Happy People Stink
 

Hello All, and Happy New Year.

Does anyone have any ideas or theory on just why I don't want to be around happy people? Sounds silly. I feel awful about this.

I'm going into eight months of recovery. I am a grateful person. I am a caring person. I appreciate people, and have never in my life been jealous of anyone or mean to a single soul on purpose.

I have a few younger friends who just got engaged. I adore them all. I am super thrilled for them......yet I don't want to "see the ring" or rejoice with them or do a jig. This is NOT like me. I'm usually the first person to run, and celebrate, and hug, and kiss. I just don't feel like it.

My family have actually said I am mean, and rude, and they just don't know what is wrong with me. Hey, I'd like to know. I plan on enjoying these events with my friends.....I just don't feel it right now.

Please anyone.....fill me in. Thank you from a rude person. ;)

It sounds like there be something brewing underneath the surface. Are you working a recovery program?

Thanks 2Dayz. I am. I am. This is killing me.

Could it be because I've always feigned happiness, and joy even when I was not in the mood? I am living life honestly now, and don't want to just pretend when it isn't the best time for me. I was raised to "never let em see you down". Another words by strict German upbringing to always put your best face forward even if you are crying inside. I just do NOT do that anymore.

Maybe that's it?

What step are you currently working? Are you building a relationship with a higher power? My HP wants me to be happy, joyous, and free, and I am beginning to experience serenity for the first time in my life because I am working the steps and giving more than I am taking. (15 months sober)

We can make a choice to find the joy in every situation.
If your feelings don't change with a serious effort of working the steps of recovery... could find hidden feelings of shame, guilt, or lack of forgiveness for self with a good working of the steps. Once the cobwebbs are gone, life may be seen clearer.
If feelings continue... may want to talk with a Dr about depression.
Still though...
We can make a choice to see the joy and fill our lives with that joy or we can have pity parties all the time.

There you go.
You just don't feel it right now.
Nothing wrong with that.
We are none of us happy all the time.
If that's the way you feel, then work through those feelings.
Just don't stay there too long.

Like Gabe said, its ok that it's not there right now, it doesn't have to be.

It also doesn't have to be a major issue either, it could simply be that its just how you feel right now. However, if theres any internal cause and effect stuff going on in you, your the only one who knows it, and your the only one who can work it out. And there are alot of different ways to get help with that.

Sometimes the best we can do is just ride it out, feel it, talk about it, and then it'll pass.

Hang in there-

Dunno about anyone else but one of the reasons I used was so I could seperate my "game face" from my feelings. When I first got clean I remember that my feelings were so damn intense I felt like I was bursting with emotions, and not all of them were the sort of emotions that other people wanted to know about.

The gift of being clean is being able to feel our feelings without any dampers or filters.... the gift of recovery.. working the steps and incorporating spiritual principles in our lives is being able to express our feelings in an appropriate manner without causing harm to ourselves or others.

You have a right to all of your feelings..

Thanks for the post .. helps me see I'm not the only one that struggles with being real versus feigning superficiality for someone elses benefit. Seems maybe that'd be a bit codependant ?

"helps me see I'm not the only one that struggles with being real versus feigning superficiality for someone elses benefit."

Oh, yeah!! Thanks for putting it that way. Fake perky people drive me absolutely crazy, and I'm the last one to put on fake perky for anybody. Either I'm happy or I'm not, and it's my problem anyhow. I'm allowed my feelings as long as I don't take them out on anybody else, thank you very much!! I'm another one of those people who hates to be told to have a nice day, especially when I can tell it's just a b.s. line somebody's just saying because they're breathing out. I did discover a secret though, well, actually two. The first is that I did have this resentment floating around that how come everybody else on the entire planet could drink normally and I couldn't. That became particularly apparent when i realized i was pissy or at least not easily pleasant with grown-ups and totally relaxed and non-resentful of kids (non-drinking age kids). And the second one was that hey, I had the right to my feelings and happiness was included in that even if I wasn't drinking. Had to give myself permission to be happy. Sounds wierd, but then again, I'm pretty wierd!!

..
 

i know how you feel. it's like you kind of just don't care ... not in a mean, "you could die, whatever, it doesn't matter to me" kind of way, just a "i'm living my own life, and you're living your's" kind of way.

i actually think this is a pretty healthy way to be. part of our sickness in the first place is that we get overly-involved in other people's lives, you know? controlling and whatnot.

maybe this isn't what you're talking about ... but maybe it is.

best of luck either way.

I hear you....
 

I never quite feel too comfortable around " happy people". I feel uncomfortable around them sometimes. It makes me feel as if there is something wrong with me. I don't know. :wavey:

Valuable insight you guys. Thank you so much.

Gooch I believe it's the game face for sure. Lived my whole life that way. Perky, joyous, sweet, and kind. Most always that was how I felt, but was taught even if the worse disaster happened to me I was to NEVER show the saddness or pain. Enter "Game Face". Working my program I refuse to LIE to me or anyone else. I just wasn't into the ring thing the other night.

Family is still looking for "Game Face Girl". She won't be coming back. I used to hide my real saddness or anger. I needed the tools to learn, and say "Umm. At this moment I can't be jumping around for joy".

I called my friend yesterday.....told her I am truly thrilled for her, and we made plans for lunch this week. Then I can get to see her diamond, and truly hug her, and be extremely happy for her. No "Game Face".

Lucky I went to a Meeting. My families response to all that actually set me on a mental relapse. I really appreciate all your help.

awesome ! I love the way we can share stuff that works for us and in turn it contributes to the bigger picture.

Grumpy Gooch or Grateful Gooch .. I still get my share of the love. lol

Always. :wink3:

jealous
 

Sometimes I feel annoyed when I'm around happy people. I used to be really disgusted with people who were very spiritual in every aspect of their life. I think for me it's because they have what I want. I want to be happy all the time, who doesn't? But we're human beings and God gave us other emotions besides happiness; he gave us those emotions for a reason. So as yourself and ask your higher power whey you are feeling the way you are. What is the purpose? Once that answer comes, you might start to break free from this "rut."

I can remember around 18 months also feeling that way. I had to find out there were other issues besides not drinking. I hated being around happy people but, for a strange reason. I was afraid I'd be happy also. Might sound strange to some but, it had to do with not feeling I deserved to be happy. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be happy, just didn't think I should due to the things I'd done. Shame did a number on me. This is why on another thread some talk of sabotaging their recovery. Once I started catching that happy thing, I was uncomfortable and lost. If, you identify with this I suggest like others have getting things out. I was sober one time for 5 years. Always kept stuff inside. Sure at steps I'd come out with some stuff to make others happy. There was no way the real bad stuff was going to be exposed. I drank, and I stopped, I drank and I stopped. This time around I've turned myself inside out. Keep going on the 18 months, that is great. Might just be time to add a little more. Don W

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone, and to share.

One of these nice young ladies who have become engaged came by, and honored me by asking me to be in her wedding. It's extra nice because my daughter will also be in it, and she got all excited. I am thrilled, am truly looking forward to making this a special time for my friend.

I took a little piece of what you all offered me. Most of the things rang so true. Shame did have alot to do with it too Don!!! Very perceptive. I put this girl in some bad situations at times, and I feel horrible for it, and she still loves me. I'm so happy to be able to do something for her, and be sure she has a great wedding day. She is a doll baby.

Thanks again everyone. Happy people don't stink!!! :rotate:

And I was going to volunteer to take a bath!!!!

hugs,
live