Need clarity and more thoughts on this dilemma
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 18
Need clarity and more thoughts on this dilemma
Just going to put this out there for clarity! I have a dilemma!!!
I got a call from a Brewery yesterday. I’m hired-$20 an hour; twice what I’m making now! But, here’s the dilemma—I broke up with a very verbally abusive alcoholic man a year ago that works in the same building, we dated 3 years; we would be on different shifts, he’s on first, I’m on third. We wouldn’t see each other except on OT when the shifts overlap for four hours. I use to live with him, I broke up with him last August. He asked for a reconciliation. I said no. He evicted me as I was moving out; it was dismissed due to an illegal eviction; I had found another place. Last month his brother died, I felt a moral sense of obligation to extend my condolences. His only response was, “I WILL get a restraining order.” I did not respond! Before I moved out he full-force drenched me with a garden hose as I was packing my things while walking through his yard. I called the police, and filed a report. He has called me the “c” word, crazy bitch, his mental patient, etc. He has thrown beer in my face, turned the electricity off on me (my apartment upstairs), for three days during a hot summer, gone into alcoholic rages, etc. It was a toxic relationship. I so have moved on. He was someone from my childhood, so I kept thinking things would change, 😝 lol in him (his abuse stemmed from his alcoholism).
My dilemma. I would see him at work, but only on OT. He has seniority, so he may not even choose to work it! I’m recently divorced (three years ago). I need a good job to retire. The health insurance is excellent, and age discrimination is abound in seeking a good paying job! I applied for over 100 jobs three years ago, with no results. It’s mostly automated, I’m told at CB; I’m right now working at a job packing labels coming down up to 14 bins, and palletizing up to 500 boxes a night for 12 hour shifts with only 10 minute breaks (one 20 minute break), it’s physically exhausting! I never have a full weekend off; CB is Monday-Friday, eight hours! The shift where I’m working now is extremely toxic! I would make a good living at this Brewery; it would enable me to buy a nice house, and save for retirement. He would absolutely go into a rage!!!! I’m expecting the worse, as he’s a union steward, as well. He’s a narcissist, (and aggressive) so he’s going to think I’m following him!
Any thoughts? Any clarity or observations on this would be welcomed!
I got a call from a Brewery yesterday. I’m hired-$20 an hour; twice what I’m making now! But, here’s the dilemma—I broke up with a very verbally abusive alcoholic man a year ago that works in the same building, we dated 3 years; we would be on different shifts, he’s on first, I’m on third. We wouldn’t see each other except on OT when the shifts overlap for four hours. I use to live with him, I broke up with him last August. He asked for a reconciliation. I said no. He evicted me as I was moving out; it was dismissed due to an illegal eviction; I had found another place. Last month his brother died, I felt a moral sense of obligation to extend my condolences. His only response was, “I WILL get a restraining order.” I did not respond! Before I moved out he full-force drenched me with a garden hose as I was packing my things while walking through his yard. I called the police, and filed a report. He has called me the “c” word, crazy bitch, his mental patient, etc. He has thrown beer in my face, turned the electricity off on me (my apartment upstairs), for three days during a hot summer, gone into alcoholic rages, etc. It was a toxic relationship. I so have moved on. He was someone from my childhood, so I kept thinking things would change, 😝 lol in him (his abuse stemmed from his alcoholism).
My dilemma. I would see him at work, but only on OT. He has seniority, so he may not even choose to work it! I’m recently divorced (three years ago). I need a good job to retire. The health insurance is excellent, and age discrimination is abound in seeking a good paying job! I applied for over 100 jobs three years ago, with no results. It’s mostly automated, I’m told at CB; I’m right now working at a job packing labels coming down up to 14 bins, and palletizing up to 500 boxes a night for 12 hour shifts with only 10 minute breaks (one 20 minute break), it’s physically exhausting! I never have a full weekend off; CB is Monday-Friday, eight hours! The shift where I’m working now is extremely toxic! I would make a good living at this Brewery; it would enable me to buy a nice house, and save for retirement. He would absolutely go into a rage!!!! I’m expecting the worse, as he’s a union steward, as well. He’s a narcissist, (and aggressive) so he’s going to think I’m following him!
Any thoughts? Any clarity or observations on this would be welcomed!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Cali
Posts: 547
I was going to suggest being open with HR as you were hired so that they were aware and can protect you if he should begin retribution, but if he has a position of authority, even if not supervisory, it can make your job just as toxic as the one you have. I would continue looking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 18
Replying
Money
Benefits
Close to my residence
Work is better
401k
I applied thinking it would be okay for the fact that I was qualified for the job, money, benefits, and it is one of few employment opportunities where I live. He works on another shift! I didn’t realize that the shifts would overlap on Overtime, and it is a large brewery! We may rarely see each other. He may be civil; or he may not. Other employees are in a position of authority, as well. He is union steward, but so are other employees on the shift. It could change my life, and if that means some minor ackward moments in passing him (I would take different exits when coming and going), then is it worth it?
Benefits
Close to my residence
Work is better
401k
I applied thinking it would be okay for the fact that I was qualified for the job, money, benefits, and it is one of few employment opportunities where I live. He works on another shift! I didn’t realize that the shifts would overlap on Overtime, and it is a large brewery! We may rarely see each other. He may be civil; or he may not. Other employees are in a position of authority, as well. He is union steward, but so are other employees on the shift. It could change my life, and if that means some minor ackward moments in passing him (I would take different exits when coming and going), then is it worth it?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi Juneberries
you posted in our Stories of Recovery forum so I moved your thread here.
Based on what you've posted here and posted before, I wouldn't touch this job with a barge pole.
The possible negatives outweigh the positives IMO.
Get another job in a place you don't need to run into your ex
D
you posted in our Stories of Recovery forum so I moved your thread here.
Based on what you've posted here and posted before, I wouldn't touch this job with a barge pole.
The possible negatives outweigh the positives IMO.
Get another job in a place you don't need to run into your ex
D
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,853
This is, of course, something you yourself must decide. We cannot tell you what you should do.
That said, if it were me, I don't think I'd take the job if I were afraid he might retaliate in some way. At one point you say there could possibly be some minor awkward moments, where as before you said...
I don't believe the benefits outweigh the downside of having to deal with him. He sounds dangerous.
That said, if it were me, I don't think I'd take the job if I were afraid he might retaliate in some way. At one point you say there could possibly be some minor awkward moments, where as before you said...
He would absolutely go into a rage!!!! I’m expecting the worse, as he’s a union steward, as well. He’s a narcissist, (and aggressive) so he’s going to think I’m following him!
I don't believe the benefits outweigh the downside of having to deal with him. He sounds dangerous.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
What Suki and Dee said. I have a long-ago toxic ex, and no matter how good a job might be, if it meant being in the same building with him, I wouldn't take it. The money's not worth my peace of mind, not to mention my safety. (my ex was violent several times)
I'd keep looking for work. Something better is bound to come along, and you don't need to put up with his crap.
I'd keep looking for work. Something better is bound to come along, and you don't need to put up with his crap.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2020
Posts: 18
Decline
I’m going to decline the job. This man has cost me so much! He has affected my mental health and severely hurt my self esteem by his vile language toward me (****, crazy bitch, attached to a mental patient at my hip, piece of ****, restrained me in rooms when he was intoxicated, went into rages (as the time he thought I hadn’t moved his car from high waters in the street after a thunderstorm), his car was safe in the garage, turned electricity off on me, hosed me with the garden hose, illegal eviction, and now the loss of the best job I will ever have the opportunity to get. He still owes me $3,000, has kept my furniture and new $800 Fuji bike hostage in his storage, and then threatened restraining order. I was so nice to him! I ran all his errands six months before a hip replacement, went to pre-op meetings, nurses him and dressed his bandages after the surgery, cut his grass, did his wash, cooked, took care of his dog, and was always generous with my time. I loved him at one point, only addressed his drinking towards the end of the relationship, and he went into a rage, we broke up. I was a tool to him, but I lost myself in the process of trying to get the relationship to work. I have prayed for him, and I know now that he is a narcissist; I wasted so much time besides! I put up with so much bad treatment for too long!!! This one great opportunity will never be! No job! It’s tanked! Because he could never be civil or take responsibility for his actions and behaviors. The decision rested on him, and he would never have it. Thanks for your comments and thoughts!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,031
I’m sorry about the job, I am sure you’re disappointed, but I think you made the right decision. If this is a chain maybe they have other locations, if not keep looking, the right position is out there. I’m not sure where you live, but Costco seems to be hiring in many locations. I have a friend who works there and I know they have really good benefits. Wishing you lots of luck in your search!
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