Dunitall

Hi Everyone

I'm an alcoholic in recovery and I am so grateful for all the support I get here and in my AA meetings.

My g/f and I are also going to couples counselling and between us we are making fantastic progress.

As an alcoholic, I ignored my emotional boundaries and as a consequence didn't respect my g/f's boundaries either. Our couples counsellor has asked us both to prepare a list of our own boundaries. Unfortunately this is very new to me and I haven't made time to read about emotional boundaries.

I have found that my list is more like value statements. e.g. " I will do this" or "I won't do that".

Does anyone have any advice on setting boundaries for myself?

Any advice would be greatly welcomed.

Thanks.

Rich

Don S

One thing to consider is making your list without absolute words or limits, so they don't become demands. That means avoiding words such as should, shouldn't, must, won't, will, always, never, and so on. When you frame the boundaries in terms of preferences, you leave room for compromise and minimize the conflict resulting from demands.

Some examples of 'exchange' words for absolute terms:

Instead of thinking: / Try thinking:
Must / Prefer
Should / Choose To
Have To / Want
Can't / Choose Not To
Ought / Had Better
All / Many
Always / Often
Can't Stand / Don't Like
Awful / Highly Undesirable
Bad Person / Bad Behavior
I am a Failure / I Failed At

Here's the link that's taken from:
http://www.skysite.org/think.html

There's also an article there on boundaries.

Take care,
Don S