CAPPA

need some advice on my situation, I am 43 days sober attending aa meetings daily wife has filed for divorce on july 29, 2004. my forth time quiting, She is clinically depressed, and co-dependent since before our marriage of five years, Legally I am going against my lawyers advice by staying in the home with her and my children; because she has an injunction that is going to be heard by the court on October 8, 2004 regarding, her having: sole material rights to our house ie: she can kick me out for any reason, and authority over vistiation with our children. The crazy thing is she is acting like nothing is going on, she says she is not going to leave me, and she filed divorce to get my attention, well she has it now. The longer I am sober now, the sicker she is getting. I have always known this, that was my excuse for drinking, now that I am clean I see her depression clearly. I have explained that it will not be a good enviornment to work on fixing our marriage with the injunction in place, my lawyer agree's. My heart has not steered me wrong so far but when i spend to much time between my ears i get fearful. Please pray for me

Paulie

I think you answered your own question right there. Follow your heart, for me, my mind is a terrible neighborhood that I should NEVER go in alone.

David 1

Hard to say CAPPA. Except this is a stressful time for everyone and it is critial for you to focus on your recovery. You are at the point in your sobriety where things should be more lucid and decision making is clearer.

Just make you have a very good Attorney! I know your kids are important to you, so I would make every effort to remain in the house. I am surprised that your Attorney is advising you to leave the house!

Again, it is hard to give advice without knowing more, but I will pray for you. And know that you can make sound decisions at this point in your recovery.

Dave

David 1

Hard to say CAPPA. Except this is a stressful time for everyone and it is critical for you to focus on your recovery. You are at the point in your sobriety where things should be more lucid and decision making is clearer.

Just make sure you have a very good Attorney! I know your kids are important to you, so I would make every effort to remain in the house. I am surprised that your Attorney is advising you to leave the house!

Again, it is hard to give advice without knowing more, but I will pray for you. And know that you can make sound decisions at this point in your recovery.

Dave

Tom M

Hi CAPPA,
I have experienced what you are going thru several years ago with my ex-wife.
I would strongly suggest you leave the house A.S.A.P. because of the injunction She has against you. Hopefully you have family or friends that you can stay with.
Let your lawyers take care of the rest, in the meantime stay focused on your recovery.
I wish I had found AA at the time of my divorce, things could have been so much better in my life.
The important thing for you is to concentrate on your own recovery and hopefully things will fall in place for you.

CAPPA

the lord has been bessing me throughout this journey, this last sunday was my wife's 31 birthday I had the list of items she wanted, got them all friday early, and in an orderly manner nothing extra. See, when I was drinkning and drugging i would first forget her birthday, and then lose the list i made resluting in purchasing gifts she didn't want you all know the rest. That did not happen, we went to church me, and my in laws who were shocked with my recovery thus far "have not seen me in 40 day". My mother-in-law comment during the birthday party how "good" i was doing my wife you could tell was pissed. I know now through a conversation with my mother-in-law that in july they supported the divorce, however that has changed now they have been working with there daughter my wife to get the injunction and divorce dropped it is working. Last night my wife said she would be letting her lawyer know she no longer needs his services we still have lots of work to do marriage couseling is next, of couse my alcoholic mind wanted to say call him today, and them I wanted to ride with her to his office and watch her sign the papers to stop this injunction. She is going through the phase of accepting that i have changed to the CAPPA she married 5 years ago, almost like we are courting each other again, we laid on the couch and watch a movie I was happy with silence, I did not ask her what was wrong one time. Some times we must take calculated risks I did such with the support of my AA sponser my, Church group, and my heart, not my head, much work to be done still.

David 1

Great job CAPPA - I have been there, buddy!! Keep working hard on your recovery - it does spill over to every other part of your life in a positive way!

Keep focused and know that there is a lot of hard work ahead for you and your family, and get ready for the downturns as well. Remember, marriages, just like life are made up of good times and trying times.

At least without alcohol you have a great chance!!

Take care,

Dave

CAPPA

My wife and i talked again last night, after we got the girls ready for bed, we are openly talking about the situation: her lawyer bill, how we are going to pat that off, and what she was thinking when she walked into his office in july. It's funny I thought she wanted to leave me, that was not even the case she wanted a legal seperation while she attempted to get me clean and sober again. Her lawyer told her that the children needed protection from me if I went down the tubes. Her laywer had a part in bringing me back to sanity: he convienced her to do what a co-dependent, and enabling wife could not. Save her husband, and father of her children, see without his guidence It would have been easier for her to avoid the truth i am alcoholic, when I say the divorce papers, and when I wrecked to scooter with my daughter they both were wake-up calls to me "that flash of light" that I was powerless to this disease called alcoholism. Please remember no matter how down and out you may be how much legal trouble you may be in, or think your in: GO TO AA IT WORKS, even if you don't beleive what is being said. It is said in the Promise's some gifts will be given fast others will take time that is so true. I read pages 86,87,88,89 daily in the AA big book and my daily reflection, remember we are not in control, that is what alcohol "we thought" did, gave us control of our lifes "GOD" is in control, take care everyone gotta pick my girls up from school I walk in there with my head high now nothing to hide anymore.