drinking again I joined SR almost 7 weeks ago and have really been struggling to stop drinking. My first attempt was 5days, then 8 and now 2 weeks before slipping again. I thought about staying off this site for a while. Or at least until I had something positive to report. When I am not drinking, I start feeling so good that my AV starts convincing me that I can handle just a few and that few turns into 3 or 4 nights of drinking. So ashamed that I keep repeating this. :c004: I have 4 beautiful young daughters who would be lost without me. Shouldn't that be enough to give this up? Why am I being so selfish? My relationship with their father is falling apart and I am not sure that I even want to be in it anymore. I have been unhappy in this relationship for years and tried to end things numerous times. He refuses to go, he loves his kids, loves me and thinks he can get me to love him again. We've drifted apart and I don't think we can get back what we once had. But he always cries and makes me feel sorry for him. So I give in and go back on the path of pretending. Maybe there's hope that the sober me could love him again. I could really use any kind of hope, encouragement, support, stories, advice..... I know I need to figure out a more positive way to deal with life. The stress sometimes gets overwhelming. I work full time, pay 90% of all the bills and anything else we need. I really want to stay sober and am definitely a much happier person when I am not drinking. I can't continue to let my AV sabotage that anymore. I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about my addiction so I continue coming to this website. I love knowing that there is so many going through this. Doesn't make me feel so alone. I don't want to keep hiding so that is why I came back on to confess. I am not giving up because I know that I can do this. |
Never give up deanyya!! :grouphug: I finally had to accept that I can't control alcohol, surrender that no matter how much abstinence I've had, it doesn't cure or fix me, that 1st drink will always end up the same way, my drinking spiralling as bad as ever!! You can do this!! :) |
I am grateful that my family did step in when they did to get me into rehab where I could find out why I was drinking, so unhappy in my marriage, and it's affects on myself and others around me. I needed to be educated about addiction and was glad I had the opportunity when I was 30 yrs. old, with 2 little ones about 3 and 6 and with about 8yrs married. Getting into recovery I became the best role model for my babies because when they began school I worried about peer pressure and its affects on them especially when it came to drugs or alcohol. My home was alcohol free and they had both parents to guide them, teach them, motivate them into the right direction and with me in recovery, I would be the one they could get first hand experience of what addiction can do to someone as well as recovery. Both are little adults now, on their own, living addiction free, happy, healthy prosperous lives which to me is absolutely a gift from Above. My 25 yr. marriage did end peacefully and both of us have remarried and have no contact with him. I grew and changed to become a healthier, happier, honest member in recovery, my marriage and in life itself. Marriages in recovery can be successful when both parties are practicing principles and steps of a recovery program, or counciling in order to remain healthy and happy together. My husband saw no need for either because he wasn't the sick one in the family and thus we had problems with communication and understanding causing us to separate. Do all there is needed in this marriage and if it doesn't work, take it to the next step to insure that you can live a healthy, happy life for you and ur daughters down the road. To be the best parent you can possibly be to them. :) |
Hi Deanyaa I hope your OK today. I’m as old as dirt and saber for awhile and kindly suggest heading out and finding some AA meetings. Plenty in Pontiac. I say this because with women working with women there is an easier communication path which helps us get and stay sober. It’s a place where we are understood if we said I’m in fear and want help. If you looked you might also find all womens meetings, it depends on your needs for now. The bottom line is try not to procrastinate and just don’t drink even if you want to. BE WELL |
Just keep trying I was the same couldn't stop 1 day here 3 days here in the end it just happened enough was enough You can do it it is always possible I'd like to meet a person who was alcoholic and gave up drinking on the first attempt we are called alcoholics for a reason ! |
Hi Deanyya, Obviously, I have no idea what the issues are in your relationship with your husband. But, it sounds like you don't "feel" like you love him anymore. My life really changed when I realized that love is a choice not a feeling. That's true love. The feelings will come and go. And I suspect that if you choose to love your husband, you'll get some of the feelings back. However, don't buy the Hollywood lie that your relationship needs the "good feelings" to be legitimate. You can make the choice to love your husband despite the feelings. It's what's best for you, your husband and your kids for sure. There are days when I really don't like my wife and she annoys me. I'm sure she "feels" the same way about me sometimes. But, it's the choice underneath the feelings that makes it worth it. Give it a try...you'll see. |
Originally Posted by deanyya
(Post 4832294)
I really want to stay sober and am definitely a much happier person when I am not drinking. I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about my addiction so I continue coming to this website. much happier when not drinking please keep coming back here to site and share and make friends maybe also consider AA we truly can relate with most of the ones there in those rooms M-Bob |
deanyya, stick around. i did much what you describe, until i didn't anymore. not being here, staying off this site when it's the one place you speak honestly about what's going on with you, would be the opposite of helpful, yes? don't give up, keep talking, keep connecting. use the place where you can be honest. add to it if you can, in face-to-face life. disappearing just adds isolation and more hiding. |
I was not happy in my marriage at the end of my drinking career and for the first year I was sober. Eventually as I started to heal those around me started to heal also. My drinking took a toll not only on me, but also on my marriage and my husband. I'm 3 1/2 years sober now and things are pretty good. I'm glad I got sober, focused on myself, and then worked on the marriage. Work on your sobriety, get some time under your belt, and then work on your marriage. One thing at a time worked best for me. It's hard to think clearly when your drinking or in the fog of early sobriety. Good luck! |
You CAN do this Denyya. I agree with some of the other posters about the hubby. Give yourself a chance to heal then see were you are at. |
Thank you everyone for your kind words, support, advice, thoughts, encouragement. ... It really means a lot to be able to talk to others who understand what I am going through. My relationship with hubby is improving. I feel I should give it another try while sober. Sober me and drunk me are nothing alike. Drinking causes me to think negatively. I hate having to admit this but I went to a car cruise Saturday night and decided I was going to drink and did. I have no excuses to drink, just my own stupidity that keeps doing this to myself. I need a better plan and I need to take action now. I appreciate SR and all of you:) I know I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I have asked hubby to give me a little time right now so I can get to know myself again and get sober and stay sober. I am now taking some time out for myself. |
plan and action....good thinking, deanyya. care to share a bit about what your better plan includes and what actions you're planning to take? |
I put my recovery at the top of my list of problems to work on. In fact, I cleared the list and had recovery as the ONLY thing to work on. I too felt my marriage was failing. But I decided that I wasn't going to worry about it, I was going to concentrate on getting sober. Everything else could wait. My marriage, all the other problems I had. Could wait. And actually, everything else did wait. After all, I wouldn't have been able to solve any of my problems anyway, drinking. It sounds like you have no program or a very limited one. I would definitely recommend a program. It can be anything, AA or RR, an outpatient, an addictions therapist. Or, you can do like I did; I did several things at once. I essentially threw everything into the recovery mix: I couldn't go on living the way I was living in chronic alcoholism, or, more accurately, existing. I didn't really live when I drank, just functioned. |
I keep telling myself that if I continue on slipping then I will have to force myself to go to an A A meeting. The thought of it does scare me just a little because I am a normally really quiet person and don't let to many people into my personal life. I tend to push people away:( Also thinking about maybe talking to a therapist. Because I really do hold so much inside. I've been writing in a journal to let some of this out. I have been going out doors more often. Walking and playing with the kids. . I still have a lot of planning to do. .I am always on line resourcing anything to do with alcoholism and recovery. Thanks everyone for your responses.Any help is greatly appreciated:) My actions for the moment are to focus on what I will do tomorrow to ensure I stay sober. I will not drink tonight. I have no desire to drink. And tonight I will spend it with the kids and hug them tight. They are my biggest motivation. |
Kids are a great motivator but if you know you have a problem go to the place that people with problems go.....AA. I assumed it was a bunch of skid row bums due to ignorance. I visited and discovered these are people from all walks of life. Accountants, nurses, construction workers, doctors, salespeople, etc....just go and listen for a while. Maybe you will discover that it is helpful for you. It can't hurt. Nervous about a visit and running into a neighbor? Go to one in a neighboring community. Don't like the people at the one you go to? Try a different group. Give it a shot and learn the methods that can relieve the obsession of a drink. If you think it is for crackpots with real problems after a few visits then no harm you spent a few hours doing some sober research. Good luck! My kids have benefitted from AA though they have never been. |
I was a shy one too going to AA meetings for a long long time. I had the opportunity, not by choice tho, to enter recovery thru rehab for 28 days. Thru intervention I was order by the court into rehab where I look back on that time in my life 24 yrs ago, and am very grateful for the experience that helped me learn about my addiction and receive a program of recovery to incorporate in my everyday life. When I returned home from rehab, my husband had removed all traces of alcohol in our home so there would be no temptation to pick up as I would go thru changes in myself. I went to many of those meeting to learn from others how they had stayed sober for a many one days at a time. I hardly ever spoke but im sure folks were keeping an eye on me as I continue to suit up and show up to so many different meetings. Before I knew it I had about 7 yrs sobriety before my little family relocated to Houston. That saddened me because I was just beginning to get comfortable in the fellowship that took me so long to get and then had to leave. However, I never forgot my wonderful friends and yrs later did return to them, but now there were many new faces beginning their journey just as I had yrs ago. I was also a mom with 2 little ones when I began my journey and felt like I wouldn't have anything in common with many of those already in recovery. However, I wanted and needed to remain sober not only for me but for everything else in my life. I went, brought baked goodies, hide out many times in meetings to not be called on, then offered to read something at the beginning of the meetings, said thank yous to folks and returned to my little family day in and day out till I began to understand what being sober with a program of recovery to help meant. I continue on my journey today still following all those steps and using all those awesome tools I learned to remain sober, healthy and happy just by passing on what my life was like before during and after alcohol. To give hope to those scared and confused that you can achieve a strong solid recovery foundation to live upon just by incorporating a program of recovery in ur everyday life. :) |
:tyou.thank you for your responses. I go on vacation from work for one week August 30-6. Plan on my last drink being with my sister on her wedding. I hate to admit that I have been using that as a excuse to keep drinking in the moment. I really am so ready to give this up.... Already committed to give everything up 100% as of September 7. No more excuses. I will make an appointment with AA. I obviously can't do this alone. :tyou .. |
Because of you guys I know can see that AA could definitely work for me. I need some kind of structure. I was raised Catholic but this addiction has robbed me of any hope at all:react |
I was raised Catholic as well, however, having that gift of Faith I was raised on it has strengthened my spiritual part of my recovery. I never blamed God for any of my failures thru life and my addiction. I at first wondered why I was chosen to be cursed with this addiction and over time realized and learned that addiction is an illness and sickness that affects millions of people. However, we are blessed with a program of recovery that doesn't cost anything to listen and learn from others who learned themselves how to remain sober for long periods of time. I listened, learned, absorbed and applied many useful tools provided to us in recovery to remain sober for a many one days at a time to get me where I am today. The spiritual part of my program guides me to be open and honest in all my affairs and realize I do have a purpose in life. I feel like I am sober for a reason. Sober with a program of recovery to pass on to those that will follow behind me as they begin their own recovery journey. Just like im doing here in SR. How are folks to know recovery works if members like me and countless others don't share our ESH, experiences, strengths and hopes of what our life was and is like before, during and after our addiction to the new member coming into recovery. We have to carry the torch of recovery so others have hope that if we can stay sober a day at a time using a program of recovery as a guideline then they can too and live a life worth living for. That's why we have many useful sayings in recovery to learn and use for our own benefit just like this one..... Pass It On..!! :) |
You don't need an appointment to go to AAjust look up the meetings in your area and turn up at one. If you are nervous about going alone,call your local AA helpline. |
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