newfoundlight

It's been 3 weeks now since I've last taken my fill of what I call the "evil mistress" codiene. As expected I've come kicking and screaming back into reality and it feels a much different place then when I left it. Most of this withdrawal experience is forgotten already. Besides the crazy, agonising nights without sleep, or worse still, the unimaginable nightmares my poor mind was subjected to during my few hours of sleep, all I'm left with know is physical and spiritual exhuastion. Throughout this whole experience I somehow managed to keep my job and fool all my friends and family into thinking I had severe food poisioning! Besides various GP's you are the only one's who know of my secret illness. I had been using around 300mg daily and peaked at 500mg, although I found this too hard to keep up with. I wanted free of this burden. My skin dried out, I had constant stomach problems, became a virtual recluse and lost much of my body mass. Only now do I realise how much I've given to this "evil mistress" and how much rebuilding I have to do. Things aren't all gloom though. For the first time in 2 years I can take pleasure in the simple things in life, such as taking a walk, reading a good book or watching a good movie. I feel it's these small pleasures which will be instrumental to my recovery. Please forgive the erratic nature of my writing. I'm still very much on the mend and have trouble focusing. Feel feel free to ask any questions or give me some words of advice. Until then I will remain resilient if not somewhat confused.

splendra

((((nfl))))

Glad you made it sounds like you are doing good. Are you going to any na meetings? Take good care of yourself!!!

dotcom

hello. there is so much pleasure and happiness in the simple things in life. i think its probably because i appreciate those things now. "life" is what i do now instead of drugs. its great. you sound like a very patient person (from what ive read). that will take you a long way! by patient i guess i meant "laid back" and "taking things as they come". that will be a good help with transitioning into "the clean life". 19 months ago, i never thought id feel this great. but i do! hang in there, and keep a positive attitude. i will keep you in my prayers.

longboarder

newfoundlight

Thankyou for your support. As I said in my previous post, I'm going through this all alone, so just to get my story out in words and recieve some encouragement is inspiring. Although I'm not quite part of the "clean life" yet (I've been smoking cigarettes and marijuana like crazy), it doesn't seem as scary as it once did. I like what you said about "doing life now" longboard. I guess the old saying "high on life" is a cliche but it's our only hope of real recovery. I hope one day I can get to that place you are now and find some geniune contentment.

In memory of miracle

3 weeks !!

dotcom

you will reach that point newfound! all of our pain, sorrow, discomfort, and blahness (accompanied with some sort of recovery) will help us appreciate the small things in life! as well as the big things! i cry at weddings now. i NEVER did that before. even at birthdays, LOL. id say you are clean in my book. when you are ready you will kick the mj and smokes. but, you are tackling your problems and that is a wonderful start to a contented life!!!!

hugs,

longboarder

ChrisMan

Newfoundlight,

You are not alone.

newfoundlight

Thankyou once again. I've been reading this everyday for a quick hit of inspiration and it always brings a smile to my face. I was going to write in yesterday however I sat at my computer for 2 hours and couldn't think of anything to write. Then it was 2am and I remembered I had another long, hard day ahead of me. Still I'm not going to complain. Tonight I have shaved, cleaned my apartment out, ironed my cloths and then had a shower. If this continues I might even be considered a respected member of society once again... maybe I won't go this far but at least I'm clean and well groomed.

You are all beautiful people and make me realise society isn't so bad. You have stood up strong against a storm of troubles and come out the other side with your compassion and dignity intact. This is true inspiration. Till next time, I will remain kicking the monkies and now somehow less alone.