Showing compassion...
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Showing compassion...
If I accept, as many others do, that alcoholism is an illness or disease and in my efforts in pursuing the principle to help both others and myself recover from it - see Chapter 7 of the book 'Alcoholics Anonymous' 4th E. p. 89 ,' Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail.'
Which it goes on to say is the core principle of the 12th suggestion or step, to me in the wider community, not just in those recovering from alcoholism, in its stated form i.e. an illness or disease. This embodies the first of the three great spiritual qualities, compassion, patience and tolerance, recognised by many of the leading religions, doctrines,philosophy' s and beliefs, open to us all, regardless of race, class or gender et al.
None more so than that shown by the sufferer to themselves and others so afflicted but perhaps and just as importantly by those surrounding them e.g. family, friends, employers etc..in a manner in which they to accept they are dealing with an illness or disease over which, like us all when we first get into recovery we know little or nothing, other than the insidious or self destructive power alcohol wields over us and even less how to regain our control over it. Against which, as we all know, self will is of no use at all...
The leading antidote being using compassion by way of sharing our experience, strength and hope, which includes the hope that others, not so afflicted, will show their compassion in a manner that recognises and accepts the value of their doing so.
Recovery, like drinking itself, affects everyone, not for nothing is it referred to as 'a family illness' in which, by adopting or showing, a detached but compassionate approach. Is, wherever possible, I believe part of anyones recovery, not least to yourself.
Which it goes on to say is the core principle of the 12th suggestion or step, to me in the wider community, not just in those recovering from alcoholism, in its stated form i.e. an illness or disease. This embodies the first of the three great spiritual qualities, compassion, patience and tolerance, recognised by many of the leading religions, doctrines,philosophy' s and beliefs, open to us all, regardless of race, class or gender et al.
None more so than that shown by the sufferer to themselves and others so afflicted but perhaps and just as importantly by those surrounding them e.g. family, friends, employers etc..in a manner in which they to accept they are dealing with an illness or disease over which, like us all when we first get into recovery we know little or nothing, other than the insidious or self destructive power alcohol wields over us and even less how to regain our control over it. Against which, as we all know, self will is of no use at all...
The leading antidote being using compassion by way of sharing our experience, strength and hope, which includes the hope that others, not so afflicted, will show their compassion in a manner that recognises and accepts the value of their doing so.
Recovery, like drinking itself, affects everyone, not for nothing is it referred to as 'a family illness' in which, by adopting or showing, a detached but compassionate approach. Is, wherever possible, I believe part of anyones recovery, not least to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Cape Town, South Africa
Posts: 5
You said it so well my friend. It is so easy for friends and relatives to judge you when you are in recovery, because they still think : "It is your own fault" / "you could have prevented this" "you have no self-control" and the list goes on and on and on ..... Recovery starts when you yourself and those who support you understand and accept that it is a disease for which treatment is needed and as you have mentioned, we start to have compassion, patience and tolerance with ourselves and those who support us also show it towards us. Have a good day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
You know Redmayne, it's not only Alcohol but all our past mistakes that can really make us crazy if we don't put them in the proper perspective. In my going on 58 ears on the planet I made so many bad decisions that I could write "My Book Of Bad Decisions". If I really want to make myself depressed I can drag that book out and relive all the bad stuff for the millionth time. We don't talk much about it but we all have to learn how to deal with our "Book Of Bad Memories".
Redmayne
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
Dealing with the book...
My efforts in dealing with the book you refer to have been greatly helped by this quote from, William Knauss, one of the pioneers in cognitive therapy,' What happens to us may not be our fault, but how we think about it is our responsibility.'
To be found in Jules Evans book,' Philosophy for Life And Other Dangerous Situations.' Just a thought....
To be found in Jules Evans book,' Philosophy for Life And Other Dangerous Situations.' Just a thought....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 1,742
I like that book title!
In working the steps of recovery, it is suggested we look back at our past and see how the decisions we made influenced our choice in arriving at the point of complete unmanageability.
The trick is not to stay there, that is, looking back.
I firmly believe the steps of AA allow a suffering alcoholic, no matter "how far down the scale" they've gone, to look in the past, take the lessons learned there and go forward in life without holding on to any defects that keep them from being of service to God and to others.
It's a beautiful program when worked honestly and willingly, and it's a program that relies on other alcoholics for it's success - the 12th step. (I'm still learning that aspect of it.
)
In working the steps of recovery, it is suggested we look back at our past and see how the decisions we made influenced our choice in arriving at the point of complete unmanageability.
The trick is not to stay there, that is, looking back.
I firmly believe the steps of AA allow a suffering alcoholic, no matter "how far down the scale" they've gone, to look in the past, take the lessons learned there and go forward in life without holding on to any defects that keep them from being of service to God and to others.
It's a beautiful program when worked honestly and willingly, and it's a program that relies on other alcoholics for it's success - the 12th step. (I'm still learning that aspect of it.
)
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by Redmayne 
The leading antidote being using compassion by way of sharing our experience, strength and hope, which includes the hope that others, not so afflicted, will show their compassion in a manner that recognises and accepts the value of their doing so.
Recovery, like drinking itself, affects everyone, not for nothing is it referred to as 'a family illness' in which, by adopting or showing, a detached but compassionate approach. Is, wherever possible, I believe part of anyones recovery, not least to yourself.
Recovery, like drinking itself, affects everyone, not for nothing is it referred to as 'a family illness' in which, by adopting or showing, a detached but compassionate approach. Is, wherever possible, I believe part of anyones recovery, not least to yourself.
This is a good reminder for me that just as when I drank, the ripples in the pond affect all.
Thanks
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Someone posted this quote recently
Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.
― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
I suppose there are degrees of bad stuff though. I also recall the quote that the greatest fires in hell are reserved for the hypocrites..........
Regardless - what is the choice we have as human beings? Sit in it or evolve - I choose the latter with ya'll.
Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.
― Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
I suppose there are degrees of bad stuff though. I also recall the quote that the greatest fires in hell are reserved for the hypocrites..........
Regardless - what is the choice we have as human beings? Sit in it or evolve - I choose the latter with ya'll.
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