Trust Factor

Old 12-13-2004, 07:15 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Big City East Coast
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Trust Factor

Recently we were having a new ceiling put in due to water damage. There were all kinds of workers going in, and out of the house. It took a few days to complete.

On the second morning before the guys showed up my mom was ripping things apart throughout the house. She informed me that a very good ring, and bracelet were missing. She went on about how she knew the guys took it, and on, and on. Well I broke down crying. I had a meltdown. I got frantic, and was screaming you have to find this stuff. Eventually she did and it was in a place she had hid it.

Has anyone else experienced this? Couldn't I just have easily said "Look mom I have not touched that jewelry?" It was as if my reputation was on the line, and I thought well if I hadn't robbed the poor woman of everything she owned in the past then she wouldn't have to hide things where she doesn't recall? She told me she absolutely knew I didn't take anything. That never crossed her mind. Personally if it were me I'd be the first person I'd thought took it. How do we get past the TRUST factor?
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:11 AM
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That's an interesting experience. Reading what you said, I wonder if it's less about the trust issue and more about re-experiencing the bad feelings and loss of control from your days of using/drinking. I had a similar experience recently that really upset me. We had been out late at a Christmas party and I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep when we got home. I finally settled down around 4 am. My husband had to be up at 6:30am for work. I woke up, looked at the clock and it said 9:38. I couldn't believe it, jumped out of bed and ran to check another clock which said the same thing. I ran back to the bedroom ready to tell my husband the alarm hadn't gone off and he was really late and the bed was empty. He had gotten up and left on time and I had not noticed at all. This never happens to me, I'm a super light sleeper, any noise wakes me up and I never oversleep. Well, it really shook me up and I realized it was because it made me feel the way I used to feel when I woke up after drinking feeling so disoriented. It was an awful feeling. Maybe that's what was happening to you. You weren't being accused of anything at all, but the experience brought back the memories of times you'd like to keep in the past. After all, your mother did trust you!

Love, Anna
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Old 12-14-2004, 10:50 AM
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Big City East Coast
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Wow. That is probably what it was Ann. That had to be really weird for you. So upsetting. You are very insightful. Thanks for sharing that also because now I know I'm not alone in my feelings.

I guess it did bring that back because it started going through my mind that "Hey if it was me that took it I'd have also took everything else along with it, and I wouldn't be here right now". That little voice in my head disgusted me. I'm still not sure she totally trusted me. She still sleeps with a money envelope down her girdle. The WORSE part was that my daughter was getting ready for school, and I didn't want her to leave for the day thinking "Here she goes again". It worked out though.

Hopefully you won't experience that again. Plus you were by yourself as your husband had already left. You're doing great though. Thanks again.
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Old 12-14-2004, 01:46 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: redwood city, california
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We get past the "trust factor" by staying sober and being truthful.

In my case it tooks years for my family to become not trustful, and although I have their total support, I am prepared to spend as much time regaining their support. However, I will not be defensive nor hurt when challenged, but simply state the honest to goodness truth. While it will take them some time to believe it, I will, and that is what is sooooo important to me right now.
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