Rmz250

Can't sit through another meeting and listen to the same jokes, same one liners. I've been lead to believe that meetings and the program are the only way to recover. The thing is I'm not ok even at 15 months. I think about drinking all the time, I don't know how to live sober, I'm sad all the time and I'm isolated because I don't want to be around people who are drinking. Other than meetings I only now people who drink. I'm confused and I'm lost. In a way I want to be a part of a fellowship but I can't just abandon common sense and believe in what the future fellowship says about addiction, to mean it's a bunch of rubbish. (Apologies if this offends anyone but I need to express how I feel). I feel like I'm losing my mind.

48heath

Sorry you feel like this.

Meetings are only a tiny part of AA.It is the 12 step programme that changed me.

Have you got a sponsor,one with a good length of continuous sobriety(at least 5years) and who has worked through the steps with a sponsor themselves?

A visit to your GP would be a good idea.

Wishing you well.

Mountainmanbob

Many people that I know have sobered up and stay sober with the help of the church.
This may be another option for some willing ones?
Mountainmanbob

eyeshake

I think it's important that you acknowledge the fact that you're working towards recovery by attending meetings. I've bounced in and out of AA for years for the same reasons you listed above. I go to countless meetings, and there are still things that **** me off to no end: people apologizing for being late; people who were kicked out of halfway houses begging for money; older, uneducated Big Book thumpers banging on and on about their day and faking it until they make it. There have been times when I've wanted to jump up and strangle some pompous old-timer telling someone struggling to get a day sober that prayer is the only cure for addiction.

But there is a lot of good to be had in the meetings. I'm amazed that I, a misanthropic loner, have anything in common with someone else. I can hear my story being told by people of all ages, faiths or lack thereof, and genders. And there are plenty of folks at meetings who have the same reservations about AA that I have.

If the god thing bothers you like it does me, ignore it, or try to see it as a symbol of recovery. If some old-timer is giving you s--t, walk away from them. The world is full of a-holes, and AA is no different.

Sounds trite, but focus on what you can learn about yourself by identifying your story in others. If AA isn't working, try something else. AA is not the end all and be all of recovery. There are plenty of other ways to get sober that I'm sure are perfect for the right kind of person.

least

I got a lot of help from my addiction counselor. Might that be an option for you?

Rmz250

Thanks for the feedback. I do sometimes get something out of meetings and going is a sign that I want recovery. I just feel the big book is so outdated. I want to find my own way in recovery but I need support. The 12 step rehab I went to instilled fear in me that I would relapse if I didn't go to meetings or get a sponsor and work the steps. That stuck with me. I have a resentment about it. It reminds me of religion and I feel as though I'm being controlled by fear. Maybe it's all in my head.

I am considering a recovery Councilor

silentrun

Check out AA Agnostica. I am not an AAer but have gotten a lot out of that site. You do probably need some social support.

Rmz250

Thanks, I'll check it out

IvanMike

Have you ever read the NA basic text? If you are like me you may find that it speaks to you more than the big book does. I'll never say anything bad about AA, but I find that I relate more to the NA literature, and that has nothing to do with drugs other than alcohol. (Full disclosure - I go to NA). Not trying to convince you to switch fellowships, but you may find that the NA literature works better for you.

In the end, this is a 12 step program, not a going to meetings program. Having a sponsor help you to develop an understanding and practical application of the steps makes all of the difference in my experience. I didn't seek recovery to stop using/drinking - that sounded like a terrible idea because my only cure for handling life was getting loaded. I realized that I just couldn't do it anymore. I started with a hope that the program could help me, and I made a decision to do everything that they said, even when i didn't want to. That was step 1-2-3 for me in the beginning, and it's not too far from that now. I'm an atheist and I'm still able practice all 12 steps.

Congrats on the 15 months. A dear friend of mine wanted to use for at least the first year of recovery. - She still has 17 more days clean than I do.

bradly22

Hello Rmz,

You do not have to attend meetings or even participate in anything 12 step related. There are many other alternatives out there if you feel that stepism is not the correct path for you. You might even be able to find another path with a simple google search. Please know that 12 step is not the only way. It helps some people, but can be damaging to others. Hope you find the best path for you.

sugarbear1

I get to few meetings, but those 12 steps saved and changed my life. I no longer think about drinking/using today and I have a positive outlook on things. Why not try working the steps and see if there is a change in you?

Powerless1957

I do empathize,
often i felt like tearing my hair out if yet another person in the room declared praying and surrendering to God was the only solution!
The 12 steps and AA is and always has been a religion no matter how many times they try to convince you it´s spiritual. There are so many other evidence based ways to initially recover and then go on to lead quite a normal life... the meetings for me were expressly religious and we were never allowed anything other than authorised literature which was extremely controlling being that there have been unbelievable advances in treatment over the past decades.. The action i took in seeing a CBT changed my life completely and i could then perceive the higher power God thing as an absolute distraction in recovery...

sg1970

I don't know how you've made it 15 months if you are still thinking about drinking all the time. AA worked well for me but it was the steps that helped. Just going to meetings wouldn't cut it. Have you looked at other programs like smart or rational recovery?

tomsteve

ive heard it often but i just dont know how big book is outdated.

"Maybe it's all in my head. "

i strongly encourage you to think about that.
i worked with a sponsee once who said after a meeting we both attended he was sick and tired of everyone telling him if he didnt work the steps or go to meetings hed get drunk.
thats what he heard.
what really happened was people talked about themselves. didnt aim anything at my sponsee.

just like myself in early recovery, when i heard someone sharing something that hit home, i thought they were talking about me.
they werent.
but it was true for me.

i just hope ya find some waymto enjoy recovery.

have you done any stepwork of the aa program?

Jackedjohn

I could have authored this post myself a year and a half ago. I completely understand what you are going through. The one liners... and the fact that a lot of them contradict each other... the awful jokes that someone said in 1940 that have been recycled and reused until today. I get it. Not all meetings are good meetings. I rarely go to meetings for that reason, but like you have have the occasional desire to connect and listen to other alcoholics/addicts so I will show up. It also should really be against the law for anyone to say that there is only ONE way to do sobriety... because that puts a lot of people in danger who are too vulnerable and actually believe that. There are other types of meetings you can try. There are other activities you can try. There are so many tools you can use... you just have to figure out which ones work for you. I found hiking (more specifically near mountains or rivers) to be euphoric and mood elevating like nothing else I have tried. Almost all of my suggestions will be outdoors stuff... kayaking, dog park with my dogs... ect. Something about it I couldn't enjoy when I was drinking and using drugs, but now is my go-to. I know people who took up painting, writing, music instrument. It is all meditative especially if you are into it, but give some new stuff a chance. I guess I'm saying that you can say no to what doesn't work for you (and don't let anyone tell you that there is only one way), but don't say no to everything because then you won't find anything works. Get out there and try new things. You obviously need to occupy your mind with things other than drinking. I hope this helps a little.

Mountainmanbob

8 years sober and I hit a meeting this morning.
Been going through some spiritual battles lately with some people pushing my buttons.
The meeting helped me very much with getting my thinking straight.
Maybe not for everyone
but, has helped me a great deal.
Mountainman

advbike

I didn't enjoy meetings much until I moved here to the Philippines. I was sober over two years and constantly pissed off, irritable, restless.. went to an English speaking meeting here with guys from all over the world. It's amazing.. so much power in the group.. I'm now working the steps with a sponsor.. and it's really helping me live with myself sober..

Fly N Buy

In the program and hopefully in the rooms, I get exposed to concepts like willingness, open-mindedness, honesty - I hear and read about a code encouraging love and tolerance of others. Somewhere along the line I learn of humility and witness examples.

Crazy stuff..............

It would be a product of false pride to claim that A.A. is a cure-all, even for alcoholism.
AS BILL SEES IT, p. 285

Time2Rise

There are alternatives to the spiritual 12-Steps. SMART, SOS and Lifering are three that come to mind. It is your sobriety, find a path that works for you.

Ken33xx

Have you been able to attend a variety of meetings?

Maybe find a meeting or two where you can share honestly about what you`re feeling.

Personally, I get little out of meetings where members toss about platitudes and/or parrot the BB. I prefer to hear what`s really going on.