remembering how it was
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Location: Lakeside, Ca
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remembering how it was
I never wish to forget how it was back then drinking
it was a rough life as I look back
today is Saturday up top the mountain here
6:30AM this morning I was outside transplanting some cactus
yes
without a Bud in my hand
in the old days I would of had at least a couple of beers before 9 or 10AM
and
maybe using them to wash down a couple of 10mg Valiums
setting up my dazed mind for the day
the fog was all so deep for many years
it feels so good to be outside in the morning now sober
so clearly seeing the birds on their feeders eating their seed
wife's snuggly still sleeping in bed
yes
God has been so good to me so as to help me stay sober
a good day wished for all
from
Mountainmanbob
it was a rough life as I look back
today is Saturday up top the mountain here
6:30AM this morning I was outside transplanting some cactus
yes
without a Bud in my hand
in the old days I would of had at least a couple of beers before 9 or 10AM
and
maybe using them to wash down a couple of 10mg Valiums
setting up my dazed mind for the day
the fog was all so deep for many years
it feels so good to be outside in the morning now sober
so clearly seeing the birds on their feeders eating their seed
wife's snuggly still sleeping in bed
yes
God has been so good to me so as to help me stay sober
a good day wished for all
from
Mountainmanbob
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Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
slow reactions from drinking
remembering how it was
about now 12:50PM in the day
I would be at work getting ready to go home in a while
getting my buzz on with a few beers
hoping that I would make it home without another DUI
or hitting yet another car or truck in the rear end
with not much time in between
at the first stop sign while leaving work
I hit three vehicles in the rear end due to my slow reactions from drinking too much
it was nice driving down the mountain sober today
no worries
and
I could see clearly where I was going
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob 
it was nice driving down the mountain sober today
no worries
and
I could see clearly where I was going
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
Thank you for those reflections mountainman. I don't know why we think we're enhancing our lives by getting numb. I can't imagine why I was afraid to experience things with a clear head, eyes wide open. It makes no sense to me now.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 243
I remember those days of washing down a fistful of xanax with some beer and then top it all of with some scotch. Really it was just so i can blot out the consciousness of my intolerable situation. My external circumstances made no difference. I remember the most miserable time in my life was at age 20, driving a cadillac cts, access to money, living in a nice house etc....but i had alienated myself from everyone who had ever associated with me. The drugs and alcohol turned me into a shell of a human being. I hated everyone, including my self. I was that guy on page 52.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Mt. Bob, I live in "paradise"...sounds a lot like where you live!
Lately I've been having a lot of difficulty accepting reality and even more difficulty being graceful about it (funny how if we change one letter in that word we get grateful!)
The past few days things got really hairy for me. I was very tempted to drink/use. Couldn't see the forest (literally) for the big old dead tree that I was focusing on. Last night I was in a panic state...and I realized how lucky I am to be sober. And how tossing away my sobriety would not only rob me of my paradise, security, chance at serenity, and LIFE...but it would be an insult to every person out there who seeks sobriety...that I would have it and throw it away.
So, I went to bed sober, woke up sober and am taking on the day sober...and no matter how goofy my head and tummy feel sober is better than drunk/wasted. I nearly cried with relief last night when I went to bed safe in the arms of sobriety. I came so close to throwing it all away.
Lately I've been having a lot of difficulty accepting reality and even more difficulty being graceful about it (funny how if we change one letter in that word we get grateful!)
The past few days things got really hairy for me. I was very tempted to drink/use. Couldn't see the forest (literally) for the big old dead tree that I was focusing on. Last night I was in a panic state...and I realized how lucky I am to be sober. And how tossing away my sobriety would not only rob me of my paradise, security, chance at serenity, and LIFE...but it would be an insult to every person out there who seeks sobriety...that I would have it and throw it away.
So, I went to bed sober, woke up sober and am taking on the day sober...and no matter how goofy my head and tummy feel sober is better than drunk/wasted. I nearly cried with relief last night when I went to bed safe in the arms of sobriety. I came so close to throwing it all away.
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how many times have I done that (lost count)
Originally Posted by Threshold
Mt. Bob, I live in "paradise"...sounds a lot like where you live!
The past few days things got really hairy for me. I was very tempted to drink/use. Couldn't see the forest (literally) for the big old dead tree that I was focusing on.
The past few days things got really hairy for me. I was very tempted to drink/use. Couldn't see the forest (literally) for the big old dead tree that I was focusing on.
good morning Threshold
pretty amazing is it not
we live in these nice homes that God has given us
and our prayers have been answered we are sober today
yet
we still get those crazy thoughts at times
I truly can't remember how many times in my past
that I had some sober time yet returned to my vomit of the drink
I don't have 100% trust in myself today that's for sure
my sponsor keeps his message at times so simple
such as
it's about what I do or don't do today
for today Threshold let's stay sober
and
not be deceiving ourselves into yet more sin
how many times have I done that (lost count)
a good day wished for you
from
Mountainman
pretty amazing is it not
we live in these nice homes that God has given us
and our prayers have been answered we are sober today
yet
we still get those crazy thoughts at times
I truly can't remember how many times in my past
that I had some sober time yet returned to my vomit of the drink
I don't have 100% trust in myself today that's for sure
my sponsor keeps his message at times so simple
such as
it's about what I do or don't do today
for today Threshold let's stay sober
and
not be deceiving ourselves into yet more sin
how many times have I done that (lost count)
a good day wished for you
from
Mountainman
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It was rough on these Sunday mornings in the old days. Planning on going to church but, craving a drink.
Or sitting in church with the only thought on my mind being the liquor store after church.
M-Bob
Or sitting in church with the only thought on my mind being the liquor store after church.
M-Bob
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remembering how it was
Well, I did a lot of my drinking at home alone.
There were thousands of nights spent like that.
As I look back, those were very lonely times.
Sobriety has brought to me many gifts -- including a nice wife.
M-Bob
There were thousands of nights spent like that.
As I look back, those were very lonely times.
Sobriety has brought to me many gifts -- including a nice wife.
M-Bob
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10:35 pm
How it was back in my drinking days at this time of the evening.
Drinking late into the night.
Hoping that tomorrow I won't have to pay too high a price.
Knowing that more drink tomorrow will put me back in the zone.
The Twilight Zone.
Is there ever an escape?
I think so but, I can't seem to find the door.
M-Bob
Drinking late into the night.
Hoping that tomorrow I won't have to pay too high a price.
Knowing that more drink tomorrow will put me back in the zone.
The Twilight Zone.
Is there ever an escape?
I think so but, I can't seem to find the door.
M-Bob
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That wasn't living.
How it was on a Sunday such as this in the old drinking days.
Pretty rough waking up today -- must have tied one on last night.
Hope I have enough beer, pot and pills to get me through the day.
I would hate to run short on anything.
Mountainmanbob
Pretty rough waking up today -- must have tied one on last night.
Hope I have enough beer, pot and pills to get me through the day.
I would hate to run short on anything.
Mountainmanbob
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Posts: 8,674
Yesterday morning my boyfriend and I ran a 5K at 8am. I was up at 6.....and thought about how this time last year if I had been up, I would have still been a little drunk from the night before, had a couple vodkas then a nap about the time I went for this run.
Yesterday was a fantastic day.
Yesterday was a fantastic day.
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How it was.
I used to have to have a few drinks before driving down the mountain.
They hope that I wouldn't get pulled over and get another DUI.
In 9 years of sobriety I have never even once been pulled over.
Sobriety does change things.
MB
I used to have to have a few drinks before driving down the mountain.
They hope that I wouldn't get pulled over and get another DUI.
In 9 years of sobriety I have never even once been pulled over.
Sobriety does change things.
MB
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Let's see from what I remember today about how it was.
Very disappointed wife.
Judges face did not look too happy.
Riding a motorized bicycle around town.
Dreams of someday having my license back.
Attending drunk driving classes for 18 months.
Cost my insurance company a hundred grand.
Stuck on the mountain for many many days.
Once again, disappointed parents.
That will do for a reminder for now.
M-Bob
Very disappointed wife.
Judges face did not look too happy.
Riding a motorized bicycle around town.
Dreams of someday having my license back.
Attending drunk driving classes for 18 months.
Cost my insurance company a hundred grand.
Stuck on the mountain for many many days.
Once again, disappointed parents.
That will do for a reminder for now.
M-Bob
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Last Friday marked my 29th AA anniversary.
For some reason, I have thought about my recovery more on this past anniversary than on any others for quite a few years.
But in a very reflective and grateful sort of way.
And my secretary decorated my office for my AA birthday/anniversary, so, when people stop by to see the decorations and wish me well, I will share with them where I was in life the day I actually drove myself to the addiction doctor's office and asked for help.
That is a very good thing for me to do.
It's hard to believe my life was in such shambles.
But the fact that it no longer is that way is a testament to the efficacy of asking God for help and getting that help through AA, which is an organization I never particularly wanted to join.
Now, though, I want to never leave AA for fear of getting back that awful life I left at the doors of the treatment center many years ago.
For some reason, I have thought about my recovery more on this past anniversary than on any others for quite a few years.
But in a very reflective and grateful sort of way.
And my secretary decorated my office for my AA birthday/anniversary, so, when people stop by to see the decorations and wish me well, I will share with them where I was in life the day I actually drove myself to the addiction doctor's office and asked for help.
That is a very good thing for me to do.
It's hard to believe my life was in such shambles.
But the fact that it no longer is that way is a testament to the efficacy of asking God for help and getting that help through AA, which is an organization I never particularly wanted to join.
Now, though, I want to never leave AA for fear of getting back that awful life I left at the doors of the treatment center many years ago.
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