The moment of change...

Old 08-12-2015, 10:05 AM
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Redmayne
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The moment of change...

For me, as a 'real alcoholic' - see Chapter 3,'More About Alcoholism' in the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous' for further clarification.

The moment, as unwilling as I was, remembering that alcoholism is the only illness that'll tell you, you haven't got it, whilst at the same time killing you!

That I recognised and accepted that I suffered from, what is effectively, a two-fold illness/disease comprising of a physical allergy and a mental obsession called alcoholism. The only respite from which is absolute abstinence.

My life began to change for the better, until then I'd been in denial, using that and all that came with it, easily explained as the ISM's, of the word alcoholism. Worth noting that the alcohol part, is but a symptom of the disease.

The ISM'S being life, particularly mine, recovery followed by lasting sobriety is an individual responsibility, right! With all its faults and failings, successes and disasters, which we all, as human beings, have.

Denial, for me, meant drinking, which using Einstein's definition of insanity, i.e. if you keep doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

Is not only an excellent description of insanity, but, in denial, the delusional life lead, certainly by me, if not all those in their drinking days, who suffer from alcoholism.

The moment of recognition and acceptance, not only changed all that but kept, and still does changing me and my life, together with my knowledge and understanding of the disease/illness but those, who like me, in my drinking days, still suffer from both it and denial.

Of course, those like me, who choose to use the 12 Step program of recovery outlined in the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous', will quite rightly point to the fact that recognition and acceptance form the basis of the first three steps. With whom I take no issue...

I can only share my own experience, strength and hope which came from my own recognition and acceptance, untarnished, for better or worse by any external, influences.

And that, for me, was the key, as I hope it is for many others, that provided the moment of change in me, as a person , that , in the natural order of things, lead on to recovery followed by, in my case, hopefully, one day at a time sobriety.
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Old 08-12-2015, 11:07 AM
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As I read your thread- and thank you - one thought came to mind; what a lucid post. Well constructed and written.

It then occurred to me how my thinking prior to quitting drinking was the opposite of lucid - opaque and irrational. "An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature." As Bill reminds us in his story. For me, this was a generous description of my condition!

My willingness preceded my acceptance, although I did not know it at the time. When I rolled into the rooms, I was willing to see what AA could offer in terms of help. I was willing to be willing. I thought I had accepted that I was a alcoholic. I had not.

I did step work with a sponsor, read, prayed and meditated. I would hear others introduce themselves before sharing as real alcoholics. I thought it was over the top. I could not find my inner most self to admit anything to. I barely could find any semblance of myself at all - wasn't certain I wanted to.

Slowly the fog in my brain lifted. I had done as a sponsor suggested - stay sober long enough for our brains to clear. This was around 6 months.

At some point while reading the Dr's Opinion (again and again) I truly began to understand. I comprehended there are many types of alcoholics - "many more" (than five) types. pg xxx

I could identify with type # 5 - "Then there are types entirely normal in every respect except in the effect alcohol has upon them." I tried for years to be type # 3 - "There is the type who always believes that after being entirely free from alcohol for a period of time he can take a drink without danger."

And that common thread regardless of which type one may identify with - " All these, (types) and many others, have one symptom in common. They cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving. "

I finally understood the mental and psychical parts of the illness. "This phenomenon as we have suggested may be the manifestation of an allergy....."

Yes - that was the key to real acceptance = real understanding of what the writers where trying to express. Truth that starts with clarity, needs time to fester and that God eventually (hopefully) reveals.

The book was written with tremendous lucidity - I am grateful I may begin to understand it's contents.

For anyone struggling, look at the first three words on page 112. That is indeed the key

peace
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Old 08-12-2015, 02:33 PM
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Redmayne
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I must admit...

I must admit, I was greatly assisted in my recovery, when someone passed me a set of 10 'bootleg' CD's of a recording of one of 'Charlie & Joe's: Big Book Study Meetings', now commercially available. Which together with the BB, played , along with taking the actions, a large part in my recovery.

Notwithstanding that what I write in my posts comes from both the heart and my own experience, still now ongoing in my recovery...it's often only by reflecting, having gained some clarity of thought, that a greater knowledge and understanding of alcoholism and the steps, taken to bring about it's respite, by way of total abstinence from alcohol.

Recognising and accepting I will always have alcoholism, that in sharing my experience, strength and hope I both help others, so afflicted, whilst at the same time , helping myself...

As Clancy's sponsor once told him,'If your problem is alcoholism, your problem isn't alcohol.'

Once the logic of that statement, as a person, is recognised and accepted, it provides the opportunity for further steps, in recovery to be taken, before you've ever been introduced to the 12 Step program of recovery.

I hope this makes as much sense to others as it did me...
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Old 08-12-2015, 04:49 PM
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In one of my first meetings with my sponsor he said - we have met because we are both very sick. Someday you'll realize how sick.

You carry the message well, friend and I am certain help many. Today you've helped this recovering real alcoholic.


Thank you
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Old 08-13-2015, 12:50 AM
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Redmayne
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Thanks for your inspirational, thoughtful post.

I like the idea of your sponsor, not just of being sick, but of one day realizing just how sick, brilliant!

As I have helped you, you have helped me and hopefully between us we've helped others, thank you...
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