sarahaha

Hi, I'm 7 days sober now and was just wondering ...
I haven't told any of my friends and family (except my fiance) that I've quit drinking and I think that it's important that I do this soon. This is my first real go at sobriety so I don't know how to approach the subject. Many people don't even know that my problem was that bad since I'm pretty distant from my family (my own doing) and most of my friends are heavy drinkers.
I'm worried that if I don't do this soon I'm going to start getting phone calls from friends asking me to go out and party or I'll be at a family members house and they'll offer me wine ... I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle that right now.
Any suggestions on ways to tell people, or even what to say? I don't even know if they'll take me seriously...

FeelingGreat

Hi, I kept mine pretty low key. I said stuff like 'I'm on the wagon at the moment' or I'd just order a soft drink and people wouldn't notice. You probably don't have to make a big announcement if that's not your style, just wait for a comment and say something neutral. If people ask why you're not drinking, you can tell the truth, which is you got sick of it, or you're doing it for your health.
Later, when you feel stronger you can still go out with friends, but you probably won't enjoy the occasions that revolve around drinking that much any more. If you want to keep up with friends you may have to substitute by meeting them for coffee, or exercise or some other activity that doesn't involve heavy drinking. You'll find it's not as big a deal as you think.

doggonecarl

You could handle it on a case by case basis. If someone offers you a drink, you only have to say, "No thanks." If an explanation is in order, give as much of one as you feel comfortable with.

I don't think you have to tell the world you are an alcoholic seeking sobriety, but you have to be willing to say no to the offers of drinks and invites to alcohol related events.

Remember, NO is a complete sentence and an appropriate response. Don't be afraid to use it. So for the first couple of weeks, you might want to steer clear of you heavy drinking friends.

Good luck.

mfanch

Nobody's business but mine.

No IS a complete sentence.

Anna

'No thanks' is always a good response. I think if someone pushes you beyond that, it's rude. If you want to tell people in your life about your sobriety and you think it will be positive, then go for it. For me, I was incredibly vulnerable, and an off-hand comment by a friend/family member would have put me over the edge.

I told no one. I let my actions speak for themselves.

sarahaha

Oh good! That's how I'd rather do it than making a big show about it and I'm much more comfortable just saying no. Thanks guys!

Ryno03272009

I completely agree with doggonecarl on these points. I experienced the same question and issue when becoming sober. I am Irish and I remember not going out for the first time on Saint Patrick's day and someone asking me "where did you drink last night?" and I responded with "I didn't drink last night" and my friend saying "Well that was stupid!" At the time I thought, maybe they are right. But also, I felt good about having made the choice not to drink.

There is a book I was given early in my sobriety titled "Living Sober." In that book it says the following which is relevant to your question of what to tell others and what they will think when they learn you are not drinking...

"The newly sober alcoholic wonders what to answer if drinking friends and relatives say such things as 'come have a drink.'; 'What are you drinking?'; 'Why, you can't be an alcoholic!'; 'Don't you drink?'; 'Just one won't hurt.'; 'Why aren't you drinking?'... and the like. To our relief, we found that these questions come up less often than expected, and our answers seem to have much less importance than we thought they would have. Our not drinking creates less of a stir than we feared it would."

Living Sober then later explains that you know you best and "your own intelligence will lead you to the one [answer to why you are not drinking] that works best and is most comfortable for you. More importantly, you should not feel the need to defend ourselves and our choice to not drink.

The book recommends some simple answers to the above examples of questions such as: "I am not drinking now." or "I am not drinking today (or this week)." or the most simplest form being "No thanks." or a more straight forward "I don't care for any." ; "I've had my share."; "I've had all I can handle." ; "I found it doesn't agree with me. These can all be truthful answers.

Although, I along with many others would not recommend being untruthful because honesty is a big part of sobriety I personally when the question of why I am not drinking would recommend simply tell a little white lie such as "I am allergic." Just be careful not to make a habbit of using this as an reason for not drinking if you personally feel like you are telling a lie when you say it. But in reality... when you really think about it - Alcohol IS REALLY a allergy which is a "disease" that us Alcoholics have. Our bodies and our minds do not react the way others who drink alcohol do. So, if you are faced with having to tell someone you are allergic to alcohol - rest assured you would not be the first to do so.

I wish you the best with your sobriety and just remember to take things one day at a time and quite simply "don't drink."

zbear23

Hi Anna. "I let my actions speak for themselves."
They do, dom't they.
btw, Mariamme is one of my all time faves, and I particularly love that quote: so true.

Boleo

Ever since I quit hanging around wet places and wet faces, I found the subject seldom comes up. When I am surrounded by sober people, no one takes notice of me because I am just one of the crowd.

sarahaha

Hopefully that can happy for me soon. A huge portion of my friends and family are atleast social drinkers so they'll probably notice when I don't drink. My goal is to meet some new friends (not necessarily ditch the old ones) and have more opportunities not to drink and at least have a few people that I can spend time with, other than in a bar or party!

GreenEggsAndHam

I agree with case-by-case and it being situation dependent. Sounds like in most instances you saying you aren't in the mood to go out would suffice while also not being a lie. If they pushed, I personally would say that I'm trying to not drink as much and working on my health. All true.

I don't see any reason to tell people you are an alcoholic unless you just want to.