zerothehero

Just curious if others are having this experience:

In recent months my recovery, in particular a sense of gratitude, some spiritual awakening (if you want to call it that), meditation and mindfulness work have led me to be A LOT more grounded, less angry, more at peace, and just kind of walking the middle way. My mood swings are much reduced.

I have had people close to me say I've changed (some know I quit drinking others not necessarily) and that they seem annoyed that I've "lost my edge" because I'm not complaining, don't feel like I could explode, and stuff that used to get to me just seems to slide off me. Oddly, some people don't like that I've mellowed so.

Anybody out there get complaints from people that you seem TOO calm and happy?

desypete

it took me over 2 years to find out that i can accept a lot more things in life without being angry or getting hurt personally from things that i can not control

doesnt mean i am cured of this behavior as i can still react at times when something catches me out
normaly a new experience that i dont know how to handle but lucky for me i have a sponsor who will certainly put me right or i go to a meeting and others will share there own experience with me till i can see it myself

all in all its a new way to live so long as i at least try to reach out for the help that is out there
if not then i will sit in my own misery and stuck in that twisted thinking
i know what peace feels like and i know what walking about with a huge knot inside of me that i can not get rid of feels
so i dont try to hang on to that knot for any longer than needs be

the result is others notice i dont tend to fly off the handle or there able to talk to me without me taking it over etc

i never want to go back to early years of trying to learn how to let go of things etc there just so dam painful
but that doesnt mean today i might not get all flustered over things and revert back to type its just i notice if i am doing it a lot quicker so get rid quickly : )

PurpleKnight

Yeah people have noted that I'm less stressed these days, more laid back than I used to be, another benefit of Sobriety!!

Aellyce

Ha! Yes I also got complaints from several people with whom I was in close touch during the past several years, stating that I've become "too normal" or that I am not as "intriguing" anymore. I usually joke with them, go and check out the psych ward you will find new entertainment and thanks for the compliment!

Great work, Zero!

zerothehero

Pete, I don't want to mislead anyone and try to come across like I'm some kind of zen master or something. I definitely have my moments.

I think I was perceived as having kind of a "punk" persona (even though I'm in my 50's). I guess part of this comes from playing music. People maybe think I'm just getting old, but I don't think it's about age. It wasn't long ago I would thrash out punk tunes, and I can still do it if asked, but I'm just not feeling it. Even my writing is less about angst and more about leaving that behind and moving forward.

I like your attitude, haennie. As a performer and a human being I guess I want to be somewhat "intriguing," but it seems more like I'm being judged on a surface level. I think I am improving as a musician and as a human being. If they don't agree I guess that's not my concern. It's not like I'm trying to make a living at either, and I got a new job...

Aellyce

Well, if your own preferences for music and style have also changed, perhaps you could just change your audience and the type of venues where you perform?

I am not a performer in a similar sense but I do find that I'm attracted to different kinds of people now. Not hugely different, but people who are mentally healthy and relatively relaxed, vs. all the complicated "problem characters" when I was younger. So the kind of people who used to be drawn to me because of my eccentric personality and lifestyle, who were looking for "someone different", are also quite out of my radar now.

So what I am saying: we change ourselves, why not change our company and audience?

Oh, and congrats on the new job!!!! That's fantastic!!

Rosalba

I'm here for the 'Friends and Family' section of the forum and drinking per se has never been an issue. However, I had a very troubled adolescence - self-harming, eating disorder, suicide attempts - and went into therapy, which I found very helpful, and made progress quite quickly.

I found that some of my 'friends' subtly jeopardised my recovery, and there were a few people I needed to leave behind for my own sanity. In later life I found out that this isn't unusual; people around us become accustomed to us behaving or responding in a certain way, and can get uncomfortable when it doesn't happen. I found this particularly with people who used to be able to count on me for a good old moan!

I was particularly advised not to look to my dysfunctional family of origin for support - though at the same time I had some very useful tips for being able to relate to them without getting sucked into the games.