narekkm

I really need to get this off my chest before I explode or actually do consider killing my AH out of total frustration.

This morning my AH told me he stopped drinking yesterday after drinking again for over a week. My AH is not a maintenance drunk, but a drink till he passes out stone cold drunk. I did not really believe him as I have heard this all before at least one too many times.

I will not get too much into his history of drinking only to say that he has never made a solid committment to his recovery. He'll go to meetings but has never gotten a sponsor or worked his steps since we met and married two years ago.

When I got home from work this afternoon, there he was completely passed out on the couch with puke running down his leg of what he had just eaten, chicken chili, the fork on the floor and damn near comotose.

I blew it. Started ranting, raving, slapping, kicking, throwing. Dumped the rest of his food on his shirt, poured water over his head and thought it would be so much better for everyone right now if he would just asperate and be done with the whole mess.

Throughout my whole tirade, he never said a word. Just gave me that blank stare for a few seconds before passing out again. I am beside myself with shame for lack of control over my own emotions and actions. It's like I have no recovery of my own to help me with these situations. I know what I'm supposed to do and my god I try most of the time. And then, there are this instances where I just wish he would go away - forever.

I don't know, even if he gets sober - soon - that there is any chance for reconciliation. I just don't know if I can get past all this anger towards him and shame and disappointment with myself.

Maybe an A in recovery can give me some insight as to what is going on with him and how I can help myself when he is so damn drunk.

Thanks for listening.

Karen

recoveringaddic

you are right, right now you need to concentrate on you. he has to want help, and it seems at this point he doesn't want it. i would suggest to you to get out, of this bad situation until he or she can pull themselves together.

you asked if there is a possibillity if you guys could continue on with the relationship if he or she gets help. well sometimes the relationship survives and sometimes it doesn't. you have to learn to accept things for what they are. sometimes things are how you see it. please please help yourself first, and let he or she make to deccision to help themself.

DON'T BANG YOUR HEAD AGANIST THE WALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slowbriety

over what happened, you are human. i know for me, it took me a long time to finally figure it out that i am human and its ok to make a mistake as long as i learn from it and if i see myself loosing control again i have to stop and reflect back at another situation, see how i can handle this one differently and ask God to help me through this one. I know when i was actively drinking i didnt want anyone to tell me i had a problem or that i needed help, only when i was truely ready to stop drinking and change my life did i ask for help. I have to give my family credit, i know it killed them to watch me slowly kill myself but when i was finally ready they were there for me with support. which was awsome, im very blessed to have still had them in my life for that. come to find out, they hated what i was doing but they knew there was nothing they could do for me, and my parents have said it many times that the way i was was not really me, i was just a very sick person.

for me, being in a situation like yours, i would have to step back and look at the big picture of things, how is this effecting me and and so on and so on. the most important thing for me is my sobriety, with out it i dont have anything. so to be in a situation that is or may have the potintial to effect my sobriety i would have to walk away.

like i said this is only for me, but maybe you got something out of it.

peace.

MNGirlyGirl

I think you need to get yourself away from the situation. There is no justification in hitting someone even though you are frustrated. You can't make the decision for him to quit. You need to take care of yourself. Leave while you still have your dignity.

michaelj

Narekkm,
I am an alcoholic and reading your post brought back painful memories for me. The scenario was almost exactly as you described. I had been blind drunk and had crashed out on the sofa. My wife went to bed and in the morning I woke to find I had vomited all over the place. I was lucky I didn't kill myself.
The weird thing is that this incident did not change my behaviour. If I had reacted rationally I would have recognised my alcoholic behaviour and changed to prevent a recurrence.
I denied that I had a problem and carried on drinking for the next 15 years.
It took me that long to realise that I really did have a problem and that I could no longer put off doing something about it.
There lies the problem. The alcoholic will deny and deny and there is nothing you can do to change that.
I am not surprised that you reacted the way you did. Behaviour such as mine is absolutely unacceptable in a relationship. I am eternally ashamed for my behaviour and I believe that my wife has forgiven me even though it was unforgivable.
I hope for both your sakes that you partner recognises how damaging his actions are boh physically and to your relationship. I hope that he can become sober before its too late.
I am sorry that I can offer no words of comfort, the ball is in his court, he calls the shots.
Michael