CAPPA

my addiction to alcohol begain in high school,and progressed through my college years, I graduate with an bachelor's degree, and associate degree in the medical field, and have went on to make lots of money aquired all of the material needs one single man could desire. I moved from michigan to arkansas, where I met my wife of five years, then moved to Tennessee, and have two girls 4 and 3 years of age. This is were the disease of acoholism,and addiction consumed me. I have everthing to loose and was throwing it away, I was in top management in a local hospital, presitage, power, and respect was not enough for me I had to drink and drug daily to kill the pain. Which landed me in a treatment program I was able to BS my way though that. went back out thinking I could do it on my own, wrong!!. I began drinking even more started abusing prescription xanax, which caused me to lose that job, I then was feeling the heat from my wife and family, so I decided to start a Lawn and landscape company working that during the day, and nights at the hospital, I used the lawn care business to hide more alcoholic, and drugging binges, and recovered at night. I began driving drunk and under the influence of xanax with my children, by the grace of god I never was stopped or crashed. She finally filed for divorce July 29, 2004 I was drunk, and on xanax, and decided to ride a gas scooter with my 3 year old daugter we crashed, she had minor scratchs, and that was my bottom the Flash of light AA talks about. The countless threats of quite alcohol and drugs or I will divroce you did not work. I took hurting my children to kick my ass enough to quite. I am 38 days sober and attending AA daily, and divorce or not I must stay sober for my wife and children. My wife does not want to leave me or she would have kicked my drunk ass out, but she hasen't, for she is co-dependant and now attends Ala-Anon weekly. I have 90 days to get my self together or it is over. Our marriage is better is some ways because I do not avoid her now,but there is much work to be done. The grace of God through AA, and the 12 steps, one day at a time, easy does it, the stuff works if you let it. Alcohol and drugs will kill me I know this now, and if you are agnostic or beleive in a higher power got to AA meetings daily. I was saved because I am powerless over my additions. Pray for me and my family.

best

and remember to not BS yourself... one day at a time.

Congratulations on the clean and sober time. You say you need do for your wife and children.... You also need do for self as well.
Hopes and prayers that all things work out.

degadar

Hi Cappa,

You have my best wishes and support. You can make your way through this one day at a time - but you know all that!

You're doing well, and it is getting better.

Deg.

Alice Wonder

((((Cappa)))) congratulations on your sober time. stay strong. love-alice

David 1

Hey CAPPA, welcome!

Man, I could have written your story, as mine is very similar. So much to live for, but why would we risk throwing it all away. The answer is that we have a powerful disease and without help and a solid recovery program, we more often than not will fail in our attempts at sobriety.

Trying hard to quit, ultimatums, rationalizations, excuses, hiding alcohol, living a lie - sounds destructive doesn't it? But I have been sober for almost 11 months and have my life back, as well as my family. I have a nine year old and I can honestly look him in the eye and feel proud of who I am!!

The light went on for me (spiritual awakening) and it has been one day at a time for me ever since. It did take outpatient treatment and AA meetings for me to initially start my recovery. And it is by attending AA meetings and support from my family that sustains my sobriety today.

No miracles or silver bullets - just an honest attempt to not drink and admit that we have a disease that we cannot reason with - keep it simple!!

Good luck,

Dave