grtgrandpa

I am an 81 year old male alcoholic who has not taken a drink of alcohol or mood altering chemical for 27 years. I have been attending AA meetings regularly since April 6, 1986, but attended my last meeting on August 28, 2013. I have trouble sleeping because my brain keeps me awake jumping from subject to subject. Nothing is working. Prayer, meditation, reading self-help books, working the steps, talking to other alcoholics keep me going but I am not feeling the rewards referred to on p. 83 and 84 of the big book. Can anybody relate to this old Man?

Dee74

welcome grtgrandpa

I sleep like a babe these days but I wanted to welcome you.

If you thought the problem might be physical I'd suggest a Dr...if not, I'm sure you'll get a lot of advice and wisdom here anyway

D

Boleo

Sounds like the same chatter I have in my own mind when I lack a sense of purpose in my life.

What brings me back that sense of purpose is trying to help others. I find posting here on SR goes a long way towards that goal. Specially in the 12 step forum.

Raider

I am sorry to hear that. I pray you get some rest.

ZoeM

Try keeping some paper next to your bed and writing down the thoughts as they appear. It gets them out of your head and as they're there to read whenever you want/need to, your brain stops racing with them

RobbyRobot

Hi grtgrandpa, and welcome to SR.

When you say you're not feeling the promises at 27 yrs sober, do you mean not anymore as in presently, or you haven't really felt them over the span of your 27 yrs? You know, the promises have rung true for me because of the actions I take to ensure I'm working my program so as to have those promises created in my sober life.

It is doubtful, from me anyways, that you have achieved 27 yrs in AA and not been working the program. It is possible of course for us to lose our way forward for whatever reasons and we can then become empty and lost although we don't actually return to drinking.

27 yrs is nothing to forget about, and I want you to really know how awesome of a journey that describes to me. I've got since 1981 under my belt and the promises are with me day in and day out, as was promised.

Something obviously is happening (or not happening) preventing your experiencing the promises as promised - please go ahead and fill in the back story to those 27 yrs with AA grtgrandpa

It's great you're sharing your story. Thanks!

grtgrandpa

Thanks for your replies and good sharing. I returned to my homegroup AA mtg this morning at 7am after one weeks absence. The topic today was tradition 2 from the 12 and 12 which talks about bleeding deacons and elder statesmen. I had only been gone a week and received hugs and you've been missed. This is a great meeting in Gaithersburg, MD which is 30 miles from our nation's capitol. Visitors are welcome. I am in the process of adjusting my mtg. attendance with your help. How many? More will be revealed by my higher power who I chose to call GOD. I need to step back and let the AA group do its' thing with less control by me. EGO out Group Of Drunks in and I am no longer disturbed. This is a great forum.

ZoeM

I am SO thrilled that you are feeling better

aasharon90

I was reminding myself this morning that I
can never forget what my purpose in life is
today. I like many who have quite a few ones
at a time sober added together to get us where
we are today, can never forget what got me
here in the first place 23 yrs. ago.

Just because I have been sober awhile doesn't
mean I will ever be cured of this disease of
alcoholism. I may not have a desire to drink
today, but there are still some of life's
obsticles that cause triggers.

I use to drink to avoid dealing with those
obsticles back in the day, however, when
I entered recovery, I learned about my
alcoholism, what causes it, how it affects
my body, mind and soul, then given some
very important tools and knowledge to help
me work thru and incoperate them in
my everyday life.

As I continue on my journey, I am enjoying
the rewards and promises granted to us just
by passing on my own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes of what my life has was
an is like before, during and after alcohol.

As I get older and remain sober, I will
continue to go thru different changes in
life. Physical, emotional, spiritual, social,
etc, changes that I can hopefully handle
with my program of recovery in place
and my faith in the Man upstairs to guide
me, protect me and bless me.

I can't keep what I have if I don't pass
it on or give it away.

Raider

Great news!!!!

totfit

I second the person that said something about talking to your Dr. about this. The steps are not a cure all. Congratulations on all your sober time and reaching out for answers to unsolved things.

sugarbear1

Have you been to a Wednesday night meeting at 7:30 Sober Words?

grtgrandpa

Thank you Sharon. Your post is why I keep coming back to the fellowship because "we stay sober while I got drunk". ((((You))))

grtgrandpa

I do speak to my doctors in addtion to my daughter who is a licensed therapist. Thank you for the suggestion.

grtgrandpa

Thanks for the mtg. suggestion. We are blessed in our part of the country to have so many great mtgs. to attend. ((((sugarbear))))

grtgrandpa

I am just learning to use this forum and tell you who I am. Good to hear from a Canadian drunk. I lived in Canada in the mid 60s. Drank a lot of crown royal at 8 dollars a bottle. That was then this is now. Read my post today in the family forum about losing children which causes sadness.

grtgrandpa

8 hours sleep, up at 2:30am, no longer disturbed, feeling grateful and the rewards of the program. My disease comes and goes like the wind. Disturbed lasted one week. Thank you all for welcoming this old drunk.

Gottalife

Might I suggest having a read of Bills pamphlet "Emotional Sobriety". I went through a similar patch which I think of as the 20 year blues. The pamphlet helped a lot.