jsdgirl

I'm really confused right now about two things in my life that I feel are important. #1 is recovery and #2 is relationships. I'm stuck in this feeling that I don't want to use but I don't want to live "like this" and when I say that I mean the "NA" way. I keep questioning is this for me?

I'm at a place that I miss my family/friends. I just got out of a 6 year relationship and the man continues to be my best friend, however at this time I chose to keep my distant because of feelings I still have. But I miss the friendship that kept us together for 6 years. I have started to get to know other males in/out of recovery and I am no where close to wanting/needing another relationship. I barely know "me"!!! I just don't know what to do with all these feelings regarding recovery/relationships-anyones help would be appreicated!
Thanks-JSDGIRL

3legacy

(((((((((JSDGIRL))))))))))
Thanks for the honest sharing. Every relationship I have today is new since I've found recovery. The most important one(relationship) for me is with God(HP). I am in AA and not a member of NA, so I wont touch that portion of your post. I understand the Recovery priority being #1 for you, as it is also #1 for me. I can't have any quality relationships if I don't keep that priority in focus.

I have grown through practical experience in trying to develop a variety of relationships over my days in Recovery. Some wonderful choices, some not so wonderful except in the lessons learned. There is a special lady I have become a bit "twitterpated" with recently. It appear impossible in becoming an option, even down the road. Im doing the best I can to not deny my feelings however. Tempering them the best I am able under the Grace of God. Choosing character building over comfort is rooted in spiritual principle and becoming a great lesson for me. LOL As if the choice were even mine to make.

I still fail at times. So, I keep trudging forward while trying my best to enjoy the vibrant company of "all" I come in contact with on a daily basis. I enjoy the precious thoughts of one in particular as I thank God for allowing me the capacity to Love once again. Even if that feeling is not to be returned, it is still a magnificent and very precious gift!

The more I get to know me, the more I enjoy all the YOU's out there. Most in brotherly love but yearnings still exist for the essence of a special romantic fragrance in intimacy.

(((((((((JSDGIRL)))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service,
Three Legs

jsdgirl

Thanks for those words-ThreeLegs
You said the things I think but can't seem to but into words.

3legacy

(((((JSDGIRL))))))))
Your words were put quite well from my perspective. I even felt a bit of jealousy in reading them.

Friendships are absolutely wonderful and I am grateful for keeping many of those, once the split had happened. I yearn at times for so much more than mere friendship presently. A born again romantic? Maybe, maybe not???? But I still yearn for more fulfilling intimate relationship as I place myself further into service work to quiet the sometimes imperious urge that may bring heartache. Quite possibly this is my mechanizm and process of distancing for the good of myself & another.

I am not certain. I am however a human being with instinctual drives beyond just remaining sober. Tsk Tsk a human being is not always a human doing. LOL

((((((((JSDGIRL))))))))))Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service,
Three Legs

jsdgirl

Three Legs,
It's because of that friendship that I keep myself distance and continue to have feelings (happy & sad) that I wonder is this for me and that I shut other people out from getting close, including my sponsor and other people in the fellowship.
I gave up the drugs, why do I have to give up my best friend? Is it because I am afraid of keeping anything from then and taking it to the now or does it mean that I need to let go and let it be apart of the past? I just question myself, if I wasn't putting recovery first would we still have a chance? I answer that myself that if I DON'T put recovery first, I will probably die and it won't matter anymore. And I don't want to die, I want to live but I am so confused!!!

3legacy

((((((((JSDGIRL))))))))


Its not always a "black or white" issue, "either/or" situation, from what I've both seen and experienced. Nor, does it have to be. I would love to chat more if your interested. Chatroom is open 24/7 and frequently vacant if you wish to speak live-time. I find it a useful tool in getting to better know others and communicate with them. Let me know if that works and when & I will try to make it work on my end.

((((((((JSDGIRL)))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
Three Legs

David 1

Hey guys, I went through outpatient treatment last winter and I had a great counselor. Onne of her nuggets of wisdom was that we have to "fill up" our own buckets first, before we can give to others.

At least early on, our recovery is about staying sober and going through some tumultuous times. We also learn about relapse and how to avoid the truggers that may tempt us to use.

Relationships are about feelings, recovery is about battling a disease. I guess what I am saying is take care of you first, then you will be better able to take care of others (when the time is right).

Dave

Rowan

Well said, Dave. Boy did I need to read that. Thank you.

David 1

Thanks Rowan - I can say that about a lot of your posts here as well!

Nice picture by the way - good icebreaker I bet!!??

Tanis

jsdgirl -

Tough subject. I am not sure if I have an answer for you.

My take on it is this: if you are working on your recovery, that means - to me - that you are working on your relationship with yourself. As that changes - hopefully for the better - then is it natural for other relationships to change or be affected in some way.

The nature of the change I am sure is different for each person and each individual relationship with that person (i.e., you!)

I don't know.... I am in that place right now. I hope this makes sense to you.

- Tanis