ego
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: hb, ca
Posts: 80
ego
does anyone struggle w ego issues?
i think i've always had a sizable ego but usually at least hid it well. the last couple yrs it has come out from hiding and it's embarrassing. how do you stop being an egomaniac?
i think i've always had a sizable ego but usually at least hid it well. the last couple yrs it has come out from hiding and it's embarrassing. how do you stop being an egomaniac?
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
The idea of accepting what is helped me greatly. However, I see my ego as my motivation to refuse to accept a life of addiction and misery, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe it's the Serenity Prayer?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
i just yesterday read an interesting take on ego, from a very commited 12-step author: that our egos need to be strong in order to have boundaries and things like motivation.
that they don't need to be "smashed" but need to be re-directed, from selfish concerns (and things such as arrogance, manipulation, blahblahblah) to an other-focused direction.
made lots of sense to me.
that they don't need to be "smashed" but need to be re-directed, from selfish concerns (and things such as arrogance, manipulation, blahblahblah) to an other-focused direction.
made lots of sense to me.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
I don't struggle with ego anymore since I stopped the negative self talk. Then my ego was a defense mechanism against all the horrible things I said to myself. Now it is more confidence in myself and ability to do something. The big difference I notice is when I am in good ego mode I don't get angry when challenged. If I feel defensiveness coming on then I know I my ego is off again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: California
Posts: 5
I think you can get easily control your ego By acknowledging the fact that you have a lot to learn, yet, by accepting humility as a way of life, by being a patient listener, by trying to empathize.
In other words -
Try gaining knowledge from any source - be it books, films, humans,child, animal ,anyone. Knowledge of emotion, spiritual,observational,habitual ,knowledge of every kind. When you try doing this you will see the beauty in small things, the importance of small things and your ego will be non existent without doing anything consciously to curb it.
You will be at peace with life.
In other words -
Try gaining knowledge from any source - be it books, films, humans,child, animal ,anyone. Knowledge of emotion, spiritual,observational,habitual ,knowledge of every kind. When you try doing this you will see the beauty in small things, the importance of small things and your ego will be non existent without doing anything consciously to curb it.
You will be at peace with life.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
The steps.
My sponsor told me early on that we tend to be egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. - For me, ego and a sense of low self worth and low self esteem tend to hold hands.
As others have alluded to, developing a sense of humility goes a long way towards both deflating the huge ego and boosting our poor self esteem. I was clued in to the fact that humility meant without pretense or without a facade. Getting a sense of who I am, assets and flaws and all the other stuff helps me with humility. Figuring out how important I actually am in the grand scheme of things is something that also helps. In some arenas I'm fairly important, in others, not so much.
The steps and the guidance of an experienced sponsor and some other close friends in NA have helped and continue to help me in becoming "right sized". - I'm not awesome at it, but then again, this all takes time. - What has become manifest to me is that the reasons I used were much deeper and more convoluted than I originally understood them to be.
My sponsor told me early on that we tend to be egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. - For me, ego and a sense of low self worth and low self esteem tend to hold hands.
As others have alluded to, developing a sense of humility goes a long way towards both deflating the huge ego and boosting our poor self esteem. I was clued in to the fact that humility meant without pretense or without a facade. Getting a sense of who I am, assets and flaws and all the other stuff helps me with humility. Figuring out how important I actually am in the grand scheme of things is something that also helps. In some arenas I'm fairly important, in others, not so much.
The steps and the guidance of an experienced sponsor and some other close friends in NA have helped and continue to help me in becoming "right sized". - I'm not awesome at it, but then again, this all takes time. - What has become manifest to me is that the reasons I used were much deeper and more convoluted than I originally understood them to be.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,998
Originally Posted by IvanMike 
The steps.
My sponsor told me early on that we tend to be egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. - For me, ego and a sense of low self worth and low self esteem tend to hold hands.
As others have alluded to, developing a sense of humility goes a long way towards both deflating the huge ego and boosting our poor self esteem. I was clued in to the fact that humility meant without pretense or without a facade. Getting a sense of who I am, assets and flaws and all the other stuff helps me with humility. Figuring out how important I actually am in the grand scheme of things is something that also helps. In some arenas I'm fairly important, in others, not so much.
The steps and the guidance of an experienced sponsor and some other close friends in NA have helped and continue to help me in becoming "right sized". - I'm not awesome at it, but then again, this all takes time. - What has become manifest to me is that the reasons I used were much deeper and more convoluted than I originally understood them to be.
My sponsor told me early on that we tend to be egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. - For me, ego and a sense of low self worth and low self esteem tend to hold hands.
As others have alluded to, developing a sense of humility goes a long way towards both deflating the huge ego and boosting our poor self esteem. I was clued in to the fact that humility meant without pretense or without a facade. Getting a sense of who I am, assets and flaws and all the other stuff helps me with humility. Figuring out how important I actually am in the grand scheme of things is something that also helps. In some arenas I'm fairly important, in others, not so much.
The steps and the guidance of an experienced sponsor and some other close friends in NA have helped and continue to help me in becoming "right sized". - I'm not awesome at it, but then again, this all takes time. - What has become manifest to me is that the reasons I used were much deeper and more convoluted than I originally understood them to be.
paradox
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 665
There was no way that I could let the hot air out my overinflated ego until I accepted the existence of a Higher Power.
I am grateful for the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous for teaching me this.
The twelve steps were, and are, a pathway to a God of my understanding.
Now I pray for humility every morning -- on my knees.
If nothing else this is a reminder to practice opposites.
Humility conquers false pride (overinflated ego).
That's my understanding.
I am grateful for the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous for teaching me this.
The twelve steps were, and are, a pathway to a God of my understanding.
Now I pray for humility every morning -- on my knees.
If nothing else this is a reminder to practice opposites.
Humility conquers false pride (overinflated ego).
That's my understanding.
waking down
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
There are various ways to explore this question, but first, yes, I've struggled with ego in the sense of ego as arrogance. I see this as symptomatic of a deeper view of ego. Through meditation, though, I've begun to realize that my arrogance was a form of clinging or desire. That is, clinging to a delusional sense of self and attempting to inflate and embolden that delusion. As I observe the workings of my mind I notice that the self is not a solid, constant object. Thoughts arise, they pass, some circle and arise again, others seem lost...and I have only limited control over these thoughts; they seem to appear out of nowhere, through nothing, and back into the mystery. In those brief moments when thought subsides and the language of my internal monologue disappears there is nothing. While my body is more space than matter, my ego is only space and no matter. In essence, I am nothing. I had to be extraordinarily humbled before I could embrace nothingness. I could no longer cling to the idea that I am important, much less better than anyone else. For me, it required almost dying, and even wanting to die, before I could become more comfortable with humility and with the fact that ultimately I am nothing and no one. It is both deeply sad and joyful. Hopeless yet liberating. By recognizing I am inconsequential, I am free to devote myself to helping others with their pain. Pain, which, by the way, is caused by clinging to the ego; to a delusional sense of self.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: hb, ca
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by zerothehero
There are various ways to explore this question, but first, yes, I've struggled with ego in the sense of ego as arrogance. I see this as symptomatic of a deeper view of ego. Through meditation, though, I've begun to realize that my arrogance was a form of clinging or desire. That is, clinging to a delusional sense of self and attempting to inflate and embolden that delusion. As I observe the workings of my mind I notice that the self is not a solid, constant object. Thoughts arise, they pass, some circle and arise again, others seem lost...and I have only limited control over these thoughts; they seem to appear out of nowhere, through nothing, and back into the mystery. In those brief moments when thought subsides and the language of my internal monologue disappears there is nothing. While my body is more space than matter, my ego is only space and no matter. In essence, I am nothing. I had to be extraordinarily humbled before I could embrace nothingness. I could no longer cling to the idea that I am important, much less better than anyone else. For me, it required almost dying, and even wanting to die, before I could become more comfortable with humility and with the fact that ultimately I am nothing and no one. It is both deeply sad and joyful. Hopeless yet liberating. By recognizing I am inconsequential, I am free to devote myself to helping others with their pain. Pain, which, by the way, is caused by clinging to the ego; to a delusional sense of self.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 58
I don't think there is such a thing as "ego issues".
But it is possible to spend (a lot of) time with people whom one doesn't actually like and who don't actually like one; people whom one would rather not be with but for some reason stays with them, and vice versa.
In such situations, "ego" pops up, in an effort to create distance (at least psychological distance, if physical distance isn't possible).
So choosing the right company, and making (new) sense of bad company does away with "ego issues", in my experience.
But it is possible to spend (a lot of) time with people whom one doesn't actually like and who don't actually like one; people whom one would rather not be with but for some reason stays with them, and vice versa.
In such situations, "ego" pops up, in an effort to create distance (at least psychological distance, if physical distance isn't possible).
So choosing the right company, and making (new) sense of bad company does away with "ego issues", in my experience.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Personally ...
Personally speaking I found, like many I suspect, as a 'high functioning alcoholic' and losing everything twice and I do mean EVERYTHING! After which I had to learn to change my perspective, sometimes just to survive, eliminated any issues I had with my own and others when I began to see the world as it really is and not as a delusional alcoholic, what I would wish it to be..
Filled with people, myself included who live in an imagined, self serving, patronising, superiority which has nothing to do with reality ...
Change your perspective, change your life and get rid of your ego ...
' Would you gave a great empire? Rule over yourself' PUBLIUS SYRIUS
Filled with people, myself included who live in an imagined, self serving, patronising, superiority which has nothing to do with reality ...
Change your perspective, change your life and get rid of your ego ...
' Would you gave a great empire? Rule over yourself' PUBLIUS SYRIUS
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 158
Characteristics of the Human Ego
"The ego is a false sense of self based on mental concepts. It is identification with the body and mind-identification with form, which primarily means thought forms."
-Eckhart Tolle
Examples of Egoic Patterns:
-Blaming, Judging, Accusing, Gossiping, Complaining.
-Identifying with mental positions, needing to be right, needing to have "enemies", applying negative mental labels to people.
-Demanding recognition for something you did and getting angry or upset if you don't get it.
-Trying to get attention by talking about your problems, the story of your illness or making a scene.
-Giving your opinion when nobody has asked for it and it makes no difference to the situation.
-Being more concerned with how the other person sees you than the other person, which is to say, using other people for egoic reflection or as ego enhancers.
-Trying to make an impression on others through possessions, knowledge, skills, abilities good looks, status, physical strength and so on.
-Bringing about temporary ego inflation through angry reaction against something or someone.
-Taking things personally being offended.
-Making yourself right and others wrong through futile mental or verbal complaining.
-Wanting to be seen or appear important.
"The ego is a false sense of self based on mental concepts. It is identification with the body and mind-identification with form, which primarily means thought forms."
-Eckhart Tolle
Examples of Egoic Patterns:
-Blaming, Judging, Accusing, Gossiping, Complaining.
-Identifying with mental positions, needing to be right, needing to have "enemies", applying negative mental labels to people.
-Demanding recognition for something you did and getting angry or upset if you don't get it.
-Trying to get attention by talking about your problems, the story of your illness or making a scene.
-Giving your opinion when nobody has asked for it and it makes no difference to the situation.
-Being more concerned with how the other person sees you than the other person, which is to say, using other people for egoic reflection or as ego enhancers.
-Trying to make an impression on others through possessions, knowledge, skills, abilities good looks, status, physical strength and so on.
-Bringing about temporary ego inflation through angry reaction against something or someone.
-Taking things personally being offended.
-Making yourself right and others wrong through futile mental or verbal complaining.
-Wanting to be seen or appear important.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Socrates...
I always think that this by Socrates, seen by some as the Father of Philosophy is a way of detaching from ego,
'True knowledge exists in knowing you know nothing.
I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.
I know I'm intelligent because I know I know nothing.'
It certainly provides an antidote to all those, and there are many, who know all the answers and none of the questions ... so think on!
'True knowledge exists in knowing you know nothing.
I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think.
I know I'm intelligent because I know I know nothing.'
It certainly provides an antidote to all those, and there are many, who know all the answers and none of the questions ... so think on!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 95
I have offered guitar lessons to people in my community for free. If they insist on paying for the lesson, I tell them to donate it to charity. lol
When somebody brings up a confrontational issue and I disagree with it, I do not go into lawyer mode and try to squash their point of view. I listen to them, trying not to judge them but to understand why they might feel the way they do. It's a new thing for me, for sure. lol
I am trying to avoid using labels to describe people, whether I'm discussing characters in a book or describing somebody in real life.
I have begun keeping a daily journal where I admit to something I learned as well as a mistake I made during the day.
Things are better for me because I can feel a difference when interacting with people. I hope things continue to improve. )
When somebody brings up a confrontational issue and I disagree with it, I do not go into lawyer mode and try to squash their point of view. I listen to them, trying not to judge them but to understand why they might feel the way they do. It's a new thing for me, for sure. lol
I am trying to avoid using labels to describe people, whether I'm discussing characters in a book or describing somebody in real life.
I have begun keeping a daily journal where I admit to something I learned as well as a mistake I made during the day.
Things are better for me because I can feel a difference when interacting with people. I hope things continue to improve. )
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