23 hours and still alive
Sweet, yet, Deadly
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Rock Hill
Posts: 40
:dead1:
I had something happen last night and i am really mad at myself. i was sitting at home.. this would be close to 36hours of being clean, and then i got up, without thinking and popped open a pack of pills. looked at them and then swallowed them all. i had the worst body trip i could have ever imagined. is this normal? low tolerance after being clean for such a short time? i sat there and i cried and cried. i didnt know what to do, so i went to bed, and then the nightmares... OH THE NIGHTMARES! i drempt that i was back with my ex husband! this could also be because of this guy at work who everytime he is even 10 feet near me
, i feel awkward, like i did with my ex. it was an unconfortable feeling mixed with doubt and uncertainty... but more over.. it reminded me of when i was heavier into the things i am trying to stay away from. i just really need some support and advice.
also....
i am going a little crazy i think.
i pulled one of the kitchen chairs against a wall last night and just sat there... no reason at all... just sat. rocked and sat. started to feel dizzy and then when i got up, i feel right back down. i didnt move. i was laying in a heap in the middle of the floor, and i did not care. for the first time in my life... i did not care. i was not sure whether i was happy, relaxed, clam, moody, mad, in pain, in torment... i didnt feel any one thing.. it was like 50 all rolled into one.
this must be what the bottom looks like....
I had something happen last night and i am really mad at myself. i was sitting at home.. this would be close to 36hours of being clean, and then i got up, without thinking and popped open a pack of pills. looked at them and then swallowed them all. i had the worst body trip i could have ever imagined. is this normal? low tolerance after being clean for such a short time? i sat there and i cried and cried. i didnt know what to do, so i went to bed, and then the nightmares... OH THE NIGHTMARES! i drempt that i was back with my ex husband! this could also be because of this guy at work who everytime he is even 10 feet near me
, i feel awkward, like i did with my ex. it was an unconfortable feeling mixed with doubt and uncertainty... but more over.. it reminded me of when i was heavier into the things i am trying to stay away from. i just really need some support and advice. also....
i am going a little crazy i think.
i pulled one of the kitchen chairs against a wall last night and just sat there... no reason at all... just sat. rocked and sat. started to feel dizzy and then when i got up, i feel right back down. i didnt move. i was laying in a heap in the middle of the floor, and i did not care. for the first time in my life... i did not care. i was not sure whether i was happy, relaxed, clam, moody, mad, in pain, in torment... i didnt feel any one thing.. it was like 50 all rolled into one.
this must be what the bottom looks like....
Still hangin` on...
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: MA
Posts: 337
((((((((((((((fidget)))))))))))))))
Listen, Dont beat yourself up!!! I had many times when on impulse I used.
Didnt make a bad person--but I felt like one. We go back because thats what we do. It doesnt have to be that way. Today is day 36 for me! And believe me--It wasnt easy! But Im telling you that I feel better than I ever felt in my life! In such a short time(well-in addict time 36 days is an eternaty!) I realized that I dont have to use--NO MATTER WHAT! Do you have a support system? Do you go to meetings? I read that you took pills. What kind? Because getting off certain ones is very dangerous!!! Think about seeing your doctor and being honest. Hang in there. And PRAY! And keep posting. Great support here!
Love,
Ann
Didnt make a bad person--but I felt like one. We go back because thats what we do. It doesnt have to be that way. Today is day 36 for me! And believe me--It wasnt easy! But Im telling you that I feel better than I ever felt in my life! In such a short time(well-in addict time 36 days is an eternaty!) I realized that I dont have to use--NO MATTER WHAT! Do you have a support system? Do you go to meetings? I read that you took pills. What kind? Because getting off certain ones is very dangerous!!! Think about seeing your doctor and being honest. Hang in there. And PRAY! And keep posting. Great support here!
Love,
Ann
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