I will light a candle for my late girlfriend today!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: N.Y. N.Y
Posts: 101
I will light a candle for my late girlfriend today!
I lost my girlfriend 4 years ago to drugs and alcohol.
I remember waiting at the hospital when She went into cardiac arrest 4 times before her heart gave in.
As bad as I felt at the time, I actually felt a sense of relief.
She no longer had to suffer from her physical and mental pain.
At the time, make no mistake about it, I felt like I had failed once again.
I thought I could save her.
I was with my girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years before she died.
She was in and out of the hospital numerous times and I just couldn't get thru to her to stop drinking and drugging. I could'nt control her and I was actually seperated from her the last couple of months before she died.
But, I wanted to look out for her and I hoped she would get the help that she needed. Of course this affected my own recovery as well.
I like to think Lucy is at peace now and I will light a candle today for her.
She was the one who told me you should do this for family members or close people that you lost.
I will light a candle for my Father in 4 days also. My father died 8/14/88.
I also light candles for my Mother(She died 12/22/73) and my brother(He died 3/31/88).
The best I can say is that I believe they are all with me in spirit.
I remember waiting at the hospital when She went into cardiac arrest 4 times before her heart gave in.
As bad as I felt at the time, I actually felt a sense of relief.
She no longer had to suffer from her physical and mental pain.
At the time, make no mistake about it, I felt like I had failed once again.
I thought I could save her.
I was with my girlfriend for about 2 1/2 years before she died.
She was in and out of the hospital numerous times and I just couldn't get thru to her to stop drinking and drugging. I could'nt control her and I was actually seperated from her the last couple of months before she died.
But, I wanted to look out for her and I hoped she would get the help that she needed. Of course this affected my own recovery as well.
I like to think Lucy is at peace now and I will light a candle today for her.
She was the one who told me you should do this for family members or close people that you lost.
I will light a candle for my Father in 4 days also. My father died 8/14/88.
I also light candles for my Mother(She died 12/22/73) and my brother(He died 3/31/88).
The best I can say is that I believe they are all with me in spirit.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: so plfd, NJ
Posts: 1
I walk in your shoes
Dear Tom,
I have walked in your shoes. I was married to Ed for 24 years, and in that time I went through his bouts of alcoholism and manic depression which led to his time spent out of the house on restraining orders and in jail. This past May he blacked out and tried to suffocate me. I filed for divorce, still loving this man. We had two children together, one in a grave at the age of five months who passed November 23, 1981. Our daughter is now 23.
Ed was sober for 4 years and nicotine free for 5. The nicotine set off his manic state and he knew enough to stay away from it. This past April was the ten year anniversary of his sisters death from breast cancer and he was drinking heavily. I later found out after having yet another restraining order barring him from the house due to his destructive state that he had picked up smoking again. After he nearly killed me I filed for a permanent restraining order and continued with divorce proceedings.
I warned him in the past that if he went into that state again and didn't go for help and medication that the marriage was over. He knew I was serious this time. He was living with his parents for a few weeks and still drinking more heavily than he ever did. We went to family court and the judge gave him one of the cars knowing he was an alcoholic. I drained Ed dry through bank accounts that were mine since he was out of work for nine years fighting a workers comp case and I was the sole support of the house. He took the money we had credit on for our utility bills and wanted it for drinking thus shutting down my gas and electric, garbage and what ever else he could to support his habit.
I tried all the years to help him but I also blame his parents. They could have helped him financially years ago when he wanted his class A license. Instead they were to image minded and having their first born son a "TRUCK DRIVER?" would ruin his mothers pristine image, although she worked as a realtor which in my opinion was nothing less than a glorified sales position, so how far did she get in her life?
He daughter was to become a lawyer, but that fell through when she decided to marry a rich boy for his money then she opened up a land scaping business, got money for a two family and lived happy until her death in 1994 at age 36 with four small boys.
Ed's younger brother made sure he was able to collect over $200,000 from his parents for a faile business, the stealing from that business and having to pay the Government back or go to jail. But a lousy $2,000 for a class A license was too much money, so Ed took on menial jobs over time until he was injured in 1995 leaving him with 3 herniated disks and out of work.
He never had a childhood either since he was born of German parents who believed work was the only way.
On June 19th almost 8 weeks ago, I lost Ed in a car accident that killed him on impact. yes he was drunk, the police report said .254 BAC. A driver of a Ford Explorer hit his driver side door at a high rate of speed sending our 1987 camaro into a quater spin and pushing it 26 feet as he side swiped the driver side again. Ed was killed instantly and crushed in an 8 inch space. He was 6' 4" tall and weighed 220 pounds.
I saw my car and fell to my knees. I tried to squeeze into that small space in the driver's seat, even I couldn't as petite as I am. My car was totaled and my husband dead at age 49.
I miss him, and the grief is unbarable.My daughter and I will never be the same. Our home is left only with his memory and the guilt I feel for not being able to save him this one final time has destroyed me. Like you Tom, I tried everything, but this time failed.
To all of you who are in recovery, please save this story and pass it on. You have no idea how much your loved ones need you. The alcohol is a crutch. It will try to keep you for as long as it can and death will be it's final reward. You will die, there is no doubt about that. I am urging you all to stop drinking, and please for the love of God and your families, don't get behind the wheel of a car.
Ed didn't want to die no more than Tom's girlfriend. But if you allow it to take control it will happen to you. Your families are the ones who will suffer your loss. I want all of you to go outside and breathe air, go to the beach and watch the waves, feel the warm sun on your skin. Wake up every morning and hug your spouses and children. I would give my soul to the devil if he would let me have Ed one more day. He will never enjoy those things in life anymore, the outdoors, walks in the woods, the beach, horses, his favorite foods or even a ball game. We will never hear his voice again or his laughter.
Please do this. Do what ever it takes to end your addiction. An abouve all else talk to someone before you pick up that drink. God bless all of you.
Tom, you have hugs, hang in there I know it's difficult. I am with you.
Sincerely,
Patti
I have walked in your shoes. I was married to Ed for 24 years, and in that time I went through his bouts of alcoholism and manic depression which led to his time spent out of the house on restraining orders and in jail. This past May he blacked out and tried to suffocate me. I filed for divorce, still loving this man. We had two children together, one in a grave at the age of five months who passed November 23, 1981. Our daughter is now 23.
Ed was sober for 4 years and nicotine free for 5. The nicotine set off his manic state and he knew enough to stay away from it. This past April was the ten year anniversary of his sisters death from breast cancer and he was drinking heavily. I later found out after having yet another restraining order barring him from the house due to his destructive state that he had picked up smoking again. After he nearly killed me I filed for a permanent restraining order and continued with divorce proceedings.
I warned him in the past that if he went into that state again and didn't go for help and medication that the marriage was over. He knew I was serious this time. He was living with his parents for a few weeks and still drinking more heavily than he ever did. We went to family court and the judge gave him one of the cars knowing he was an alcoholic. I drained Ed dry through bank accounts that were mine since he was out of work for nine years fighting a workers comp case and I was the sole support of the house. He took the money we had credit on for our utility bills and wanted it for drinking thus shutting down my gas and electric, garbage and what ever else he could to support his habit.
I tried all the years to help him but I also blame his parents. They could have helped him financially years ago when he wanted his class A license. Instead they were to image minded and having their first born son a "TRUCK DRIVER?" would ruin his mothers pristine image, although she worked as a realtor which in my opinion was nothing less than a glorified sales position, so how far did she get in her life?
He daughter was to become a lawyer, but that fell through when she decided to marry a rich boy for his money then she opened up a land scaping business, got money for a two family and lived happy until her death in 1994 at age 36 with four small boys.
Ed's younger brother made sure he was able to collect over $200,000 from his parents for a faile business, the stealing from that business and having to pay the Government back or go to jail. But a lousy $2,000 for a class A license was too much money, so Ed took on menial jobs over time until he was injured in 1995 leaving him with 3 herniated disks and out of work.
He never had a childhood either since he was born of German parents who believed work was the only way.
On June 19th almost 8 weeks ago, I lost Ed in a car accident that killed him on impact. yes he was drunk, the police report said .254 BAC. A driver of a Ford Explorer hit his driver side door at a high rate of speed sending our 1987 camaro into a quater spin and pushing it 26 feet as he side swiped the driver side again. Ed was killed instantly and crushed in an 8 inch space. He was 6' 4" tall and weighed 220 pounds.
I saw my car and fell to my knees. I tried to squeeze into that small space in the driver's seat, even I couldn't as petite as I am. My car was totaled and my husband dead at age 49.
I miss him, and the grief is unbarable.My daughter and I will never be the same. Our home is left only with his memory and the guilt I feel for not being able to save him this one final time has destroyed me. Like you Tom, I tried everything, but this time failed.
To all of you who are in recovery, please save this story and pass it on. You have no idea how much your loved ones need you. The alcohol is a crutch. It will try to keep you for as long as it can and death will be it's final reward. You will die, there is no doubt about that. I am urging you all to stop drinking, and please for the love of God and your families, don't get behind the wheel of a car.
Ed didn't want to die no more than Tom's girlfriend. But if you allow it to take control it will happen to you. Your families are the ones who will suffer your loss. I want all of you to go outside and breathe air, go to the beach and watch the waves, feel the warm sun on your skin. Wake up every morning and hug your spouses and children. I would give my soul to the devil if he would let me have Ed one more day. He will never enjoy those things in life anymore, the outdoors, walks in the woods, the beach, horses, his favorite foods or even a ball game. We will never hear his voice again or his laughter.
Please do this. Do what ever it takes to end your addiction. An abouve all else talk to someone before you pick up that drink. God bless all of you.
Tom, you have hugs, hang in there I know it's difficult. I am with you.
Sincerely,
Patti
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 398
Tom,
My prayers are with you.
Patti, thank you for sharing. You have given me great incentive to remain sober. I will certainly think of Ed tomorrow when I take a walk outside and smell the air and enjoy the sunshine.
Chris
My prayers are with you.
Patti, thank you for sharing. You have given me great incentive to remain sober. I will certainly think of Ed tomorrow when I take a walk outside and smell the air and enjoy the sunshine.
Chris
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