Moving on and choosing life ~ without AA

Old 10-03-2005, 03:40 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Meeting makers make it!
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist -- JUST KIDDING!!! :joke:

Now, while I'm a firm believer in AA and that whole enchilada, I say whatever works -- but work it!!! I'm sorry to say that so many people disapprove of a program, but have never even made an attempt at working it -- what a concept!

I guarantee if I read a book on SMART, or cognitive therapy, there must be some kind of action associated with it... if I don't act and take some personal responsibility for my self, I probably will not get much in the way of results...

I have to say that I, too, get uncomfortable when folks start riding me at meetings (and I go to some pretty 'intimate' meetings, meaning we all know each other pretty well). Yes, my sobriety comes FIRST in all areas, but I train my ass off during the week, and unfortunately my meeting time suffers (I also have to work, spend time with my family, etc.). It's all about balance. I think my sponsor is understanding that about me. But again, if I blow off my meetings (or the work associated with my chosen program, because I have things I need to do and live every day to stay sober) I WILL get myself into trouble.

Hope that makes sense -- bottom line is that you need to do the footwork, no matter what program you choose.

Tink -- side note, it's curious that meetings make you crave. I felt the same way for a while when I was 'in and out' of sobriety. For some reason, the switch got flipped (well, I know why, but I can't be discussing my 'spiritual' beliefs on this type of thread) and now I know that only I can make me crave... interesting, never thought others had that happen...

Enough from me -- I'm rambling!

Ken
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Old 10-03-2005, 03:40 PM
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I am also one of those who have found recovery apart from attending AA and 12 stepping as they say.

However, I did go through a recovery program and as an out-patient was provided many tools that not only helped me understand who I was (an addict) but how to develop and tweak my personal recovery program.

The main thing I have learned is that recovery is a life long activity and that I must be active in my program on a regular and consistent basis.

I have total respect for AA and its programs and I am very thankful that they sponsor this site. Reading and posting here is part of my personal recovery program.
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:03 PM
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I always suggest AA to a someone newly sober. Even though I am no longer a member myself, I do think that for some it is the only way. It just wasn't my way. Although, I do not think that I would be creeping up on my year mark if it wasn't for the exposure that I got in AA my first few months of sobriety. I am grateful that I did attend AA in the beginning. I just do not attend anymore.

I do still go to individual therapy and that seems to be working for me. I've cut back a bit on the amount of sessions simply because I am feeling strong and good with myself right now. If I slip or go back out, if I don't die from my addiction, I would probably start over with AA.

But for now, what I'm doing is working and I see no reason to change the way that I am staying sober.
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:12 PM
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Jerry....AA does not sponsor sR!
Many of us who share here are AA.
The official AA site is not this much fun!


Autumn...I hope you find lasting sobriety. What joy it is! .


Yes....I share the AA message....as do countless others who saved their lives with AA.
Each one reach one!
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Autumn
Hello to all.

When I first joined SR, I was considering attending some AA meetings, but have decided not to. This is a personal choice, and I have discovered other means of support as a path to recovery. AA publications do include some of that means of support. WHY I have not chosen AA's program as a means to achieving permanent sobriety is irrelevant, as I am secure in my decision.

Though no one has outright stated this, the prevailing impression I have when I read here is that one is doomed to failure without AA. This has planted a seed of defeat in my mind, because of the predominant AA overtones and "push" (for lack of a better term) for posters to attend meetings. Am I in the wrong place?

I would be grateful for some positive feedback and the experiences of other posters who have chosen alternatives to AA as a means to recovery, as well as from AA members who support other means of recovery.

Thanks for reading my post.
Autumn,

As you can see, you are not alone. I, at times, feel as you do at SR. I hope you stick around!

Paul
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:31 PM
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[
I hope I dont get jumped on here, but,.....does anyone here actually know FIRSTHAND any alcoholic that cured themselves back to being able to drink moderately? Because I keep hearing people say that "many have" and nobody ever says they actually know them. I just cannot imagine myself or any of the alcoholics in my meetings I know, ever being able to drink normally, plus Ive never met someone who has.
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:32 PM
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First off, I'll note that any person or organization should be open to criticism. Criticism is a good thing, not a bad thing, at least when it's honest and not merely antagonistic. Besides, I've often praised AA. I've even created an alcohol abuse archive with most of what I've written on the matter, and you can see for yourself that some of it is very positive. I merely note that AA's not for everyone--and by the way, so did AA's founder Bill W. For some people, AA is the only thing that works. For others, it's a poor fit. We ought to be able to acknowledge that without being angry or defensive about it.

I have another issue, though, and that is that every time--every single time--I say anything to question what they tell you at AA meetings, suggest that not everyone drunk needs AA, or say that there are things that bother me about the AA credo, I get scads of angry letters, defensive comments, and insinuations about my character. I can no longer count the number of times in the last five and a half weeks that I have been told that I am:

1) In denial
2) Think I know everything
3) Think I'm smarter than other drunks
4) Not truly committed to recovery
5) Will fall off the wagon soon
6) Am hurting alcoholics by discouraging them from seeking AA

I'm bracing myself for still more of all of the above just for posting this article.

Then again, whenever I say anything skeptical of AA, or mention alternatives such as Women for Sobriety, Moderation Management, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery, books on quitting without AA, or people who claim that A.A. caused them problems, you know what else I get?

1) Emails from people who left AA because they hated it, and got sober anyway.
2) Emails from women thanking me for turning them on to Women for Sobriety because they liked it so much better than AA.
3) People who found that they could, after all, moderate their drinking, and were angry that AA told them they could never moderate.
4) Emails from AA members who've been with the organization for over 10 years, but who encourage me. "Whatever works, do it, and call or write me any time if you need help," they tell me.

I have found the last group to be the most inspiring, by the way.

Then, there are some other letters I've gotten from the people still struggling with alcohol. I've gotten several that go a lot like this:

"I can't stop drinking, but I hate those AA meetings so much. They just make me feel worse. I've decided I'm constitutionally incapable of change. I'm powerless before alcohol, and I'd rather drink than go to any more of their meetings. I hope you can save yourself, it's too late for me."

I've also gotten mails that just say things like, "I'm having trouble with alcohol too, thanks for sharing your struggle and not being afraid to ask questions or explore alternatives." Indeed, I got another one just like that last night.

It's a little humbling, because people are asking me for advice and I'm still stumbling a bit in the dark myself. Then again, I haven't had a drink since February 26th, so I guess that's worth something. More to the point, I think an awful lot of people are simply not comfortable with group meetings, or have issues with the 12-step approach, and are glad to see that there are alternatives that can be explored.

The fact of the matter is that there are alternatives to AA which seem to work a lot better for some people. I haven't set foot in an AA meeting in more than a month. I have no intention of attending anther one, either, because I simply don't like them. But I have used the services of a psychologist who is herself an alcoholic who has not had a drink in 15 years--and who herself does not endorse AA. The woman's got her Ph.D. and treats drunks and addicts for a living. But no AA for her, and not for most of her clients either.

Being honest with yourself is the most important thing. That's one thing I'll never argue with the AA folks about. But beyond that, we need to stop treating this or any other treatment plan like it cannot be questioned, cannot be improved upon, or cannot be a negative thing for some people.

Again, by the way, I've gotten chills down my spine from people who've told me, "I'm constitutionally incapable fo change. I can't go back to those meetings, I just can't."

Straight out of the AA credo, that line about "constitutionally incapable." Ditto the people who say they're "powerless" and have therefore given up. Yes, AA's defenders will say they're misinterpreting those words, but I say, maybe the real problem is they need to hear some different words. Let's not give them, or me, a hard time for seeking out alternatives if one approach isn't meeting their needs.

I ask my question again: is the goal to get people into AA, or is it to help them?
This resonates very strongly with what I feel, and what I have experienced while seeking help for my addiction.
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:41 PM
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Originally Posted by DangerousDan
I'm a member of AA, Autumn. A grateful one, most days. And terminally curious about any recovery method. Some of the most meaningful friendships I enjoy here on these forums are with members who are seeking, or have found, alternatives to AA that make a difference in their lives.
Dan,

I wish you were at the AA meetings that I occasionally attend. Dude, you are the shiznit!

Paul

P.S. Thanks for the phat a$$ graphics you've been making!
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:49 PM
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Why was this started in Newcomers?
 
Old 10-03-2005, 04:52 PM
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Originally Posted by earlybird
I just cannot imagine myself or any of the alcoholics in my meetings I know, ever being able to drink normally, plus Ive never met someone who has.
Early, I haven't either. But many get forced to attend AA who may not be alcoholics, and are probably told they are, and are in denial, etc. Or maybe they are having some temporary success, and the other foot hasn't dropped yet. Or maybe some people in the early stages of alcoholism have a greater chance of returning to moderate drinking. I'm with you, I know I can't do it, atleast not reliably.
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Old 10-03-2005, 04:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Doug
Why was this started in Newcomers?
This is an issue that newcomers face every single day in this world.
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Old 10-03-2005, 05:11 PM
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AA is one of my favorite recovery tools as long as I take what I need and leave the rest....
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Old 10-03-2005, 05:22 PM
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Originally Posted by earlybird
[
I hope I dont get jumped on here, but,.....does anyone here actually know FIRSTHAND any alcoholic that cured themselves back to being able to drink moderately? Because I keep hearing people say that "many have" and nobody ever says they actually know them. I just cannot imagine myself or any of the alcoholics in my meetings I know, ever being able to drink normally, plus Ive never met someone who has.
Why are you asking that on this thread? It has nothing to do with the topic, which--in case you missed it--was about people who use alternative methods of recovery. SMART, SOS, LifeRing, WFS, and RR are all abstinence-based programs.
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Old 10-03-2005, 06:24 PM
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Thanks to everyone for your replies. I will respond to each poster.

I appreciate the time you all have taken to share.

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Old 10-03-2005, 06:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Doug
Why was this started in Newcomers?
Hi neighbor.

I thought I would address your post first. Right now, the Newcomers forum is where I feel most comfortable. I have been with SR give or take a week.

I also reflect doorknobs's sentiments. This is an issue that newcomers face every day in this world.

Nice to meet you, BTW....
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Old 10-03-2005, 06:54 PM
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new2sobriety, thanks for the info on alternatives to AA. Meetings were not the answer for me. I hope you don't get negative feedback I thought that was a great post.
Thanks!
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Old 10-03-2005, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by bfree4u
new2sobriety, thanks for the info on alternatives to AA. Meetings were not the answer for me. I hope you don't get negative feedback I thought that was a great post.
Thanks!

Nah...it's okay if I get negative feedback, I don't mind. It's not E-BAY or anything!

Appreciate you commenting. I have yet to go to a "meeting". I was thinking about starting up my own club! Just gotta come up with a good name first!
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Old 10-03-2005, 07:38 PM
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I worked my own program for 30 days, then relapsed. I worked my own program for 60 days then relapsed again. That's when I figured out I needed more than my own program. I've been sober ever since. AA isn't for everybody, but working your own program isn't either. The key is finding what does work. Sometimes we have to take a couple of good hard falls to finally figure it out.
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Old 10-03-2005, 08:40 PM
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You have to find your own way to recovery there are so many to choose from, for me I work my own program which has AA, NA, Church, open to all.

Love Vic
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Old 10-03-2005, 09:12 PM
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I, too, have had my doubts about AA. Especially with the experience I had with my "temporary" sponsor. I have decided to still go to meetings and look for what might be useful. I went to a meeting tonight, in fact and feel better because of it.

One thing I do know is that there are a lot of great people in AA. Many really care and are quite wonderful. You just have to realize that like the world at large, there are all kinds in the program.

I applaud anyone who stays sober regardless of how they do it. I am most impressed with those who stay sober and are happy. That is what I want and for now I am looking in AA. Doesn't mean I won't add non AA elements to the mix in the future. I'll try to keep an open mind.

Jup.
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