Duration of stay in rehab
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 18
Duration of stay in rehab
Hi everyone,
So, my husband is in rehab for alcoholism. He's been in for 15 days (its tempting to leave him in there for the next 15 years!). He has made huge progress,finished his detox and genuinely seems so different (I was allowed to visit him last weekend), his eyes are clearing and his face looks less red. He's gaining weight too and he seems happy for the first time ever and was genuinely sorry - I don't care about the sorry as it's just words (that I've heard a million times!) but I just wanted to see him happy and willing to change. He seems to be taking it seriously. He has been drinking alcoholically for around 10 years I think and has tried to cut down but had a seizure - so he's definitely extremely physically dependent.
However, the clinic has said they want him to stay for another 10 weeks to complete his 12 steps. We told them that it would be 4 weeks due to work committments. I know recovery comes first, I truly believe that however, realistically his boss cannot have him take anymore time off as he's just started a new job 3 months ago.
I was wondering if any of you/your relatives has been to rehab for the month and are still committed to sobriety or for those that went, did you stay longer in rehab? Our plan is for him to leave at the end of the month and to committ to as many AA meetings as possible.
So, my husband is in rehab for alcoholism. He's been in for 15 days (its tempting to leave him in there for the next 15 years!). He has made huge progress,finished his detox and genuinely seems so different (I was allowed to visit him last weekend), his eyes are clearing and his face looks less red. He's gaining weight too and he seems happy for the first time ever and was genuinely sorry - I don't care about the sorry as it's just words (that I've heard a million times!) but I just wanted to see him happy and willing to change. He seems to be taking it seriously. He has been drinking alcoholically for around 10 years I think and has tried to cut down but had a seizure - so he's definitely extremely physically dependent.
However, the clinic has said they want him to stay for another 10 weeks to complete his 12 steps. We told them that it would be 4 weeks due to work committments. I know recovery comes first, I truly believe that however, realistically his boss cannot have him take anymore time off as he's just started a new job 3 months ago.
I was wondering if any of you/your relatives has been to rehab for the month and are still committed to sobriety or for those that went, did you stay longer in rehab? Our plan is for him to leave at the end of the month and to committ to as many AA meetings as possible.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Hi Sunrise!
My wife went to rehab for a month several years ago. She learned many tools for sober living, but did not use them. She did not follow up with meetings nor work the steps with a sponsor. Within a few months, she was drinking again.
I think it all depends on level of commitment. If your husband is serious about sobriety, one month of rehab might be sufficient.
My wife went to rehab for a month several years ago. She learned many tools for sober living, but did not use them. She did not follow up with meetings nor work the steps with a sponsor. Within a few months, she was drinking again.
I think it all depends on level of commitment. If your husband is serious about sobriety, one month of rehab might be sufficient.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 18
Sorry to hear that Coldfusion 
It must have been so hard for you to watch her go back to the bottle after rehab.
I think he's serious, I wish I could be sure but he's tried to quit several times however he's got nowhere really due to the physical dependence and at times not trying as hard as he could but I've definitely noticed a huge change in him and he wants to do it for himself now and not just us.
Thanks
It must have been so hard for you to watch her go back to the bottle after rehab. I think he's serious, I wish I could be sure but he's tried to quit several times however he's got nowhere really due to the physical dependence and at times not trying as hard as he could but I've definitely noticed a huge change in him and he wants to do it for himself now and not just us.
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
I am 61 years old. I drank for 40 years. My wife surprised me when she said I needed to stop drinking. That started a long process of trying to 'control' my drinking. Finally I almost had a stroke when my Blood Pressure hit 200/125, and I went to the hospital in an ambulance.
I agreed to go thru a 6 week rehab. It did great for me, but when I hit the work-world and my daily stressful routine, I was drinking again in 6 weeks...slowly and controlled at first, then it gradually got real bad again. That eventually developed into a VERY BAD state of mind, the worst condition I had ever been in.
That was the end for me....I went back to AA, got a Sponsor, and REALLY worked the AA Program. The AA Program IS the 12 Steps, it is NOT just going to meetings. Through working the Steps with the guidance of a Sponsor, my Life was radically changed. I have been Sober & Free for over a year now, and my state of mind is maintained Free & Healthy by continuing to live by the AA 12 STEP Program.
Rehab was good for me, but I eventually had to learn to Live Life on Life's Terms. The AA 12 STEP Program was the only thing that worked for me...and continues to work for me. My wife and I now have a great relationship...before the change AA made in my life I was routinely asked to leave the house, and our relationship was strained beyond the breaking point.
RDBplus3...Happy, Joyous, and FREE...and I KNOW your Husband and YOU can be 2.
I agreed to go thru a 6 week rehab. It did great for me, but when I hit the work-world and my daily stressful routine, I was drinking again in 6 weeks...slowly and controlled at first, then it gradually got real bad again. That eventually developed into a VERY BAD state of mind, the worst condition I had ever been in.
That was the end for me....I went back to AA, got a Sponsor, and REALLY worked the AA Program. The AA Program IS the 12 Steps, it is NOT just going to meetings. Through working the Steps with the guidance of a Sponsor, my Life was radically changed. I have been Sober & Free for over a year now, and my state of mind is maintained Free & Healthy by continuing to live by the AA 12 STEP Program.
Rehab was good for me, but I eventually had to learn to Live Life on Life's Terms. The AA 12 STEP Program was the only thing that worked for me...and continues to work for me. My wife and I now have a great relationship...before the change AA made in my life I was routinely asked to leave the house, and our relationship was strained beyond the breaking point.
RDBplus3...Happy, Joyous, and FREE...and I KNOW your Husband and YOU can be 2.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 18
Yes, that's my worst fear RDBplus3 - he has never really tried to deal with his emotions heathily so when he's in the real world thats when it terrifies me most. I will definitely get him working the 12 steps. I've just been reading 'The Big Book' myself and he knows he has to work those steps and get a sponsor immediately.
I also plan to get him a diving course or something active for when he comes out of rehab. Oh goodness, I just wish I knew he will stay commited to recovery. I will try to get him to join SR.
Thanks
I also plan to get him a diving course or something active for when he comes out of rehab. Oh goodness, I just wish I knew he will stay commited to recovery. I will try to get him to join SR.
Thanks
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
I was in a long-term rehab where I had the option to stay up to 24 months. Some of the guys who left early stayed sober. Some of the guys who completed 2 years got drunk their first night out.
I saw no correlation between length of time and success rates.
I saw no correlation between length of time and success rates.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I did not go to rehab and I have been sober since January 2013. Many members of the SR alcoholism forum with long term sobriety have not been through rehab either. They key is to be committed to recovery and determined to remain abstinent no matter what.
Are you getting support for yourself too? How are you feeling?
Are you getting support for yourself too? How are you feeling?
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by Carlotta 
They key is to be committed to recovery and determined to remain abstinent no matter what.
Don't focus on how long he is there or the stats or what might be. Focus on today and on you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hello....I went thru a 28 day in stay with
a 6 week aftercare outpatient program
attached back in 1990. When I completed
all then it was up to me to remain sober
no matter what. And I did because I didn't
want to be sent away from my family for
a much longer time again.
I did all I could do to remain sober for
24 yrs. now and because I was given
that rehab experience back in the day,
It became the foundation to begin building
my life upon learning to be healthy, happy
and honest all along the way.
For that opportunity, I am blessed and
grateful.
a 6 week aftercare outpatient program
attached back in 1990. When I completed
all then it was up to me to remain sober
no matter what. And I did because I didn't
want to be sent away from my family for
a much longer time again.
I did all I could do to remain sober for
24 yrs. now and because I was given
that rehab experience back in the day,
It became the foundation to begin building
my life upon learning to be healthy, happy
and honest all along the way.
For that opportunity, I am blessed and
grateful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 18
Hi all,
Thank you for the informative and inspiring posts You guys are brilliant and I have never even come close to feeling what addiction feels like *touch wood*, even just indepth research is terrifying. So you should really be proud of yourself for your commitment towards recovery.
If I'm honest, I've not done much in the way of looking after myself, except studying as hard as possible to ensure the future for our girls as I am making contingency plans. Will go to al-anon. I'm feeling like I'm stuck right in the middle, I know I should be 100% supportive as he is really trying and it's been so hard for him... but I think the fear is holding me back. I guess that is where Al-anon comes in
Thank you for the informative and inspiring posts
You guys are brilliant and I have never even come close to feeling what addiction feels like *touch wood*, even just indepth research is terrifying. So you should really be proud of yourself for your commitment towards recovery. If I'm honest, I've not done much in the way of looking after myself, except studying as hard as possible to ensure the future for our girls as I am making contingency plans. Will go to al-anon.
I'm feeling like I'm stuck right in the middle, I know I should be 100% supportive as he is really trying and it's been so hard for him... but I think the fear is holding me back. I guess that is where Al-anon comes in Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Hi there - it sounds like you've received some good advice here, I'm glad you found it helpful!
I myself drank heavily for 10 years just like your husband. At age 36, I had withdrawal seizures and went to treatment. I stayed for 4 weeks. The clinic wanted me to continue a "stage 2" treatment plan but I politely declined as I was eager to get back into the real world. I did not have much of a support system and the first few months out of treatment were a struggle and I battled depression, anger, and frustration. It's not easy to have everyone else around you be so excited that you're "cured" when inside you feel miserable. That said, I did not drink. I saw medical professionals, sought support online and in person, and got through the tough period. Almost 3 years later I am still sober and doing very well.
As many have said here, you can only control your own health. Al-Anon may be a good solution...regardless, it's key to not insinuate to your husband that he lives up to your expectations. It's a really hard adjustment and lots of changes are needed. Not drinking is just the first step of a very long personal journey. As you can see by my "location" status, sobriety meant changing my entire life and essentially starting over and building from scratch.
All the best to you, welcome to the forum and keep posting and asking questions. That friends and family forum is fantastic for support on your end.
I myself drank heavily for 10 years just like your husband. At age 36, I had withdrawal seizures and went to treatment. I stayed for 4 weeks. The clinic wanted me to continue a "stage 2" treatment plan but I politely declined as I was eager to get back into the real world. I did not have much of a support system and the first few months out of treatment were a struggle and I battled depression, anger, and frustration. It's not easy to have everyone else around you be so excited that you're "cured" when inside you feel miserable. That said, I did not drink. I saw medical professionals, sought support online and in person, and got through the tough period. Almost 3 years later I am still sober and doing very well.
As many have said here, you can only control your own health. Al-Anon may be a good solution...regardless, it's key to not insinuate to your husband that he lives up to your expectations. It's a really hard adjustment and lots of changes are needed. Not drinking is just the first step of a very long personal journey. As you can see by my "location" status, sobriety meant changing my entire life and essentially starting over and building from scratch.
All the best to you, welcome to the forum and keep posting and asking questions. That friends and family forum is fantastic for support on your end.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 18
Hi bigsombrero,
Your story sounds very similar to my husbands - let's hope he remains sober like you too. Absolutely, trying desperately hard not to lecture him but just very concerned about our future if he starts going down the same path again. I guess I've got to try and let go of my fears and support him. Only time will tell how serious he really is. I'm glad to see the length of rehab doesn't really make much difference, he seems to be a different man so let's hope in the real world he continues to help himself.
Well done on your sobriety.
Your story sounds very similar to my husbands - let's hope he remains sober like you too. Absolutely, trying desperately hard not to lecture him but just very concerned about our future if he starts going down the same path again. I guess I've got to try and let go of my fears and support him. Only time will tell how serious he really is. I'm glad to see the length of rehab doesn't really make much difference, he seems to be a different man so let's hope in the real world he continues to help himself.
Well done on your sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: San Pedro, CA
Posts: 24
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
Hi there - it sounds like you've received some good advice here, I'm glad you found it helpful!
As many have said here, you can only control your own health. Al-Anon may be a good solution...regardless, it's key to not insinuate to your husband that he lives up to your expectations. It's a really hard adjustment and lots of changes are needed. Not drinking is just the first step of a very long personal journey. As you can see by my "location" status, sobriety meant changing my entire life and essentially starting over and building from scratch.
As many have said here, you can only control your own health. Al-Anon may be a good solution...regardless, it's key to not insinuate to your husband that he lives up to your expectations. It's a really hard adjustment and lots of changes are needed. Not drinking is just the first step of a very long personal journey. As you can see by my "location" status, sobriety meant changing my entire life and essentially starting over and building from scratch.
Hope that doesn't sound harsh, just trying to give you a perspective from the other side of addiction.
Best of luck to you and your husband!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 18
Thanks scooterdog, it does not sound harsh at all just the reality I'm facing that we've all gone through. So, I know I should not be so stressed and anxious as it counterproducts his recovery but it's almost inbuilt. Trying absolutely to build those steps and I'm working on my Al-Anon 1st step so I've told him all meeting plans will be his responsibility
I absolutely will attend Al-anon face-to-face. Thank you, your advice really helps especially advice from the other side too.
L
I absolutely will attend Al-anon face-to-face. Thank you, your advice really helps especially advice from the other side too.
L
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 5
I think it would be a good step to have proper and complete treatment rather than leaving in hurry due to work. Health must always be given first priority and try to be in there to have proper addiction treatment.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Northern Michigan
Posts: 28,801
Hello Sunrise,
I'll be wishing you both the best. It is up to your husband to stay the course and I'm hoping he has gained enough tools to keep him sober. You can help him by being a silent partner just for now. He has to do this for him. then he can keep the things he loves, which include you.
I never went to rehab but hit my bottom and knew it. God did for me what I could not do for myself. It was then up to me to STAY sober. I drank for many long years and could not do it on my own. I finally prayed like I never did before. I am now 16 months sober and my life has never been better. I need remember what it was like before I quit. One has to want this more than he wants a drink.
Best wishes to you both,
Kris
I'll be wishing you both the best. It is up to your husband to stay the course and I'm hoping he has gained enough tools to keep him sober. You can help him by being a silent partner just for now. He has to do this for him. then he can keep the things he loves, which include you.
I never went to rehab but hit my bottom and knew it. God did for me what I could not do for myself. It was then up to me to STAY sober. I drank for many long years and could not do it on my own. I finally prayed like I never did before. I am now 16 months sober and my life has never been better. I need remember what it was like before I quit. One has to want this more than he wants a drink.
Best wishes to you both,
Kris
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