I feel like drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: St. Paul, MN
Posts: 2
I feel like drinking
Hi this is my first post. I've been sober now 6 years (ever since I was 16) and right now I feel very close to drinking again. Every weekend I'm out to the bars with my friends who drink and often get drunk. I go with them because I like to meet people especially women and it's better than staying home doing nothing except isolating which is sometimes worse IMO than going out. I tried to go to young peoples groups to meet people my age and make sober friends and participate in sober activities but, excuse my langauge, they are complete assholes to me and give me a treatment as if they wouldn't give me the time of day.
My sobriety is so hard right now because I've strayed so far from the crap situation I used to be in, and now I'm in college where it's almost impossible to stay away from booze since everyone drinks and often drinks hard. Every time I've gone out with my friends they've respected my sobriety for the most part although many of them would like me to drink with them just so I can be more part of the group; however, I feel often like an outsider and sometimes I do part with them when they go to keggers or big drinking parties.
I know it's not conducive for my sobriety to hang out with these guys, but anyone who's sober and active in their sobriety won't hang out with me, at least one's who have a similar lifestyle and are around my age, because they just don't like me (I don't know why, I think I'm an interesting fella and a nice guy). My friends who drink do respect me, I've been friends with them ever since I was very young, even though sometimes they want me to drink with them but never force alcohol on me.
I really want to date too but I can never get the balls to talk to women yet when my friends drink they open up and are able to talk to women (at least from my view). I also have a lot of stresses in my life managing school and work. So I guess along with the fact that I want to be more involved with my friends, these are the reasons I feel like drinking again.
I haven't fully done a program. I'll be honest-I'm lazy. I haven't gotten past step 7-I just don't have the discipline and drive. I can never keep a homegroup since my school and work schedule constantly changes. I often find meetings boring and sometimes just don't have the patience to go to them. I do have a sponsor and I talk to him regularly but sometimes it doesn't help so much especially since he talked to me once about some political views which radically conflicted with mine. I don't know, hopefully I made sense with this rant, I just feel really depressed and want to be more involved with my buds I guess
My sobriety is so hard right now because I've strayed so far from the crap situation I used to be in, and now I'm in college where it's almost impossible to stay away from booze since everyone drinks and often drinks hard. Every time I've gone out with my friends they've respected my sobriety for the most part although many of them would like me to drink with them just so I can be more part of the group; however, I feel often like an outsider and sometimes I do part with them when they go to keggers or big drinking parties.
I know it's not conducive for my sobriety to hang out with these guys, but anyone who's sober and active in their sobriety won't hang out with me, at least one's who have a similar lifestyle and are around my age, because they just don't like me (I don't know why, I think I'm an interesting fella and a nice guy). My friends who drink do respect me, I've been friends with them ever since I was very young, even though sometimes they want me to drink with them but never force alcohol on me.
I really want to date too but I can never get the balls to talk to women yet when my friends drink they open up and are able to talk to women (at least from my view). I also have a lot of stresses in my life managing school and work. So I guess along with the fact that I want to be more involved with my friends, these are the reasons I feel like drinking again.
I haven't fully done a program. I'll be honest-I'm lazy. I haven't gotten past step 7-I just don't have the discipline and drive. I can never keep a homegroup since my school and work schedule constantly changes. I often find meetings boring and sometimes just don't have the patience to go to them. I do have a sponsor and I talk to him regularly but sometimes it doesn't help so much especially since he talked to me once about some political views which radically conflicted with mine. I don't know, hopefully I made sense with this rant, I just feel really depressed and want to be more involved with my buds I guess
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
Jamie,
Do you go to AA or NA? Believe it or not, you might find yourself more welcome in NA. If you haven't already, I'd give it a try.
I identify with this SO much! I am very independent-minded and kind of out-there politically and socially, so I find myself at odds frequently with others in the program, including my sponsor. But I have to remember that my self-will and independence got me in a LOT of trouble, so I try to be tolerant, accepting, and open-minded, and I keep it on recovery and not politics.
Sometimes this makes me feel like I've sold out, but then I realize that these people are saving my life and I may be helping to save theirs and political differences fade into the background where they probably belong. I struggle alot with feeling "apart from" and different from my 12-Step friends and often long to go back to hanging out with my old friends.
And I can do that IF I'm feeling solid in my recovery and I take someone with me as "backup." Doesn't sound like that's where you are. It sounds like you're romanticizing the drinking scene to me. Don't EVER forget what drinking gets YOU! You can make friends and meet women in recovery. Maybe you need another sponsor that you feel more at ease with. Maybe try some different meetings.
I wish you the best! Feel free to PM me if you like.
Love, Eddie
Do you go to AA or NA? Believe it or not, you might find yourself more welcome in NA. If you haven't already, I'd give it a try.
I talk to him regularly but sometimes it doesn't help so much especially since he talked to me once about some political views which radically conflicted with mine.
Sometimes this makes me feel like I've sold out, but then I realize that these people are saving my life and I may be helping to save theirs and political differences fade into the background where they probably belong. I struggle alot with feeling "apart from" and different from my 12-Step friends and often long to go back to hanging out with my old friends.
And I can do that IF I'm feeling solid in my recovery and I take someone with me as "backup." Doesn't sound like that's where you are. It sounds like you're romanticizing the drinking scene to me. Don't EVER forget what drinking gets YOU! You can make friends and meet women in recovery. Maybe you need another sponsor that you feel more at ease with. Maybe try some different meetings.
I wish you the best! Feel free to PM me if you like.
Love, Eddie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey Jamie...
Welcome to SR...
Hmmm... bit of a dilema eh?
The part that really sucks is that the notion of drinking all makes good sense eh?
Just a little light... social... "lets just have fun" drinky poo... or two.. or 10. I mean.. where does one draw the line? I drink this time... but not the next time? I quit easy before... I can do it again?
I bet there's things about drinking you don't miss eh?
The hangover? ; )
Blowing cash on it?
Vomiting?
Doing things you regret the next day?
The part I like about drinking is the anticipation. And the first drink.
After that... it takes on a life of its own.. and it's taken me places I don't like to think about...
But.. maybe your different.
You might want to try a little experiment before you go back out and drink though. How about attending a few AA meetings.. and listen to where you COULD end up. If you still want to drink after that... at least it'll be with your eyes wide open... ; )
I'm praying for clarity for you Jamie... and peace of mind around not drinking...
Welcome to SR...
Hmmm... bit of a dilema eh?
The part that really sucks is that the notion of drinking all makes good sense eh?
Just a little light... social... "lets just have fun" drinky poo... or two.. or 10. I mean.. where does one draw the line? I drink this time... but not the next time? I quit easy before... I can do it again?
I bet there's things about drinking you don't miss eh?
The hangover? ; )
Blowing cash on it?
Vomiting?
Doing things you regret the next day?
The part I like about drinking is the anticipation. And the first drink.
After that... it takes on a life of its own.. and it's taken me places I don't like to think about...
But.. maybe your different.
You might want to try a little experiment before you go back out and drink though. How about attending a few AA meetings.. and listen to where you COULD end up. If you still want to drink after that... at least it'll be with your eyes wide open... ; )
I'm praying for clarity for you Jamie... and peace of mind around not drinking...
Late stage optimist
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 306
Jamie, I want to make sure I understand you. It is not how you tell us, but more how we "filter" the information, so if I am incorrect in any assumptions, I apologize in advance and please reply and correct me if necessary.
I was a drunk and drug addict all thru college and law school. I did not have the courage to stop during that time. I felt like I needed alcohol and to a lesser extent some drugs to deal with everything. Most of it was my own doing, not what was going on with my friends, however. I felt like I was out of place and that drinking put me "in place" with the crowd. The real problem with me was that I had a low opinion of myself, I just was not able to see it myself until many years later with the help of a therapist and some friends.
When I learned to live alone and not feel lonely, I really started going somewhere in life socially. I learned to love myself. Sounds trite, but it does take a lot of work, and years of practicing things. Things like changing internal self talk about oneself. Years of saying the same things to oneself means it takes a while to change it. When I changed, I was more comfortable around women (and men) and was able to show a real self to folks instead of the "ideal image" I had in my mind that was totally unobtainable (and when I did not measure up I felt lower than whale sh*t). The drinking and drugs were merely a symptom of my disease, and quitting was only a first step. There was a lot more work to do.
I read between your lines, and I see a man who partly longs to just "cash out" and go back to his old ways of drinking, and who partly longs to realize the "payoff" or jackpot others appear to be reaching in sobriety. Yes, a program is the price you pay to get there. We all have work to do on our insides, in order to feel comfortable with others and our outside situations we encounter day to day. The easy way is to just go back to old habits, but it sounds like you know that does not work.
I did not even get to where you are when I was in college. You are farther than I was. I guarantee you do not have to drink to feel cool or have fun in college. If your pals accept you for who you are, then they place no value on whether you drink. As for making friends with others such as those already in sobriety, that comes but it has more to do with your own changes than it does with them. Stop focusing on what others think, it only drives you to try to act in ways to "make" people like you, which never works out right. Focusing on others and whether they accept you is part of having a false or "ideal" self image. Somewhere in your past you learned to focus on what others felt about you instead of placing the most value on your own self evaluation. Follow your gut and your heart. Like I said, once you really love yourself you know where you are going and you no longer focus on what you think others think about you.
Hang in there, braddah! :boat
I was a drunk and drug addict all thru college and law school. I did not have the courage to stop during that time. I felt like I needed alcohol and to a lesser extent some drugs to deal with everything. Most of it was my own doing, not what was going on with my friends, however. I felt like I was out of place and that drinking put me "in place" with the crowd. The real problem with me was that I had a low opinion of myself, I just was not able to see it myself until many years later with the help of a therapist and some friends.
When I learned to live alone and not feel lonely, I really started going somewhere in life socially. I learned to love myself. Sounds trite, but it does take a lot of work, and years of practicing things. Things like changing internal self talk about oneself. Years of saying the same things to oneself means it takes a while to change it. When I changed, I was more comfortable around women (and men) and was able to show a real self to folks instead of the "ideal image" I had in my mind that was totally unobtainable (and when I did not measure up I felt lower than whale sh*t). The drinking and drugs were merely a symptom of my disease, and quitting was only a first step. There was a lot more work to do.
I read between your lines, and I see a man who partly longs to just "cash out" and go back to his old ways of drinking, and who partly longs to realize the "payoff" or jackpot others appear to be reaching in sobriety. Yes, a program is the price you pay to get there. We all have work to do on our insides, in order to feel comfortable with others and our outside situations we encounter day to day. The easy way is to just go back to old habits, but it sounds like you know that does not work.
I did not even get to where you are when I was in college. You are farther than I was. I guarantee you do not have to drink to feel cool or have fun in college. If your pals accept you for who you are, then they place no value on whether you drink. As for making friends with others such as those already in sobriety, that comes but it has more to do with your own changes than it does with them. Stop focusing on what others think, it only drives you to try to act in ways to "make" people like you, which never works out right. Focusing on others and whether they accept you is part of having a false or "ideal" self image. Somewhere in your past you learned to focus on what others felt about you instead of placing the most value on your own self evaluation. Follow your gut and your heart. Like I said, once you really love yourself you know where you are going and you no longer focus on what you think others think about you.
Hang in there, braddah! :boat
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: St. Paul, MN
Posts: 2
thanks everyone, those posts were like much more than I could ask for. I'm still sober today and I really don't feel like drinking. In terms of my attitude, I drank and used drugs because I hated the world and myself-using drugs at least made it fun and bearable for me. I quit drinking and drugging because I wanted to improve myself and do my part to make the world better. I still, however, have not been able to be content with myself, I always think my life could be better. I have trouble making new friends in general-I always hang out with my friends who I've described before because they know me inside and out and accept me as that. I don't know why but I just don't how to make buds with people that don't drink. I've made friends in AA and NA but all of them are older and not someone I can go out with on a friday night. The ones' my age, they won't even give me the time of day even though we're at a meeting. But in a way though it is my attitudes towards others like you guys said, but I just don't know how and I'm fearful of becoming friends with new people.
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
((((Jamie)))),
I'm really glad you didn't drink! I don't know what else to say except that I sympathize alot as I think I said before. I don't how to start new friendships very well either and am much more content around people who drink. BUT...I'm working on it! That's all for now, I guess. Keep coming back!
Love, Eddie
I'm really glad you didn't drink! I don't know what else to say except that I sympathize alot as I think I said before. I don't how to start new friendships very well either and am much more content around people who drink. BUT...I'm working on it! That's all for now, I guess. Keep coming back!
Love, Eddie
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Jamie...
There's a quote by Mark Twain that I think says it all...
"You go to Heaven for the climate....
And Hell for the company... " ; )
If your using friends accept your abstinant ways... then you might as well relax and watch the show...
At least they'll know where to go when they decide they have a problem with substance abuse.
Keep on keepin on Jamie...
Glad you dropped back in.
There's a quote by Mark Twain that I think says it all...
"You go to Heaven for the climate....
And Hell for the company... " ; )
If your using friends accept your abstinant ways... then you might as well relax and watch the show...
At least they'll know where to go when they decide they have a problem with substance abuse.
Keep on keepin on Jamie...
Glad you dropped back in.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Elmira New York
Posts: 2
jamie,
we all have times we want to drink. life gets complicated, stresses weigh more heavily than usual. I've been to family functions lately where everyone gets together and looks so happy with that glass of wine or beer. It makes me want to join them, and I truely know the meaning of one day at a time. I hope you say to yourself "this too shall pass", it will. Hang in there buddy. You've made good choices before and your being faced with making them again. Be selfish and do what's best for you. Good luck
sewcrazee
we all have times we want to drink. life gets complicated, stresses weigh more heavily than usual. I've been to family functions lately where everyone gets together and looks so happy with that glass of wine or beer. It makes me want to join them, and I truely know the meaning of one day at a time. I hope you say to yourself "this too shall pass", it will. Hang in there buddy. You've made good choices before and your being faced with making them again. Be selfish and do what's best for you. Good luck
sewcrazee
>>>>>>> Huh ?<<<<<<<
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Grafton, WI
Posts: 9
Wow..I logged on BEFORE walking to the liquor store.15 minutes ago ANGER and FRUSTRATION.Im powerless over a situation that was my screw up.I felt like setting my head on fire.And extinguishing it with a hammer.I really wanted to break something.And for that fleeting moment I really thought some numbing was in order.I needed those previous blogs.My blood pressure just went down after a very loud Serenity Prayer.And a few minutes of reading.It seems that in the last few months my peace is being challenged.I know full well the ramifications of that next drink.I need to use the tools that are the program....Yes Im still pissed at myself.But hell its ONLY money.When I use my head.And think back to ALL the cash Ive spent in the last 25 years.This is not even a drop in the sea...But Im still going to kick myself..Chalk it up to another lesson learned.I make mistakes.And even though I KNOW EVERYTHING.I need to get a big dose of humility to teach me how stupid I really am....I love you guys... I wish you another 24.....With that I shall pass...I feel a LOT better!!
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