waterface

Hi

I've lost my girlfriend of 17 months. I was drinking, hiding it, it stopped me from comiting, caused rows, made her cry, made her so low that she went out & thought 'if anyone approaches me & they're nice, i'll give it a try' & it happened. This is something she has never done before & was upset that she did it. This guy is 10 years younger at 21 & i can't see him comiting to someoneelses kids, as on his profile on msn, he likes beer, wine, spirits & women & she don't drink!! She ended it Thursdeay, she wishes it hadn't coome to this & so do i. I never was aggressive, just stupid. I've cryed & cryed, i'm so upset, i love her with all my heart, her kids too.

We hada refresh time & i started my efforts to quit by attending alcohol advisory & my doc & now 22 days on i'm sober. I never drank lots & not everyday anyway.But it's too late. She told me that she was seeing him last night for the first time since she finished with me & i was picturing in my head them being intimate & close. They saw each other 3 times prior to this, but she couldn;t do anything sexual because of her thoughts for me.

I'm, so upset, i dream of her & i dread waking up to this reality of her not being there & it's all my fault, she said she wants to see me as a friend, i am close to her kids & over time i told her i'll shown her. Alcohol was the stem of the probs, other arguments came as an indirect result of it, like i wouldn't spend money on shopping, because of drink! i feel so bad, crying, in disbelief & am very low, please help!! my world is in tatters.

Gabe

Gaz, take some big, deep breaths.
Several of them.
This is painful stuff you're dealing with.
But you will get through it, sure you will.
One day at a time.
One breath at a time if needs be.
What's done is done, focus on what you can do to make today better.
Sometimes it helps to stop centering on the problem and just do something for you.
Go for a walk.
Call a friend.
Take your mind and your energy away from it for a while.
Then when you come back to it, you may have a different perspective on things.
This is not the end of the world.
It's a change that you have to deal with.
Change often brings us good gifts, we just don't always see them at first glance.
Sending some light your way.

Grimnar

I have been told that nothing will get better until you make the change for YOU. Do that and then deal with the other problems. At this point nothing is final it seems. Take care of yourself and have hope. Keep coming back.

waterface

Thanks & hi,

I do know i need to do things to get my head off it!, i'm due to go to my first AA meet tommorow & that will be different to lying in bed with a black shirt over my eyes taking valium to null the pain. I feel better at night & horrible when i wake, why is this? I miss her so much, the picture & thought of someone wlse in my place kills me everyday. I maybe naive & i am, especially with long term relationship & ive lost another in the past but never learned.

I feel whatever i do won't be able to take my mind of this, as it's so fresh & i hurt so much, as this relationship, with me being a stepfather & would give me confidence to sort myself out, with alcohol & career. I drank after warnings, not heeavy, but she could tell if i'd had one can of beer by my speach & that annoyed her. My drinking was the latin way, wine whilst cooking as they do , it wasn't downing vodka out of a bag in the park!

She says she'l see me again for coffees in town & i hope she means it, as i can indirectly show her my change, the change that she believes i can't do & she can't afford to take!

All relationships are a risk, from day 1.
Thanks
Gaz