Lights out...
☆ entity
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Whoville
Posts: 31
Lights out...
I used for 13 years..in and out of The Fellowship for 10 of those 13 years.
My disease is progressive, incurable and fatal...willingness is the key to freedom.
One year and four months ago..I was given a gift. The whole nation lost power..remember..? August 15th 2003. I had been running three days..getting and using..and finding ways and means to get more....The power went out and then night fell..and I....changed. Sitting under a tree across the street from your average everyday crack house..in the dark...I changed. I remember seeing things like they were new...some of the houses on this street were occupied by families..real families trying to live amongst drugs and chaos..
It was hot and people were on there porches with candles..their children
running around on the lawns...it seemed so....normal..and so surreal all at once. I sat there under that tree..an Oak..and talked to my mom on my cell.
There was a curfew because of the power outage..and though my mom played a wonderful enabler..and fantastic Co-dependant for years..she wasn't going to get in her car and come get me...not that night..she said..
" we will talk until the sun rises..and then I'll, for the last time, come get you " We spoke in intervals as not to kill my battery. I remember a wierd sort of "peace" coming over me...I remember not wanting "more".. I watched people take advantage of the dark..ciphering gas...going in and out of the houses..they became shadows and I felt..protected..basked in safe light.
My mom says she gave birth to me again that night. The sun did rise...
The gift I received..Is Desire. I am grateful to finally have an honest desire
for change. I believe no addict can or will stop using without an honest desire. Gotta want it..I thought I never would...didn't know how to want it.
All I had to do was ask...
I give myself to the program today..I have a wonderful sponsor..
and one great sponsee...these relationships being the key to my recovery.
I'm learning that It truly is up to me. Noone is gonna do this for me.
Through my actions some direct some indirect..I create my own reality.
Life is a canvas...paint it.
My disease is progressive, incurable and fatal...willingness is the key to freedom.
One year and four months ago..I was given a gift. The whole nation lost power..remember..? August 15th 2003. I had been running three days..getting and using..and finding ways and means to get more....The power went out and then night fell..and I....changed. Sitting under a tree across the street from your average everyday crack house..in the dark...I changed. I remember seeing things like they were new...some of the houses on this street were occupied by families..real families trying to live amongst drugs and chaos..
It was hot and people were on there porches with candles..their children
running around on the lawns...it seemed so....normal..and so surreal all at once. I sat there under that tree..an Oak..and talked to my mom on my cell.
There was a curfew because of the power outage..and though my mom played a wonderful enabler..and fantastic Co-dependant for years..she wasn't going to get in her car and come get me...not that night..she said..
" we will talk until the sun rises..and then I'll, for the last time, come get you " We spoke in intervals as not to kill my battery. I remember a wierd sort of "peace" coming over me...I remember not wanting "more".. I watched people take advantage of the dark..ciphering gas...going in and out of the houses..they became shadows and I felt..protected..basked in safe light.
My mom says she gave birth to me again that night. The sun did rise...
The gift I received..Is Desire. I am grateful to finally have an honest desire
for change. I believe no addict can or will stop using without an honest desire. Gotta want it..I thought I never would...didn't know how to want it.
All I had to do was ask...
I give myself to the program today..I have a wonderful sponsor..
and one great sponsee...these relationships being the key to my recovery.
I'm learning that It truly is up to me. Noone is gonna do this for me.
Through my actions some direct some indirect..I create my own reality.
Life is a canvas...paint it.
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