scooterdog

I'm 58 and... just... now... trying to get sober...
My counselor has asked me what are my 'triggers' and I had to think about that for awhile. Anger, pain (physical and mental) were what eventually came to mind. Unpleasant and unavoidable and I would say using drugs/alcohol 'stuffed' those feelings (or was my way hiding, councilor used the phrase 'numbing out') and kept me from dealing with, learning, growing from those experiences.

damascus1986

Fear was often one of my triggers. i found behing my anger at my mother and other things i was afraid of feeling abandoned by her like i did when i was younger. to some extent age is just a number its all about experiences. so im 4 years old in the program lol

greens

It could be for soMe people. It is a pretty big generalization. I soMe cases the "immaturity " could be the reason for substan ce abuse. that came out wrong..... a , Lack of proper upbringing or responsibilities could lead to su stance abuse. And also, as they said, when ppl are abusin alcoho, and drugs, we may stop growing In other areas of your life .

jackturner838

Yes I do agree with the statement that taking too much of drugs or alcohol may cause problems in mental growth. Addicted person loses its control over his mind and thinking ability of person is also affected. If you want to get out of the situation then you can seek support of any of the addiction treatment center that has proven past record.

SoberCAH

My alcoholism certainly stunted my emotional growth and maturity.

I am also 58 years old.

From one 58 year old to another, we need to act our age.

For me, alcohol made acting my age a difficult task I seldom achieved.

I hope you stick around and get and stay sober - it is certainly worth it.

Turtle82

Every day I drank was a day of not developing skills to cope with life's bumps. It was a day of medicating to get through instead of dealing with things, internally and externally, head on. Since maturity has, mostly, to do with education/experience... yeh, it did stunt my growth or prolonged the time it took to reach it. But, ya know, its not just addicts/alcoholics this is true of. People who don't use any substance can be stunted too as in "denial" for instance.

Wholesome

I think using can and does impair judgement and memory but it can't stop growth and change. I have matured despite the fact that I used some substance or another since I was a teen.... whether I could have matured into a different woman is certainly up for debate. How many decisions were made so I could support my addiction rather than choose the higher path? How many different directions could my life have taken?

Spacegoat

I've been considering the possibility that I was deprived of a childhood. It is quite likely actually.

And I know for certain I was deprived of an adolescence. Apparently its a form of abuse. I was reading about that on a blog this week

Not doing well as an adult now anyway. Being immature is one thing I enjoy, and what choice have I anyway.

Wether it's from drinking or the aforementioned, who knows even.

scooterdog

Excellent point... perhaps "maturity" is the wrong word... maybe (for me anyway) drugs/alcohol stunted my growth... I intend to hold onto my immaturity

maskrose12

Yes, I think that you grow as a person even if you use drinking to cope. You might not mature in the same wy that you would without using anything, drugs or alcohol, but I have defenitly had my life experiences that made me mature even in the periods where I drank a lot.
If you are a psycopath though, or maybe have some other thing that makes it impossible for you to grow in a normal way, then it's a different story, but for a "normal" person...yes

Gravedigger

Hello
I was so excited to see this post, I will not go into my "story" because it victimizes like every other story that are in the rooms, I believe from my experience that drinking and drugging are just symptoms. Think about this for one second, why for the first time in your life did you choose to use? Dig deep into yourself and find the reason you choose to use. When you find that out than your path to "sobriety" "change" transformation which ever word you want to use to explain your debelopent will truly begin. In recovery everyone is told to abstain from drinking at all costs, including divorce if necessary, leaving a job, moving from a certain neighborhood, if there are situations that could potentially compromise your sobriety, however here's the kicker you are your trigger no matter where you go or who you leave behind "the old path of destruction" that's your path the only constant is you. So respectively the problem lies within the answer to why you choose to use for the very first time. The very first time you used was to stop a feeling or to capture a feeling example you may have wanted to. Stop feeling unloved or you may have started using to get an acceptance from a social group at that time. Stay aware of the feelings you have and explore why you have them, the further you go back and remember those feelings that will get you closer to a successful recovery. Drinking and drugging are merely symptoms of a more inherent problem that you are struggling with. Usually some type of neglect or abuse you had experienced at an early age usually from birth to about age 9 or 10, anything after that was just a manifestation of the abuse you have experienced, during this time of abuse you had developed a core belief that core believe is where your emotional growth was stunted. When you find that core belief and work on changing that than your symptoms will no longer exist. I hope this helps at least one person.

Kallistia

Just my two cents -

I believe it does - I've seen it in myself and my own selfish actions - and a friend I've had for 15 years who has not been sober for nineteen years. I can honestly say he acts exactly as he did in high school and he's incapable of caring for himself. He's blessed to have a very wealthy uncle who has provided him and his children with a house to live in and covers the utilities because my non-sober friend chooses the easy way out of saying he has a disorder and he cannot work and instead sits at home smoking pot and taking pills all day (although this disorder did not present himself until he'd lost his job of eight years and decided he did not want another)

He's quite proud of himself for teaching his children how to play video games so that when he gets to parts he does not want to play he can make the kids do it as if it were a chore of theirs. The more time that passes, the more intolerable I find him and his immaturity and attempting to have a conversation with him that does not involve video games or comic books...which depresses me...but he may end up having to go the way of the friends I'm leaving behind one by one that not only enable, but use incessantly themselves. I'm not saying that his hobbies are not good hobbies to have, but his hobbies are the only things that he does. We had a tiff over him debating whether or not to enroll his daughter in girl scouts because he - verbatim - said his issue was the he would be the one taking her everywhere. I worry that he will be found dead of a xanax overdose one day but every time I've brought up his use (like I'm in a position to talk) it's like the words fall on deaf ears because they're prescribed so how could he possible be abusing them and did I hear that such and such developer is coming out with a new game? The last time I saw him he was practically falling over stoned...

Sorry, went on a bit of an off-topic rant there, but yes, I believe using stunts personal growth.

Layali

I feel like in one way, I am still around 17 years old. Some of my mental and emotional maturity does seem to be around there. Actually, looking around at my life, in a lot of ways I'm still living like a 17 year old.

But on the other hand, I sometimes feel like I'm in my 50's, because all of the stuff I've been through has also taught me a lot, and I have grown and matured in other ways.

I have young friends in their 20's who I have a lot in common with, and I have friends in their 50's/60's who I also have a lot in common with. So I guess it's a mixed bag for me.

But I do believe that addiction can stunt certain parts of growth, for sure!!

yellowhammer

That's a more complicated question than it seems on the face. I had my first drink and joint at 12 (with my dad) and was smoking rock and dust at 14 (also with dear old dad). I think in many ways it definitely stunted my maturity. Mostly in a social sense. I quit all the drugs except the booze at 20 but I still don't really know how to interact with sober people. I think a critical part of your teen years is learning how to interact with other people. I missed out on that because I, and all my friends, were in a haze for that whole period. I'd probably have an easier time carrying on a conversation with a crack dealer in Miami than chatting up a college girl.

At the same time, I'm 36, and I feel 36. I have two teen kids and I can't relate at all with that age, other than as a parent. So, even though I feel that it damaged and/or stunted my maturity, it's not as if I'm stuck at 16. I have had a lot of life experiences and learning moments since then.

In other words, did it damage me? Yes. Have I grown since then? Yes. Am I on the same level as everyone my age? I'm not so sure but I doubt it.

Step12

My emotional IQ was completely stumped when I was drunk when I got sober it took about a year to get detox completely and that's when I started growing up so starting in about 12 and quitting in about 35 I was a 35-year-old 12-year-old said yeah it does at least for this alcoholic a did. But that's OK I know a lot 12-year-olds that are smarter than I am ha ha

lisatryingagain

This is a good thread.

I think the depth of the compassion and wisdom and insight shown by many on the SR pages shows that suffering can bring a lot of growth, so maybe in some ways we are ahead of normals.... but I guess all that matters is we all try to be the best people we can be, moment by moment.

I know that comparing myself to anyone else is very bad for me.

Redmayne

For myself, now aged 69 with considerable life experience behind and hopefully, in front of me. Which includes, as is what is referred to as 'a high functioning alcoholic' spanning 30 years and now nearly 8 years, come February. Together with the pursuit of four professional careers inn the service of both my country and the community.

Maturity is stunted if you become one of those people, regrettably so prevalent in today's society, particularly in the 'meeja' ( media) who knows all the answers and none of the questions.

The only question I had to ask myself, as part of my recognition, acceptance and recovery from my drinking was,'Why could I not stop drinking?'

When I found the answer to that and in doing so knew the exact nature of my disease/illness, the next question,'How do I recover?', presented itself virtually without my having to think about it.

This way, one question, that of it's nature and simplicity begat more answers, progressing and enhancing both my recovery and maturity, as it still does today....