PenelopeJoan

Hey All- I wanted to get some thoughts/ideas/advice from some of you wise sober folks :-) I'm 11 months sober on 9/6. I removed all alcohol from my house last October, got sober, and have LOVED living my life without alcohol. I started dating a great guy a few months ago. He's a normal drinker who can take it or leave it - but he does enjoy a glass of wine or beer on occasion. Our relationship has gotten pretty serious and I'm already nervous about the thought of having alcohol in the house again if we were to live together- even though I do feel strong in my sobriety. My guy totally supports and encourages me in my sobriety. However, I don't feel like he should be kept from having alcohol in the house if he'd like to partake once in awhile. What are your thoughts? Anyone married to normal drinkers and have alcohol around the house?

Soberpotamus

I would be honest and upfront about your concerns with him. If having it in the house is going to tempt you, the ideal scenario is that he'd completely understand and respect this. Compromise is one of those things that is just necessary in a relationship. It can be a deal breaker if someone won't bend on issues that are important, and sobriety should be your #1.

Just talk with him. That is my advice, anyway.

My husband was a once in a while drinker when we met, and he wouldn't dare to even think about bringing alcohol into this house now. Seeing this alcoholic drinker in action was enough to bring the point home to him.

SoberCAH

My wife will drink 1/2 a glass of wine or a beer once every year or 2, whether she needs to or not, but she would never dream of doing it in my presence.


The first few years I was sober, I wasn't comfortable around alcohol, so I limited my exposure to it because I always err on the side of safety when it comes to my sobriety.

Now, though, we serve beer at the occasional party we will throw, and we keep it out in the garage for storage.

Personally, after being sober a good while, this doesn't bother me and alcohol doesn't interest me.

This is a very personal decision you need to make, but you can never, ever be too safe.

MIRecovery

My wife is a normie. She drinks if we or she goes out but we have a dry house. It is a small sacrifice for her but a huge benefit for me

totfit

My wife drinks a glass or wine just about every day. There is wine, beer, and even a bottle of Vodka. At one time it may have bothered me, but not now. If I am going to drink, I am going to drink. I think though that it is different strokes for different folks.

matt4x4

Can't hide from alcohol. Can't hide from life!

Soberpotamus

Matt, you might consider that "hiding" but I consider it being smart and preparing a plan. As time passes, we find we are able to approach these situations differently, and might be able to be around alcohol more. I am nearly 1.5 years sober and will not allow alcohol in this house. It is not a good idea for me to be alone with a bottle of wine. I am smart enough to know my weaknesses and prepare for them.

The way I see it, my house is under my control. When I walk into the street, or into a restaurant I am choosing to subject myself to whatever is there in that environment. Likewise, I choose not to bring alcohol into my home because that is my personal space.

Mrrryah1

I bet if you brought it up as a discussion - just to hear his thoughts - he might even say he has no problem living WITHOUT alcohol in the house! He sounds like a good guy. And normies are wierd like that. They can actually "take it or leave it".

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask at all.

If I had a peanut allergy I would expect my spouse to not bring peanuts into my house, even though he may enjoy the occasional PB&J here and there

silentrun

I am over a year and I would feel nervous about having it in the house. There was some beer here for a week until I found someone to give it to. Beer doesn't interest me as I drank whiskey. Left there long enough who knows? My husband drinks very rarely but he just buys a couple of those limarita's and there is none left after. It doesn't bother me when other people drink it is the thought of being alone with it that is probably a bad idea.. I honestly can't see myself ever wanting to drink again but I don't need a bottle of JD trying to whisper to me from the cupboard.
So asking him to keep the house dry and only bring in what he intends to drink for the night seems pretty reasonable.

Tamerua

My partner is a normie and had beer in the house, it doesn't bother me. But we've talked about it and we have agreed that if it ever starts to call my name, I'll let her know and she will remove it.

Redmayne

Guidance to the answer to this oft asked question is given in the book,'Alcoholics Anonymous' which suggests that if the primary reason for you to be anywhere, including your own home or be with some one, is anything but alcohol. Then there's no problem.

Of course the quality, not necessarily the length of your own sobriety helps.

If on the other hand, the reverse is true and the primary reason is alcohol, you should no only be there, but not even 100 miles of it!

It's a bit like Walter White said in 'Breaking Bad', "I'm not in any danger. I am the danger."

My life and my sobriety are the primary reason, including my being with anyone or being anywhere, I exist. Think of the consequences.

If that sounds selfish, it is because my recovery and sobriety is my ongoing responsibility, no one else can do it for me, you or anyone.

I hope this helps...

Dee74

Hi Penelope

To me the crux of the matter is here
Talk to your guy - unless he has issues himself it really shouldn't be a sacrifice.

My home has been 'dry' since I quit - it's my home. I have a right to feel comfortable there.

For those who say we have no right to insist how others conduct themselves, I repeat again - *it's my home*

D

Jupiters

I'm 3.5 months sober and my BF is a normal drinker. Right now, there is a bottle of whiskey in the apt. It doesn't bother me. He asks before he buys it if I am ok with it, I just have to tell him if I start to get uneasy. It hasn't bugged me at all, I have NO urge to drink. Whiskey isn't exactly my drink of choice either, if it were wine, that may be a bit different.
But like other posters have said, it's really up to you. This a personal choice that only you can make, only you know where you are at with sobriety.
If that bottle ever starts looking good to me, I have to tell him. My last bender scared the **** out of me, drinking is the last thing on earth I want to do. At least right now it is.

MesaMan

There's Alcohol and Pot here in this House. Da Wife partakes of both. However, she's cut way back on Alcohol. I'll take it. In this Pot-legal State, there's a plethora of Pot Strains for sale. Some is 'zippy', energizing Pot. So, it's not as if she's laying around like outta some 'Cheech & Chong' Skit. It reduces occasional pain from her dual Knee Replacement, and to partake 'again' was my suggestion. It beats her being in pain, and less of a Companion.

Yah, there's that Evening 1x/week when she cracks open a Bottle of Vino and I wish that weren't the case. However, in the scheme of Behaviors, I'm sure I used up plenty of 'favors' via my past Behaviors. So, it's my turn to tolerate a lil Alcohol occasionally in the House since it doesn't trigger me anymore. Indeed, the smell of Red Wine really knocks me back. Pundits here credibly suggest that these Booze-tolerating situations get easier over time, and I find that's true. So, no pain, no gain. I focus on the future...

There might be what I term 'A Third Way'. That is, there might be another option vs. 'have Booze in the House' and 'don't have Booze in the House'. Negotiate, but for a larger 'good' outcome.

IF your Boundaries permit, negotiate a loosey-goosey arrangement whereby Booze is occasionally OK to have in the House. In return, as his Buddies get married and there's gonna be boozy Receptions, or there's Family Events you HAVE to attend, what you receive in return is the right to take 2 Cars and bail out early on such Events. Or, pre-negotiate another other trade-off that's important for, and compatible with, your Sobriety.

Another aspect of all this has about nothing to do with Booze. These 'negotiations' set practical terms and guidelines for youse guyz handling future situations inevitable in your Relationship. It's 'Training Wheels' experience for how you amicably resolve differences.

jdooner

I have a wine cellar with roughly 600 bottles. I sold half and keep the remain for entertaining. Tonight I am entertaining and need buy beer for my guests that we are hosting. What is left over I will keep in the house for when my dad or other company comes over. Both beer and wine were not my triggers would not be my goto if I was to relapse. I don't keep any Vodka in the house and am fairly strict about that one. It was my DoC for both my wife and myself. I had tequila and Jack Daniels. I poured them out a couple months ago as I did not see the need to have them in the house.

We are all different. We all have different triggers. For me to drink I would have to undermine my program but convincing myself I am not an alcoholic and an addict. That would take much convincing and that is truly the only way I will drink. If I do that then whether its in the house or not in the house won't really matter at that point.

SoberCAH

When it comes to my sobriety (e.g. whether or when to be around alcohol), I make the rules.

I am content to solicit advice from the AA program, my sponsor and my AA friends, but anyone else is just a bystander to me, irrespective of whether I love them or not.

If I am not comfortable around alcohol, which is rare these days, I try to work with a newcomer.

LBrain

I skipped ahead to answer, sorry if this is a repeat:

You have less than a year. The question is really yours to answer. Do YOU feel comfortable? Are YOU tempted? You won't know this until you are home alone sometime and there is beer or wine there for the taking. If you feel you are able to control yourself, not have any urges or desires to drink what-so-ever, and it's a risk you are willing to take, then by all means...

You'll probably get the "wait a year before you get into a relationship" crowd piping in too.
Only you know yourself. Good luck with the new beau. Congrats on 11 months.

ESD907

I think if you spoke openly and told him you are just not sure. He would not want to bring it in the house. If a family member was diagnosed with lung cancer, you certainly wouldn't let anyone smoke in the home. Not much different. Or if you really want to make him comfortable, and he's in the mood for a beer, just have him buy one or two, consume it, and let that be the end of it.

wanttosucceed

my husband keeps his alcohol in a locked closet in our basement. Only he has a key for it. I'm ok with that.

Meraviglioso

I have found a comfortable solution with my boyfriend who is a normal drinker. My house is alcohol free for the times I am here alone. I don't want any alcohol stored or kept here.
When he comes for dinner or an evening we do not drink. If we have company for dinner we serve wine, beer or liquor but he buys it and brings it right before the event. I don't want it in the house if I am alone, even if it is just a few hours before guests arrive. After the conclusion of the dinner he takes all unconsumed alcohol with him.
If we go out to dinner at a restaurant he usually drinks and I am fine with that.