olima

Thank you Doug. please don't feel I single you out for answers I am open to any feedback from this forum. I accept I cannot go back and why would I want to?. I had a spiritual awakening as a result of 12step programme, it smash every thought I had about myself, the world and God. I saw that it was me all along and this continues to be so. I go to these coda meetings and try to listern for similarities. I did not give anything and expected everything, I really did'nt know how to do it. Whenever I entered into another relationship I would try to explain that don't know how to love. They would seem to want change this, but soon the penny would drop and they get tired of trying. Who is codependant?
I really do try to abandon complete self to AA 12steps. I love it. I don't know if I love myself but I try to act as if, not all the time but better than I use to.
My Plants seem pretty healthy and I have positive feeling about cats and have been thinking about sharing my home with one. I hope to progress to human being. Metta. Olima

Doug

The old habits we acquired during active addiction, the self loathing and hatred, die hard. Keep practicing, keep trying, and you will start to more and more. Fake it, 'till you make it. It'll come.

It's working on your plants, it'll work for you too.