stud0134

Im haveing problems forgiving certain people.Ive got 1 in paticular person that Ive got alot of love and hate and its been messin with me through out my whole recovery.now when I decided to get sober My girlfriend left me three week in recovery I was in a rehab now at first I was just doing it for her then after she left me I crashed into total depresion but I foung got ( a higher power).
and that helped alot and going to meeting help,but 10 months later I find my self trying to forgive her ,And I tell my self I forgive her and give It to god.But I guess Im not doing something right becouse I still have resentment deep down that seem to be etched in my heart,And it keeps me unhappy.evrything else in my life is awsome but that 1 thing is eating me alive.any advice would be appriciated.

best

You say you found God.. Has God forgiven you? Yes if you have asked Him for forgiveness. If He has forgiven you...you should forgive yourself as well.
As to forgiveness of others, many bible verses come to mind. Read God's word and with prayer asking for His love to fill you...I know you will find the forgiveness for others. Yes I say unto you… love even your enemies.
To love someone doesn’t mean you want to have him or her over to dinner. The love for others would be a hope for their best interest. The joy and forgiveness you have found in seeking God, to pray that others find that same peace would be of that love.
Rather then me say… just go live in a cave and get away from me. My thoughts and prayers should be… It would be so nice for you to find and understand what I know of God, as I pray for a change of heart in us “both.�
So to find forgiveness for her… try praying and ask God to guide your heart.

stud0134

thank you best I will try that if anyone else has any feed back I could use all the feedback I can get please.

namommy

Stud,

forgiveness will also come in time as you work the steps. You will recognize your resentments and talk about them in step 4 and 5. Work on your defects and shortcomings in step 6 and 7, so you can more humbly accept your life and make amends. and in step 8 and 9, you will learn about forgiveness and not just the need for others to forgive you, but the need for you to forgive others. As we work the steps and find ourselves wanting to be forgiven, we find it much easier to forgive others. Baby steps my friend. It will all come in God's time.

Love ya

Laurie D

stud0134

Im working the 4th step right now Its hard Im having problems remembering everything but the things I do remember are strong resentments.so Ill try harder on my steps thanks laurie love ya too .

namommy

Don't kill yourself trying to remember everything, You will do many 4th steps in your recovery. God will reveal to you what you are meant to remember when he feels you are able to handle the memory. If you don't remember or miss something this time around, it can always be added to your next 4th step. Just try to be as thorough as you are able to be today.

Love ya

Laurie D

Gooch

Congrats on the 10 months.

I had a difficult time with my ex forgiving her for leaving me. After I was clean a while it helped me to consider that her actions may very well caused me to get through the denial and seek help for my addiction. Maybe you could find it in you to be grateful for the fact that you discovered that you wanted to do recovery for you and if she had stayed it may have taken you much longer to find out thats the only way it works. Many of us get clean for our parents, spouses, jobs, or other reasons and after a while wind up using again. We have to desire to be clean for ourselves regardless of who comes and goes in our lives. Congratulations on your committment to stay clean even when there may be no reward in sight.

stud0134

thanks gooch after she left me I was and am gratefull that that becouse she left me I got sober for me and me only AQnd I do know for a fact that If I stayed with her I would have relapsed I guess Im still mad at the fact that I still love her and I want those feelings to go away so I blame her for those fellings you know.And time does heal wounds but Im starting to wander if this wound will ever heal.and there other things that effected me when I lost her,selfestem,confidence, but it gave me drive to be a better person that Im gratefull for that stud0134 love you all

dotcom

hi stud,

one very important thing i have learned is that forgiveness is not a feeling or emotion, it's an action. anger, resenting, sadness, frustration ... those are feelings. so, don't feel bad if you haven't found it "in your heart" to forgive someone. because, imo, it doesn't come from your heart.

i've felt for a long time so guilty that i couldn't forgive someone, but then i heard at church that ... low and behold ... forgiveness is NOT an emotion it IS an action. i thought i was a sociopath or something. when you are ready to forgive, you will know it. i was ready to forgive a certain someone when i felt indifferent toward them ... i didnt like them and i didnt hate them, they just became "another person" ... i am sure it is different for everyone, but i was relieved to finally feel that way about them and i then forgave them.

best wishes,

dot

stud0134

thanks dotcom that was very helpfull you are probably right in time I will be able to forgive her I just wish the bad thoughts and dreams will go away but like you said in time they will what you said made alot of scense thanks for the advice it really did help

love ya stud

dotcom

you will rock on stud!

best wishes,

dot