question

Old 03-20-2014, 02:54 PM
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question

I feel a little silly bringing this up, but it's been bugging me for a long time, so I figured, why not?

For a very long time, I have been dealing with being EXTREMELY self-conscience. Like today, it can affect my entire day. I had to do some food shopping after work, and it took everything to just walk into the store. It's even hard at times, to go to a meeting. All I want to do when it is real bad like today, is get home as quick as I can. I have drank over this problem many times, just to be able to relax and forget me, if that makes sense. I figure, if something is getting in the way of my sobriety, it's worth bringing up. So, does anybody have any ideas on how to deal with this? It really gets in my way of just enjoying life.
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Old 03-20-2014, 03:12 PM
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I can't offer advice, but my sister is plagued by the same thing (she's not a drinker though). She can't put on a pair of pants or a blouse without worrying what other people might think. She's afraid to smile, thinking people are looking at her teeth (which are fine, by the way). She tortures her self about it. I try to tell her, most people aren't focused you...they are too busy worrying about what you are thinking about them.

Didn't seem to help her. I've suggested therapy. Maybe that would help you.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:36 PM
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I second the suggestion of counseling of some sort. It helps to get feedback from a "third party" not related to you.
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:37 PM
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I had the same anxiety for years - counselling really helped me too 2much

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Old 03-21-2014, 03:29 AM
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Thanks guys for your feedback. I used to go to a therapist many years ago, but figured that by now, I shouldn't need one. Guess I was wrong. I'll look into it.
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Old 03-21-2014, 04:07 AM
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I am sort of the mindset that we can always use someone to talk to. I believe that is really all a therapist is there for, to listen and provide some perspective in a safe environment. If I could afford to go everyday I would.
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Old 03-21-2014, 05:59 PM
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For me, such experiences were a mixed bag of anxieties, projections, self-esteem issues, self-centeredness and.... wait for it.... JUSTIFIED FEARS run amok.

Therapy made all the difference. As well, re-learning how to see myself as successfully living without drinking as my go-to relief from what ailed me also went a long way to help me get past all the above issues.

When we attempt to face ourselves while distracted with internal stresses, we can often see our external behaviors also come under stress. This happening is a red flag moment. Things will only get worse if we allow ourselves to just same old same old. For me, taking action is always best to remedy such stresses. Good to hear your interested in a return to therapy. You know, since your aware enough to realise what is going on, i'm sure therapy will help you discover the direct causes of your present extremes and associated troubles with being overly self-conscience.
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Old 03-22-2014, 06:59 AM
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my self centeredness was addressed through working those 12 steps.
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Old 03-22-2014, 08:43 AM
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I wonder..

Now that's odd, I wonder if it's the same as me finding that when I became sober, over six years ago now. I suddenly found I'd become invisible and was no longer attractive to women.

The situation has worsened recently, especially when waiting at automated pedestrian crossings, when I'm often joined by partially disabled me with walking sticks. Who mutter unintelligible things and then despite their impediment , when the lights change in our favor, cross the road at lightening peed ahead of me.

Where hey're met by attractive, smiling women, eager for their company.

This is disturbing the serenity and self confidence, found in my sobriety that I wonder f I shouldn't start drinking again?

I sympathize with your predicament...and unlike me, hope you regain your confidence.
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Old 03-22-2014, 09:54 AM
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Going to agree with Sugarbear here

My instant and intuitive response to reading your post was that's untreated alcoholism, particularly the ISM bit. I say that because that self-consciousness relents for me when I'm making use of the principles of the program, and gets correspondingly worse when I don't.

Am also an advocate of therapy so it's not to say this can't resolve what you describe. My experience however is that the route therapy offers to exploring I/Self/Me is usually more sophisticated and for me has been more usefully applied when I'm spiritually on an even(ish ) keel.

And far from being silly, it's a great insight, and am glad you shared it

Wish you well
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Old 03-22-2014, 12:00 PM
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Redmayen

Congrats on six years!! That's amazing. I'm sure I don't need to tell you that drinking again isn't going to help you to deal with what you are going through. I hope you can find a sober way to regain confidence in yourself. Just once, I'd like to feel the confidence other people seem to have. Must be a great feeling to be that sure of yourself. I'm sure you can relate to this. Please take care of yourself and stay STRONG.
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Old 03-24-2014, 01:20 AM
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Thanks for sharing. Self addiction is another problem. I've experienced it. Awful it is awful. Not sure if therapy is always the answer. Certainly, I don't have the answer and you are not silly. I'm glad you brought it up.

Real growth is about…

Experiencing a greater intimacy with life and a deeper passion for it.
A new level of understanding; moving past a plateau.
Liberation, not confinement.
Fluidity, intuition, organics, naturalness.
The present moment.
Starting from a place of wholeness.
Accepting the reality of the situation as-it-is.
Healing.
Not being overly positive (denial) or overly negative (nihilistic).
Real life, including all the warts, imperfections, blemishes, and scars.
Accepting the things you don’t like; and upon realizing that you want to change them, facing them head on.
Not simply swallowing a “think positive” placebo (denial).
Community. Growth does not happen in a vacuum. It is supported by those around you, and your growth has a positive impact on your immediate circle, your community, and the world.
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Old 03-24-2014, 01:48 AM
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I do this a lot.

Someone glances my way and I think: "**** - why did he/she look at me? Did they see me do something stupid when I was drunk? Do I look like **** today? Did I sleep with him and not remember? WHY THE F*** IS THIS PERSON LOOKING AT ME?"

By the time I have gone through this thought process, the person has long stopped looking at me.

I'm trying to look at it more positively - maybe they think my purse is cute, maybe they noticed I blew out my hair today etc

But often, I suspect, the truth is what was said above - they glanced at you but didn't even register it because they are too busy thinking about their own lives.
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Old 03-24-2014, 05:47 AM
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If I feel self-conscious, I try and remember that other people are just as stuck in their own heads as I am. I try and remind myself that everyone has their own hang-ups and insecurities, and that I am really not all that important that anyone is focusing on me.
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Old 03-26-2014, 08:57 AM
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church single groups
are a good safe place for a lonely ones to hang out

I met a lot of nice people there years ago when I was single

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Old 03-26-2014, 01:46 PM
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Talk about being critical of yourself. Today, I HATE MYSELF!!!! This would of been a perfect day to pick up a six-pack and just forget the day. I made a stupid mistake today at work, that affected someone else. I was able to talk to the person later in the day, but she was very upset. I can live with making a mistake or doing something dumb if it doesn't affect someone else, but when I do it, and it hurts someone else's feelings, I have a real hard time forgiving myself. Just wanted to get this off my chest. I'm home with no six-pack, so I'm fine. But to be honest, that six-pack would of been nice.
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Old 03-26-2014, 02:58 PM
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Take it easy on yourself 2much

Everyone makes mistakes. Ironically, the more mistakes we get used to making, the easier it becomes to take it lightly, and not be too hard on ourselves. The aim for me is not striving never to do anything 'wrong' (not possible, and anyway that is usually where lots of good learning comes from) but in getting used to the fact that mistakes, half-arsed attempts at something, happen all the time. It's just life, and it helps me learn what I might do differently in a similar situation next time around, and relax a little....

for me, the experience you describe has been an ongoing process of letting go of the wish to be perfect. I never was, and never will be perfect. I very much wish you the same ;-)

Glad you got home safe and sound. Be kind to yourself.
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Old 03-26-2014, 03:16 PM
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Hey 2much - you made an honest mistake and you've tried your best to make it right.
No shame there - I think you've handled this well

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Old 03-26-2014, 03:36 PM
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Hey 2much...that fact that you are here, still talking instead of hanging out with that 6 pack is a good thing!

I agree with the therapy advice...talking to someone who knows more about these things and has a different perspective can be awesome. One piece of advice I got when i was getting clean was the power of positive self talk. Affirmations, mantras...call them what you will. Just look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a compliment...out loud...and then say thank you! It sounds a bit nuts, but if you do it regularly, it starts to have more power than the negative stuff in your head!

I hope this helps!

Jamie
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Old 03-26-2014, 04:24 PM
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Thanks for your feedback guys. Really appreciate it. It's nice to be able to come home after a tough day and spend time on SR, instead of just sitting around spending time in my head, beating up on myself. You guys are great.
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