YoungAndClean

Hey Sr family,

This question came up in the chat room earlier, and I was hoping to get some opinions from old timers especially.

I starting smoking pot around 16, and drank/used until 28. So if thats true that means now that I'm sober at 28, I have the emotional sobriety & maturity level of a 16 year old? That statement is not really such a stretch, as I am quite aware of my immaturity.

I've asked some old timers in AA and they all seem to agree that drinking/drugging severely stunts "mental growth/maturity."

But what do you guys think? Do you agree, disagree?

jkb

I think about this too. Will keep an eye on this thread,

Good question,
Jess

Boleo

PaperDolls

I tend to agree.

I'm pretty sure it's not in every aspect of my life - but most that matter.

As I continue to stay sober and work on myself I think I've aged in that respect ... well, both actually. Ha!

Jsober

I agree, sobriety has been a lot of growing up for me. It can be painful at times but I do realize that as an adult I handled many things like a teenager.

Johnston

I think so because, at least in my case, I burned bridges socially early on through my use of substances and ever increasing erratic behavior. More social contact means more experience dealing with people and obtaining various forms of feedback that continually build upon another. Hard to do that when one has isolated themselves through addiction.

Acheleus

28 y/o here sober for a week almost. Been tearing it up since 15. I would say I have a long road ahead of me in terms of maturity. Trying to deal with tantrums and such. We can do this though.

Dee74

I think I definitely stalled my development - not actually dealing with things for 20 years does that.

Thats doesn't mean I stayed stunted tho - recovery is all about growth - and I did a heck of a lot of that in my first 3-6 months.

D

Alysheba

Good thread. I've often wondered about that (and other things) from starting this at such a young age, 14 y.o. maybe. Everyone was doing it, but only some of us stayed doing it or picked it up off and on for a long time...I'm interested in what is said about this.

DoubleBarrel

Yeah, I think there's some truth to it, but the idea that your maturity is frozen in time from the moment you started drinking is kinda ridiculous.

I've experienced a lot of life in thirty years of drinking, and while I used alcohol to cope, I have had to grow as a person.

That being said, I've seen a lot of alcoholic thinking that I would say is immature selfish, and unrealistic.

I tend to analyze things much more maturely lately.

It's all part of being human, trying to be the best person we can be, instead of burying our feelings and acting like petulant selfish children.

ExBakerman

DoubleBarrel said it right. Was smoking pot regulary from 16 to 21 and now (almost a year sober) I feel like I don't know how to deal with a lot of things my peers find usual (job, relationships etc.) Fact that I used weed to "wipe out" my shyness and to be more outgoing also had a meaning... So yeah, I think that while using pot you develop somehow, but you do it ten times slower than sober people.

makomago

I've not had a drink for nearly a year. During this time of growing sobriety I've become very aware of how many of my actions, or more accurately my reactions are immature.

For me personally, I've come to believe that part of my obsession with alcohol (part of the reason I'm an alcoholic) is because of that immaturity.

But I don't think in my case that alcohol was necessarily the first cause....

I come from a family of alcoholics (or they drank alcoholically). My family was/is dysfunctional, my Dad was absent, or drunk and abusive and/or both (his Dad was an alcoholic too); my Mum was depressed and turned to drink or meds to ease her pain frequently. She had many other 'issues', on top of and including her drink problem (alcoholic or otherwise). My house was a mad house, I can only guess what normal is!!

In that context I never learned (because my parents weren't capable of teaching me) a healthy, mature set of emotions, attitudes and behaviours. I knew things for me were different, but I didn't know how or why. Alcohol removed that pain.

So it is my belief that I did not mature, that alcohol played a part in keeping me immature, but I had little chance of maturing with the family I grew up in - My parents (now in their 70s&80s) are still very immature!!

That discomfort (of feeling ill equipped to deal with life, not fitting in etc) I blotted out with alcohol. Preventing my maturity, or preventing me recognising my immaturity.

I would have been immature without alcohol, I would have demonstrated all the symptoms of an alcoholic even if I never picked up a drink - I would have been a 'para-alcoholic'.

Like many things, there is no one size fits all, the answer is contingent on many factors. For me the factor behind my maturity, or lack of it was my family and upbringing. Alcohol was but a symptom.

M

RaiseAnchor

I was able to take care of some responsibilities when I was drinking; keyword some. As I ventured into sobriety though I had realized that I wasn't fully in control of every portion of my life. When I became sober I found myself keeping up with cleaning my apartment daily rather than once or twice a month. I began to study more often for classes and study harder, and although I was a pretty decent student up until then, I have found a lot of room for improvement (fortunately I quit drinking for good before I found myself in my upper-level classes.) My life has become much more organized, though not rigid. Though I always believed in accountability even when I did drink, I definitely think I have become a more mature person without it. Ambition is pretty great.

FeenixxRising

I believe it does "stunt" emotional and mental maturity; however, just because you started using at age 16 and stopped at using at 28 doesn't mean you stopped maturing emotionally at age 16. Drugs and alcohol are just one factor that may stunt one's ability to grow emotionally. I'm sure you've matured well beyond age 16.

littlefish

It's a theory, and if you consider that drugs and alcohol allow you to escape your reality and thus your problems, then it follows that you won't mature because maturity means learning how to cope with problems.
But, there are an awful lot of very immature non-alcoholics out there. There's also a lot of alcoholics who show all the signs of maturity and responsibility in most areas of their life, but can't put the bottle down. Interesting discussion...

jade2112

I have to say it does stunt your maturity.

My son is an opiate addict and his girlfriend a benzo addict. They are both in recovery, but the immaturity is glaring.

Between the two of them they have the maturity of a 15 year old. He's 23 and she's 32.

They've lived with us for the past three years free of charge and honestly think they can't take care of themselves.

dizzychainsaw

I think my emotional maturity was stunted. I started using when I was 13. The teenage years are when we really start growing and getting ready for adulthood. Since I was using, I don't think I grew or learned as much as I would have otherwise. I've grown more mentally and emotionally than ever before since I entered AA.

El Gato

I think so. If everytime something negative happens to you (real or imagined) you drink instead of dealing with it then yeah your growth is stunted I think.

thequest

I agree with most here including the premise yes alcohol or drug can stunt maturity. I'm witnessing it first hand. Not to say one can't get by but I'm sorry when I see people a half century old who started drinking/drugging in their teens jobless, bankrupt, with a criminal/driving record including dui's by their own hand along with acting like a teenager trying to prove something or acting like a teenager acting like an adult I think their maturity was stunted.

The problem one dresses like a teenager. Acts like a teenager with all their effort devoted to going out to the bar that night like a teenager prepping for a date or party.

By the same token I know others who definitely have problems with multiple trips to rehab that seem to know when and how to turn on their adulthood or have much more maturity. They also know how to live with in their means and it doesn't bother them.

The alkie/addict here is a middle aged man with thinning gray hair begging for money like a teenager asking for money/allowance. He holds immature teenage views on work that unless you are working in management you are a loser. He refuses to take entry level or part time jobs. He refused to use state unemployment retraining money because it only covered state colleges, he said no employer would want those schools. Sort of like teenagers mocking those who would be going to community college or take a job instead of being sent away to college/live on campus. Last time I heard talk like that was in jr high/high school.

I think part of the reason maturity is stunted is just the shear amount of time devoted to getting high or drunk instead of thinking about or dealing with the many mundane perfunctory tasks in life. They assume they are easy and will simply do it when it comes time like a student who will cram the night before a test. Both under estimate what lies before them. Think about all the time hung over or recovering. Is attention on the details of life's problems, task & issues or that darn headache?

One of the things I've noticed through out life is those that succeed with fewer problems are the ones that can master the details on a daily basis wether they are good, bad, fun, disgusting, laborious, easy they deal with the details head on. They don't avoid. They don't use a high as an excuse because they are high often enough for it to be a consideration.

bitmap

My understanding is yes this is true...I originally started drinking at 13, but was sober from 18 until my early 40s...however sometimes I still feel like I am acting 13...