Is this irrationality normal?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: IL
Posts: 19
Is this irrationality normal?
Hello,
This is my first post here. Although I have alot to say and so many questions, I thought it best to spend the past week reading first.
My husband was addicted to prescription pain meds, he went into detox and came home clean 8 days ago. The last 8 days have been hell. I am trying so hard to be supportive, but his irrational thinking is impossible. Just to give you an example - tonight he asked me if I was uncomfortable with him sleeping in our bed. I responded "No, its fine." It really is fine. Out of no where he flew off the handle! He decided I said it's fine to make him feel bad??? And now he is sleeping in the van.
It was scary and I honestly have no idea what happened. And I am usually very capable to see my fault in things. This is all very new to me and I am making all sorts of mistakes. And I get he's dealing with a lot of guilt. I'm trying to make sure he knows he is loved. But I'm not kidding it is pure insanity. The things he says are so far out there I am very worried.
So 8 days clean, 12 days since his last pill - is this normal? How long does it last? What can I do (if anything)?
Oh, and I am not a codependant. I really tried to identify with that and there's just no way. I'm married to an addict and I'm not a codepedant, what does that make me?
This is my first post here. Although I have alot to say and so many questions, I thought it best to spend the past week reading first.
My husband was addicted to prescription pain meds, he went into detox and came home clean 8 days ago. The last 8 days have been hell. I am trying so hard to be supportive, but his irrational thinking is impossible. Just to give you an example - tonight he asked me if I was uncomfortable with him sleeping in our bed. I responded "No, its fine." It really is fine. Out of no where he flew off the handle! He decided I said it's fine to make him feel bad??? And now he is sleeping in the van.
It was scary and I honestly have no idea what happened. And I am usually very capable to see my fault in things. This is all very new to me and I am making all sorts of mistakes. And I get he's dealing with a lot of guilt. I'm trying to make sure he knows he is loved. But I'm not kidding it is pure insanity. The things he says are so far out there I am very worried.
So 8 days clean, 12 days since his last pill - is this normal? How long does it last? What can I do (if anything)?
Oh, and I am not a codependant. I really tried to identify with that and there's just no way. I'm married to an addict and I'm not a codepedant, what does that make me?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,863
It makes you the wife of an addict. Welcome to hell. Seriously, if he just did detox and isn't in some program of recovery, he hasn't addressed the real issues. A lot of people become addicted to prescribed medicine. How did he come to the decision to go to a detox facility? Was it something he feels was forced on him? Was it his idea?
If he feels resentment about being forced into detox, what you are seeing may be that resentment. If it was his idea, then what you are seeing is someone who has had the drug removed from his system, but is at a loss now of what to do. He really needs to either seek counseling or get into a program such as NA or some other support group.
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here for YOU. We have a Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum where I think you will find a lot of support. Here's the link...
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
If he feels resentment about being forced into detox, what you are seeing may be that resentment. If it was his idea, then what you are seeing is someone who has had the drug removed from his system, but is at a loss now of what to do. He really needs to either seek counseling or get into a program such as NA or some other support group.
Welcome to SR. You will find a lot of support here for YOU. We have a Friends and Family of Substance Abusers forum where I think you will find a lot of support. Here's the link...
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: IL
Posts: 19
Thank you so much for your reply already! It must be the he doesn't know what to do. He's having major difficulties with the program thing, he wanted to go to an inpatient program but the waiting lists in IL are months long (we have state insurance). I can't figure out meetinfs or outpatient - his drivers license is suspended. We live 40 minutes from any meeting, I have 4 kids and not a spare minute to shower.
so he did an online meeting and that's a much different thing.
Anyways, we have to find a way to make that work I know. Will that get rid of this irrational craziness?
so he did an online meeting and that's a much different thing.
Anyways, we have to find a way to make that work I know. Will that get rid of this irrational craziness?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
The time following detox is typically an emotional roller coaster. It can look quite irrational and to some extent is. One thing you might try is to let him know you understand how hard it is for him now, and then ask him what he needs from you. Don’t let the conversation get any more complicated and keep comming back to that.
I'm thinking you might get more responses in the friends and family, and/or substance abuse forum. Perhaps have Dee move your post? In any event best wishes.
I'm thinking you might get more responses in the friends and family, and/or substance abuse forum. Perhaps have Dee move your post? In any event best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by laura802 
Hello,
This is my first post here. Although I have alot to say and so many questions, I thought it best to spend the past week reading first.
My husband was addicted to prescription pain meds, he went into detox and came home clean 8 days ago. The last 8 days have been hell. I am trying so hard to be supportive, but his irrational thinking is impossible. Just to give you an example - tonight he asked me if I was uncomfortable with him sleeping in our bed. I responded "No, its fine." It really is fine. Out of no where he flew off the handle! He decided I said it's fine to make him feel bad??? And now he is sleeping in the van.
It was scary and I honestly have no idea what happened. And I am usually very capable to see my fault in things. This is all very new to me and I am making all sorts of mistakes. And I get he's dealing with a lot of guilt. I'm trying to make sure he knows he is loved. But I'm not kidding it is pure insanity. The things he says are so far out there I am very worried.
So 8 days clean, 12 days since his last pill - is this normal? How long does it last? What can I do (if anything)?
Oh, and I am not a codependant. I really tried to identify with that and there's just no way. I'm married to an addict and I'm not a codepedant, what does that make me?
This is my first post here. Although I have alot to say and so many questions, I thought it best to spend the past week reading first.
My husband was addicted to prescription pain meds, he went into detox and came home clean 8 days ago. The last 8 days have been hell. I am trying so hard to be supportive, but his irrational thinking is impossible. Just to give you an example - tonight he asked me if I was uncomfortable with him sleeping in our bed. I responded "No, its fine." It really is fine. Out of no where he flew off the handle! He decided I said it's fine to make him feel bad??? And now he is sleeping in the van.
It was scary and I honestly have no idea what happened. And I am usually very capable to see my fault in things. This is all very new to me and I am making all sorts of mistakes. And I get he's dealing with a lot of guilt. I'm trying to make sure he knows he is loved. But I'm not kidding it is pure insanity. The things he says are so far out there I am very worried.
So 8 days clean, 12 days since his last pill - is this normal? How long does it last? What can I do (if anything)?
Oh, and I am not a codependant. I really tried to identify with that and there's just no way. I'm married to an addict and I'm not a codepedant, what does that make me?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
If your husband is like me he needs meetings. Does/did he drink as well as take the pills?
I strongly suggest he call your local AA or NA number in the phone book and talk to the folks there. I bet someone would pick him up and take him to the local meetings. He will have to ask.
As you are experiencing, this is not a G.D. game we are playing. He needs to get with the other recovering folks at meetings or things will get worse. YES... worse.
Al-Anon would help you as well. Call them.
All the best.
Bob R
I strongly suggest he call your local AA or NA number in the phone book and talk to the folks there. I bet someone would pick him up and take him to the local meetings. He will have to ask.
As you are experiencing, this is not a G.D. game we are playing. He needs to get with the other recovering folks at meetings or things will get worse. YES... worse.
Al-Anon would help you as well. Call them.
All the best.
Bob R
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