LadyBlue0527

I'm finding out that the sober me has differences from the old me. It's like meeting a new person, kinda really liking this

What brought this on is I was just looking at clothes on a website. To begin with, I do not "shop" for clothes. I buy what I need and get new when I have to. I just don't have the female gene when it comes to shopping. I was surprised at the style of clothes that caught my eye. Much more relaxed, comfortable, laid back. The old me, when buying, bought what I thought would be noticed in a bar. I guess I'm growing up.

Next, I thought I was a social butterfly. So very wrong. My favorite things to do now are a quiet walk or just being with my warm blanket on the couch binging my latest Netflix show (currently Longmire). Cooking a great meal. Also knitting, I picked it back up as something to do to keep me busy. It's been years so I'm just straight knitting. It's getting long and people ask what it is I'm making and to tell you the truth, I had no idea but I realize now what it is. My sobriety scarf

All of this above is a person I don't know but I am loving it.

What differences have you found in the sober you that you are pleasantly surprised by?

dox

I'm not surprised any more.
But, I was pleasantly surprised that I enjoy helping or doing things for others . . .
Even when those things that I do are not acknowledged or even noticed.

The old me would always look for what's in it for me . . .
even if that was just being thought of as a good person.

It's much easier to simply BE a good person.

It started with the Just For Today card.

Ooona

I love your sobriety scarf idea!! Thats going to be awesome to wear!

Ive noticed not a 'new' me, but the 'old' me starting to come forward! Whats I mean is that Im starting to see all of the things I used to love but had neglected coming forth now. I love cooking, baking, gardening, remodeling projects and etc but had so much lethargy when drinking. I would juet be in a state of inertia so much of the time, sitting outside, smoking and drinking and looking at the weeds AGAIN thinking, I MUST get those weeds pulled and then....on to another smoke and glass of wine!
Im happy to say I have finally tackled the neglected flower beds, enjoy seeking out yummy and new recipes, cooking/baking and taking care of my husband.
Im coming back to the person I always was and I like her and enjoy her so much. Its like a welcome home feeling. Love it!

Sober'sBest

LB, please share with the cravers what causes your serenity.

Is it because you've truly decided I DON'T NEED poison booze?

Have you unlearned that crazy old false belief?

Have you recovered what you forgot?

Please share. . .

.

.

LadyBlue0527

Great responses!

Sober's Best, I'm not completely new to sobriety, I have almost 6 months now but I previously had 17 months and gave it up. I understand why now.

Here's what causes my serenity. Until this time through, although I said that I had accepted I have no right to be drinking I don't think I really believed it. I still think there was a piece of me that entertained the idea of there being a possibility sometime in the future that I'd drink. There had to be, because I let it happen. Don't get me wrong, that 'forever" word is scary and sometimes I have to remind myself that I don't have to say that word. All I have to focus on is today, this very moment, and the goodness of it because I'm sober.

This though, this is the true key for me. My daughter will be 5 years sober from opiates in January. When I quit in May of 2013 she was my greatest source of strength. We attended meetings together. We talked every day. This went on for quite some time. Then, when I felt I had a stronger foothold that kind of dwindled (bad idea by the way). She felt secure that I was doing ok too. Then, in October of 2014 I picked back up. I never let her know this. One of the hardest things to do in May of this year when I returned was to tell her that I had been drinking. Then, I asked her a question. I said "How do you do it? How have you gone this long without opiates and never turned back?" What she said to me stuck and it has been with me every day for the past almost 6 months and it will follow me until my dying day. She said:

"Using is not an option"

That's it, point blank. I accepted that mindset and stopped the planning. Stopped the lying to myself. If I felt anxious or craving I would remind myself, out loud, that there is no excuse to drink. This forced me to have to deal with whatever presented itself to me in alternate ways.

Finally, take a look at my signature line. That's my rendition of my daughter's words to me. They will remain forever true.

Somehow, your brain knows when you've fully accepted sobriety. It plays with you less and with each passing day the peace increases.

There will never be an excuse to drink, point blank. That's how I succeeded. Anyone can do this. Anyone. You just have to want it.

Sober'sBest

So you've found:

TRULY DECIDING STOPS CRAVING.

And we truly decide for different reasons.

All because THATS MORE PLEASURABLE.


Wow . . . free and clear . . . let the fun begin! . . . truly

.

.

LadyBlue0527

Yes, in a sense. I've said before that the beginning of sobriety is like being a child who wants something really badly that the parents say no to. We beg, we plead, we try to make deals, we promise them everything under the sun hoping that we can change their minds. It doesn't always happen so what do we do then? We storm to our bedrooms angry, we slam the door and hide our faces in the pillow and scream and cry. If even younger we may not do that, we may just drop to the floor right there kicking and screaming regardless of who is in view of what's happening.

Then.............there comes a point where we recognize that no amount of kicking or screaming, pleading, begging, and making deals will work. No is no, end of story. We whimper, we are defeated. Then, we get over it.

Sounds almost a little bit like overcoming a craving doesn't it?

In sobriety you have to be both the parent and the child. Sometimes that's hard but it can be done.

Sober'sBest

Isn't the definition of SOBRIETY:

. . . . . FREE AND CLEAR !

FREE OF CRAVINGS BY CLEARLY DECIDING !




.

Centered3

I can relate.
I've also gotten much more laid back with my clothing choices, vs dressing to make a certain impression.

I've also become less extroverted and am fine staying home and watching tv or reading a book vs always having to go out.

I also care a lot less what other people think of me.

Yogini1603

This is so interesting to read how people are finding the sober versions of themselves!

I'm 28 and my drinking has been an issue for years and I feel like I missed out on a lot of emotional maturity stuff in my early 20s. I partied a lot, but other things like staying in a steady job and saving up for stuff has never been something for me until now.

First thing that's different is my anxiety. I'm a nervous person but my gosh, since I stopped drinking one part of anxiety (health concerns) has gone right down. I feel better physically and it's helping me mentally. I drank alone and hid my drinking habits so I'm in a position where I'm actually *more* sociable. I'm still a homebody but I actually text friends, I come on this website, I see people at the weekends, I have activities planned...it's completely different.

My style is even more awesome, haha. I'm what I would call a somewhat eccentric goth and have always been confident in standing out with my style but the body confidence that has come with sobriety means that I'm wearing clothes that are actually my size for the first time in a while rather than wearing big baggy layers. I lost weight during my drinking years and that made me feel self-conscious. The confidence is brilliant.

BrendaChenowyth

Why are you me in a different body right now????

This is what I have been experiencing, albeit with some moments of uncertainty.
I'm finding out that I'm a person that enjoys life, likes pretty things, likes to talk and share, doesn't like to be alone so much, has dreams, likes taking care of business, and isn't *actually* as fearful of everything as she once thought. And most importantly I am a person I now like.

Cool...

Acheleus

I'm 16 months sober and I feel like I woke up in someone else's life. When I was around 70 days sober I began dating a woman who dressed me. She took me to the clothing store and made me try on these clothes.

She must have felt sorry for me and wanted to help, but damn...I look at that now and I would not even TALK to a woman with 70 days sober knowing what I know now about quitting drinking, sobriety, and the personality changes that come with clarity of mind.

I'm finding that I prefer to be alone now and I'm 31 but surprised how immature a lot of people my age are and I feel a little out of place.

Thanks for your post.

Wholesome

I just love this post LB! Acceptance is something I have really struggled with myself and it is key in my opinion to being sober and being happy about it instead of fighting against the addiction to keep trying to get it right.....to just say Ok I'm stepping off the ride and walking a whole new path. Over time and many experiments I have come to an acceptance that a sober life can be so rich and real and calm no matter the ups and downs. And that struggling against the addiction is where the inner turmoil is created. There is peace in surrendering. If that makes any sense.

Whendovescry

What a great thread! You have just described me now, sitting on my patio. Hoping to change that. I like that you said you found parts of the old you you missed.

August252015

I love me. Wholeheartedly. I think about how wretched I felt inside when I was drinking- there was a good person there, being killed- and am grateful to be who I am now.

Dee74

great thread. Bump

least

I like myself a lot better now that I'm sober. I'm more even tempered and calm. More rational. I'm a better person all around and tend to wake up happy most mornings.

Mags1

Great post LadyBlue.

I find I'm similar to Least, much calmer nowadays. Don't get in tempers, very rational.

In the whole, I'm me but a much better person. I like me now.

SteveAlex

Im only 3 weeks in this time around but I find myself helping others a lot more and getting out of my selfishness that I would normally have. Its amazing how we change from quitting the booze.

2ndhandrose

Cool that this thread was bumped today!

As I came home from running some errands, I thought to myself "I may not be perfect about it but I am so much calmer, kinder and more patient as I interact with the world."

This is 100% due to not drinking.