I'm also reminded to be greatful for what I have.
Cuz there's nuttier members than me.lol

hi
 

hey autumn thanks for the compliment. you can message me anytime as well. :hello2

i think everyone is different and i respect everyones way of doing what they have to do. in the end we all want the same thing..."To live a healthy sober life" we just take different roads there. SR is my AA i guess you could say

Let go and let Go
 

let go and let God Hi! I am new here, but I am not new to recovery from the most baffling disease I and many others have ever known. I have quit drinking and drugging thousands of times- it was the ability to stay quit that had me by the kahunas :wiggle: Hell I stayed quit once for sixteen years- had a tallboy one hot summer day and within three weeks everything I had accomplished in those sixteen years was gone. God willing- I am sober nearly six years again and the one thing I am sure of is that I am but an instrument of my higher powers peace and grace. I am an active member of AA- it works for me- whatever can keep me sober is what i need- I don't know about you- but i never want the misery and pain of active addiction again- I am willing to go to any lengths. God bless

The only question I have for ANYONE working ANY program is...

"So...how's that workin' out fer ya?"

If it's workin', fine...if not, ya might look for another program.

Nutz...yer last line///I ever met ya?

BubbaBob

The Alcoholism and What Is Recovery forums both have threads about alternative methods. Feel free to post your questions and comments on either of those forums and I'm sure you'll get useful feedback. Tyler, bartender, and I are among the members of SR who use alternative approaches (SMART Recovery in my case and bartender's), and watch for anything written by equus. Millwallj uses CBT--cognitive behavioral therapy--which has a similar basis as SMART.
In the 'Comments on AA's Triennial Surveys' (an internal AA document) discussed in various books, 60% of AA meeting attendees reported getting outside help as well. Don S

let go and let God

It is true. Many people may push AA as the only alternative to recovery. Most of the time, though, it is because it has worked for them. I use AA, among other things, as a method of recovery. Early on I also went to treatment and had group and individual therapy. As a matter of fact, I am on my way to a meeting at my old treatment center where I will lead and tell my story. It is truly a blessing.

I don't know if I could have stayed sober this long (19+ months) without AA. I tried to quit drinking a number of times on my own, but it didn't work. Of course, I also tried to continue living my life the way I had always lived it minus the alcohol. I do NOT reccommend that.... My point is, I will always suggest AA to newcomers because it has worked for me.

If people can get sober using other methods, and I know they can--the evidence is right here--then more power to them. My only wish is that no one have to needlessly continue to suffer from this disease.

Thanks for sharing, Autumn and others. I appreciate hearing about what others are doing....as long as it is working!

Hugs to all--